I think it’s time for a thread for all those stupid stories that you’ve heard on boats, trains, CB radios, RDC’s, wherever and by whoever.
Please add yours, you might be doing someone a favour.
I’ll start with the English Gendarme who used to patrol the peripherique exterieur (Paris) and was the scourge of Scotsmen because his wife ran off with a Scottish driver… Until one fateful night when a buccaneering Englishman ran him over in an F16 when his back was turned. He got away with it because the French Gendarmes didn’t like the English one anyway…
Can you better it? Of course you can! Get in there
heard a good one this week sat in a RDC this guy says his mate got a job running steel down to spain,pick the truck up in london and tip milan and back empty.
DAF95XF:
At the services last week “just been told VOSA will fine you £20 for every turn of the handle”
And here was me thinking it was £30 per turn!
The worst thing is people actually not only believe this ■■■■, but have quoted it as ‘fact’, both at the dCPC course I attended and the ADR course (not the instructors)
Best stories usually along the lines of ‘4 days, grand a week’
Once worked with a guy who used to work on the deep sea trawlers, used to amuse us for hours telling us stories of his exploits, remember him saying, that they were trawling in very deep water once, and the net suddenly went heavy and the boat started to struggle, so they gradually brought the net up, and in it was a massive creature that they couldn’t identify, said it looked like a prehistoric monster, reckoned they ended up cutting the nets loose, no way were they ever going to let it on board…
perkibre:
Once worked with a guy who used to work on the deep sea trawlers, used to amuse us for hours telling us stories of his exploits, remember him saying, that they were trawling in very deep water once, and the net suddenly went heavy and the boat started to struggle, so they gradually brought the net up, and in it was a massive creature that they couldn’t identify, said it looked like a prehistoric monster, reckoned they ended up cutting the nets loose, no way were they ever going to let it on board…
I know for a fact that there is a ghost at Sainsbury’s Hams Hall:
The story is that Hams Hall is built on a very old rubbish tip. When they were excavating the foundations they dug up lead box. They opened it and found a well preserved body of a woman with a gold chain round her neck. The date was April 1st.
The contractors were already behind, so to avoid a stoppage while the police investigated, the reburied the body in its coffin under the concrete floor. Unfortunately the digger driver took the gold necklace first.
A month later the digger driver was found dead with no obvious cause but the neclace was never seen again. It is said that every April 1st the ghostly corpse can be seen prowling round the site looking for her neclace.
DAF95XF:
At the services last week “just been told VOSA will fine you £20 for every turn of the handle”
This is of course a £20 wind-up!
Posterior Excretia is another possibility, if we’re talking about Peripherique Exterieur, especially if it’s the Bruxelles one rather than the Paris one!
Santa:
I know for a fact that there is a ghost at Sainsbury’s Hams Hall:
The story is that Hams Hall is built on a very old rubbish tip. When they were excavating the foundations they dug up lead box. They opened it and found a well preserved body of a woman with a gold chain round her neck. The date was April 1st.
The contractors were already behind, so to avoid a stoppage while the police investigated, the reburied the body in its coffin under the concrete floor. Unfortunately the digger driver took the gold necklace first.
A month later the digger driver was found dead with no obvious cause but the neclace was never seen again. It is said that every April 1st the ghostly corpse can be seen prowling round the site looking for her neclace.
So, so… you mean that tomorrow the spooky lady will be out again…?!
Thanks so much for the timely advice… Wow how spooky is that folks?
Santa:
I know for a fact that there is a ghost at Sainsbury’s Hams Hall:
The story is that Hams Hall is built on a very old rubbish tip. When they were excavating the foundations they dug up lead box. They opened it and found a well preserved body of a woman with a gold chain round her neck. The date was April 1st.
The contractors were already behind, so to avoid a stoppage while the police investigated, the reburied the body in its coffin under the concrete floor. Unfortunately the digger driver took the gold necklace first.
A month later the digger driver was found dead with no obvious cause but the neclace was never seen again. It is said that every April 1st the ghostly corpse can be seen prowling round the site looking for her neclace.
So, so… you mean that tomorrow the spooky lady will be out again…?!
Thanks so much for the timely advice… Wow how spooky is that folks?
Somewhere round the ambient goods in canopy I believe.
Santa:
I know for a fact that there is a ghost at Sainsbury’s Hams Hall:
The story is that Hams Hall is built on a very old rubbish tip. When they were excavating the foundations they dug up lead box. They opened it and found a well preserved body of a woman with a gold chain round her neck. The date was April 1st.
The contractors were already behind, so to avoid a stoppage while the police investigated, the reburied the body in its coffin under the concrete floor. Unfortunately the digger driver took the gold necklace first.
A month later the digger driver was found dead with no obvious cause but the neclace was never seen again. It is said that every April 1st the ghostly corpse can be seen prowling round the site looking for her neclace.
So, so… you mean that tomorrow the spooky lady will be out again…?!
Thanks so much for the timely advice… Wow how spooky is that folks?
Somewhere round the ambient goods in canopy I believe.
But what if the coldstore was built there? Would people notice the chill of a ghost?
waynedl:
Best stories usually along the lines of ‘4 days, grand a week’
Up until a few years ago, we were all tacho exempt. Our lads were regulary clocking 90-100 hours a week (6 days on 3 days off).
Given that we pay time and a half over 40 hours, the lads were regulary taking home a grand a week.
Tachograph, speed limiters for over 3.5 tons (we ran 6.5 tonners to keep under the 7.5 ton tacho threshold) and the WTD soon knocked all that on the head.
Best shift I had, and this is no ■■■■■■■■, I started at 8am on a wednesday morning and was local all day. At 5pm I loaded a car to go to London, down to London, back to base, had one in for Edinburgh. I felt alright so did that too. Picked one up at Newcastle on the way back down, it was going to Rotherham and I was going to swap it onto someone else back at base. Other lad got ■■■■■■■ on his job so I legged the car to Rotherham. Just getting back in area when we got a heavy overturned at Shildon. Curtainsider loaded with chipboard worktops. Stood the casualty vehicle up, then had 27 tons of chipboard to handball back onto the truck. Eventually finished at 10pm on the friday. I had saturday off and went back in saturday night.
We’d get hung, drawn and quartered off the VOSA for doing that these days
Santa:
I know for a fact that there is a ghost at Sainsbury’s Hams Hall:
The story is that Hams Hall is built on a very old rubbish tip. When they were excavating the foundations they dug up lead box. They opened it and found a well preserved body of a woman with a gold chain round her neck. The date was April 1st.
The contractors were already behind, so to avoid a stoppage while the police investigated, the reburied the body in its coffin under the concrete floor. Unfortunately the digger driver took the gold necklace first.
A month later the digger driver was found dead with no obvious cause but the neclace was never seen again. It is said that every April 1st the ghostly corpse can be seen prowling round the site looking for her neclace.
So, so… you mean that tomorrow the spooky lady will be out again…?!
Thanks so much for the timely advice… Wow how spooky is that folks?
Somewhere round the ambient goods in canopy I believe.
Santa:
I know for a fact that there is a ghost at Sainsbury’s Hams Hall:
The story is that Hams Hall is built on a very old rubbish tip. When they were excavating the foundations they dug up lead box. They opened it and found a well preserved body of a woman with a gold chain round her neck. The date was April 1st.
The contractors were already behind, so to avoid a stoppage while the police investigated, the reburied the body in its coffin under the concrete floor. Unfortunately the digger driver took the gold necklace first.
A month later the digger driver was found dead with no obvious cause but the neclace was never seen again. It is said that every April 1st the ghostly corpse can be seen prowling round the site looking for her neclace.
around that area, are you sure it wasn’t a pearl necklace?
This happened about 3 years ago, a mate at work, said my missus’s mate is in a right state, we all said why?.. Well he said, she’ been looking after her best mates little dog while she goes on holiday for 2 weeks, it’s her little baby, she dotes on it, anyway, 2nd day into holiday it’s flaked out on kitchen floor, must have had a sudden heart attack or something, so she’s in bits, thinking what am I going to do, I can’t get in touch with her, she won’t be back for ages, it’s red hot, I can’t keep it lying about, so she rings vet up, tells them the predicament she’s in, the vets know the dog, so they agree to put it in storage till she comes back, then she can have it cremated. Anyway she thinks problem solved, puts it in a bin liner, puts in a holdall of some kind, goes into Sheffield on tram, gets of, no worries, until this youth decides to ■■■■■■ the bag off her and legs it into oblivion… Well we were on canteen floor crying…
Santa:
I know for a fact that there is a ghost at Sainsbury’s Hams Hall:
The story is that Hams Hall is built on a very old rubbish tip. When they were excavating the foundations they dug up lead box. They opened it and found a well preserved body of a woman with a gold chain round her neck. The date was April 1st.
The contractors were already behind, so to avoid a stoppage while the police investigated, the reburied the body in its coffin under the concrete floor. Unfortunately the digger driver took the gold necklace first.
A month later the digger driver was found dead with no obvious cause but the neclace was never seen again. It is said that every April 1st the ghostly corpse can be seen prowling round the site looking for her neclace.
I wonder where the necklace is
I have always said that ghosts never exist it is all the mind playing tricks, people I know call me Mr non believer ,but hey stories like that make good stories
waynedl:
Best stories usually along the lines of ‘4 days, grand a week’
Up until a few years ago, we were all tacho exempt. Our lads were regulary clocking 90-100 hours a week (6 days on 3 days off).
Given that we pay time and a half over 40 hours, the lads were regulary taking home a grand a week.
Tachograph, speed limiters for over 3.5 tons (we ran 6.5 tonners to keep under the 7.5 ton tacho threshold) and the WTD soon knocked all that on the head.
Best shift I had, and this is no [zb], I started at 8am on a wednesday morning and was local all day. At 5pm I loaded a car to go to London, down to London, back to base, had one in for Edinburgh. I felt alright so did that too. Picked one up at Newcastle on the way back down, it was going to Rotherham and I was going to swap it onto someone else back at base. Other lad got ■■■■■■■ on his job so I legged the car to Rotherham. Just getting back in area when we got a heavy overturned at Shildon. Curtainsider loaded with chipboard worktops. Stood the casualty vehicle up, then had 27 tons of chipboard to handball back onto the truck. Eventually finished at 10pm on the friday. I had saturday off and went back in saturday night.
We’d get hung, drawn and quartered off the VOSA for doing that these days
Yet some still run like that, during the floods about 5yrs ago in Gloucestershire, I was sent from Manchester down there to do a few jobs, then back all in ‘a day’. Not sure what counts as a day in recovery, but that was a bloody long one.
I then spent the rest of the week down there, it was mayhem.
I have heard a few in my time but i think the best one was a driver came into the yard loaded you could see tyre marks the full length of the sheet when asked about the tyre marks his reply was has he was coming down the M6 a light aircraft had touched down on the load .
Our reply was well he must have been going to crash land and came up the back and over the top and down the front again it was quite plain to see either him or some lorry had run over them
