Coffeholic has posted on how these stories start !!
Please tell me yours .
I apologise if this topic has already been in the forum but there must be some new ones … For instance.
Whilst on the train just before christmas a Nedexco driver , looked me in the eye and said this …
" I had a strange experiance last week or was it a month ago, I was driving to this fish market in ( wherever ) and i felt the truck moving from side to side . I opened the back doors and to my surprise i was confronted by a 10ft shark thrashing around .! "
I tell you i near on wet myself !
I dont suffer fools lightly ( ask coffeeholic )
I told the driver that it was the best Bull Merde story i have ever heard .
And then said have i got MUG or words to that effect on my head !
He didnt say anything else during the crossing.
Unlike the other drivers on the table who where singing the theme tune to Jaws.!!
When i first started driving, done a stint on removals.
One of the “old timers” on the firm reckoned he could pack 2400 cu ft of furniture into a 2000 cu ft van
Sorry its not that great but its a story
Suedehead:
When i first started driving, done a stint on removals.
One of the “old timers” on the firm reckoned he could pack 2400 cu ft of furniture into a 2000 cu ft van
i was out with the transport minister over christmas he told me that adblue,the silly wtd, driver cpc were going to get the boot becuase they know that drivers know that it is a tax and waste of money, do you know what i dont even know his name
fuse:
i was out with the transport minister over christmas he told me that adblue,the silly wtd, driver cpc were going to get the boot becuase they know that drivers know that it is a tax and waste of money, do you know what i dont even know his name
I COULD BE WRONG HERE… BUT ISN’T THE TRANSPORT MINISTER A “WOMAN” NOW,I KNOW IT USED TO BE A DR STEPHEN LADYMAN… YES WHAT A NAME… “LADYMAN” JEEEEZ I GOT TOO MUCH TIME ON ME HANDS AT MO
Ive heard the “run out of hours on a bay, police called, DC forced to close adjacant bays” stories from 3 seperate drivers so far. Gets funnier every time.
if i had a pound for every time ive heard about the tipper driver having a dump in the tipper when a double decker bus pulls alongside i would be a millionaire by now.
and one ive heard several times recently is that if you refuse the services of the ladies of the night when parked up in doncaster you wake up to find they have taken a dump on your bottom step
shuttlespanker:
i had a driver work for me swear blind that there was a thirty car pile up on the motorway and it would cause massive dealys for hours on end
tis such a shame that i was only about 30 minutes behind him on the same motorway
and yep, you guessed it, not a single smashed up car was to be seen anywhere, not even the slightest piece of broken tail light or even any skid marks
Like the one I rang, to ask how we was getting on one day
‘just leaving Liverpool he said’
Was going at a good rate like, as he was crossing the M6 at the same time as me, 2 seconds later
shuttlespanker:
i had a driver work for me swear blind that there was a thirty car pile up on the motorway and it would cause massive dealys for hours on end
tis such a shame that i was only about 30 minutes behind him on the same motorway
and yep, you guessed it, not a single smashed up car was to be seen anywhere, not even the slightest piece of broken tail light or even any skid marks
Like the one I rang, to ask how we was getting on one day
‘just leaving Liverpool he said’
Was going at a good rate like, as he was crossing the M6 at the same time as me, 2 seconds later
you can always tell when cockholes like that are telling lies, their lips move
‘Well I can only say how lucky I was because me and my 8yr old daughter went from Cairnryan to Larne on the ‘Spirit of Free Enterprise’ about 2yrs before the Herald went over and we stayed on the bunks in the motor on the drive on deck. I tell everyone that if we had done that 2yrs in the future on a completely different ship on a completey dfferent route we might not be here to tell the tale’
I posted this on ‘coffee’s’ original thread but it is something I have used on numerous occasions when conversations have appeared to transcend into some kind of drug induced fantasy. I always related it with the straightest face possible and followed it up with the fact that because of the retrospective trauma that both me and my Daughter had to endure because of just the thoughts of what could have happened to us it meant that a High Court Judge had ruled that any future employer who employed me and required me and a vehicle to undertake a ferry crossing they should provide an alternative mode of conveyance for me ‘the driver’ to meet the vehicle at its port of disembarkation.
Now when I used relate this tale in the Freight Driver’s Restaurant or Lounge there was always a few who said “but you are here on the ferry” and I would reply that because it had been “Court Ordered” the actual cost to make sure I was kept safe and free from any recurring trauma the bill was picked up by the taxpayer and the boss had done a deal with the local aeroclub who provided a 2 seater Cessna to fly me out to meet the truck as and when necessary. But my boss and the aeroclub had worked a little side deal so that I carried on as normal and little Cessna flew round the airfield once and then they split the taxpayers funding on a 70/30 basis and I got a good monthly bonus for keeping my mouth shut about it.
Now the original story about the Cairnryan to Larne crossing was kosher but the rest was just made up as I went along, depending on audience at the tme, never really knew if anyone was taken in by it but there were times when I actually started to believe it myself
Only joking but I defineitly used to laugh to myself after one of these little tale telling sessions.
Just out of curiousity has anyone heard this before? I started this one after the HoFE in 87 but was based on a crossing on the ‘Spirit of Free Enterprise’ in 85
I’m not trying to make light of, disrespect or offend anyone who might have lost loved one’s or friends on The Herald and if I have I offer my most sincere apologies.
Sometimes humour gets us through the worst of time’s.
Regards
Dave Penn;
shuttlespanker:
i had a driver work for me swear blind that there was a thirty car pile up on the motorway and it would cause massive dealys for hours on end
tis such a shame that i was only about 30 minutes behind him on the same motorway
and yep, you guessed it, not a single smashed up car was to be seen anywhere, not even the slightest piece of broken tail light or even any skid marks
Like the one I rang, to ask how we was getting on one day
‘just leaving Liverpool he said’
Was going at a good rate like, as he was crossing the M6 at the same time as me, 2 seconds later
Daftest thing I was virtually in exactly the same place I was at the same time nearly very day, and he really shoulda known it
Quite a rough crossing but as usual me and a couple of others had retired to the bar.
We were just enjoying a swift pint and watching the various passengers rushing towards the loos to hand back their lunches
A rather well dressed American woman asked how we could drink at a time like this.
I replied " Easy its all down to orange juice"
when asked if this stopped seasickness I replied…
“NO but it tastes the same both ways!”
Her face went a delightful shade of green before she followed the rest to the great white telephone.
BUT ISN’T THE TRANSPORT MINISTER A “WOMAN” NOW,I KNOW IT USED TO BE A DR STEPHEN LADYMAN… 
