A certain Chris Spence, better known as Spanner was driving through the desert during the first gulf war, and he spotted a Scud missile in the distance, it was on a collision course with his cab, so Spanner stopped and wound both windows down and it passed clean through.
Now anybody who knows Spanner knows there isn’t room in a DAF cab for a Scud and him 
Ha ha, a Cessna with Super Singles on it 
So, he was folding the sheet up in the yard when someone drove over it■■?
jastrebsi59:
I have heard a few in my time but i think the best one was a driver came into the yard loaded you could see tyre marks the full length of the sheet when asked about the tyre marks his reply was has he was coming down the M6 a light aircraft had touched down on the load .
Our reply was well he must have been going to crash land and came up the back and over the top and down the front again it was quite plain to see either him or some lorry had run over them
ask a silly question you will get a silly answer
I’ve posted this before but I’ll post it again cos I like it.
Heard this one on the boat last year. No idea if it’s true but it made me laugh.Â
Paddy gets pulled by the Belgian ministry in Mouscron which is right near the French border. Plod asks for his card which he hands over and of course it’s black. Plod asks for yesterdays card and Paddy says you’re holding it. So the cop says you’d better ring your cappo cos the fine is gonna be big. So he phones base on the hands free and conversation goes as follows:Â
Driver- Been pulled boss.Â
Boss- Bleep bleep bleeping bleep! Where are you?Â
Driver-Â Mouscron.Â
Boss-Â Mouscron. Wouldn’t that be near the border?Â
Driver- Yes.Â
Boss- Well can you make a run for it???Â
jastrebsi59:
I have heard a few in my time but i think the best one was a driver came into the yard loaded you could see tyre marks the full length of the sheet when asked about the tyre marks his reply was has he was coming down the M6 a light aircraft had touched down on the load .
Our reply was well he must have been going to crash land and came up the back and over the top and down the front again it was quite plain to see either him or some lorry had run over them
Now you’re talking! That is absolute gold
perkibre:
Once worked with a guy who used to work on the deep sea trawlers, used to amuse us for hours telling us stories of his exploits, remember him saying, that they were trawling in very deep water once, and the net suddenly went heavy and the boat started to struggle, so they gradually brought the net up, and in it was a massive creature that they couldn’t identify, said it looked like a prehistoric monster, reckoned they ended up cutting the nets loose, no way were they ever going to let it on board…
ROBERT MAXWELL perhaps
Natalie Wood?
we had a guy that told of his adventures in the falklands conflict.
he was in the navy, and they went on shore with a plan of attacking some argies, but the gurkhas got there first.
the story went on, and on. and plenty of people were taking about this super hero. so i let them carry on for a few days.
then while everyone was having lunch, i waited for the sories to start again, before saying to the guy, and anyone else that could hear.
“so the navy still takes 14 year olds? i thought that stopped along with press ganging”.
i was amazed that no one else had worked out the obvious.
limeyphil:
we had a guy that told of his adventures in the falklands conflict.
he was in the navy, and they went on shore with a plan of attacking some argies, but the gurkhas got there first.
the story went on, and on. and plenty of people were taking about this super hero. so i let them carry on for a few days.
then while everyone was having lunch, i waited for the sories to start again, before saying to the guy, and anyone else that could hear.
“so the navy still takes 14 year olds? i thought that stopped along with press ganging”.i was amazed that no one else had worked out the obvious.
Nice one, and topical too! Some people are just schmmoooth!
I was sitting in an RDC one day when this other driver told me about another driver that one of his mates told him about, This driver had been pulled by VOSA and while they were checking the vehicle they noticed a length of shrink wrap hanging out from below one of the trailer curtains. “Look at this driver, I’m booking you for this. But I need to measure it first to determine the level of fine I’m going to give you, It’s £30 now for it even hanging out, but If it’s more than a foot it will be £60” …When the driver asked why , he was told it could wrap around a wheel or injure someone.
I got told about a paddy years ago racing for the boat in Dover got pulled in the third lane do some stupid speed (think it got faster everytime I was told the story). Anyway he was going so fast they dragged him up infront of the magistrates, when asked he if he knew the rules regarding HGV on motorways his reply was ’ why yes lane 1 is for plodding along, lane 2 is for the slightly faster lorries to over take and lane 3 is for paddy flying down to catch the boat now can I get going please coz I’m running late now’
Santa:
I know for a fact that there is a ghost at Sainsbury’s Hams Hall:The story is that Hams Hall is built on a very old rubbish tip. When they were excavating the foundations they dug up lead box. They opened it and found a well preserved body of a woman with a gold chain round her neck. The date was April 1st.
The contractors were already behind, so to avoid a stoppage while the police investigated, the reburied the body in its coffin under the concrete floor. Unfortunately the digger driver took the gold necklace first.
A month later the digger driver was found dead with no obvious cause but the neclace was never seen again. It is said that every April 1st the ghostly corpse can be seen prowling round the site looking for her neclace.
You sure she wasnt just a driver waiting to offload lol
taffytrucker:
I got told about a paddy years ago racing for the boat in Dover got pulled in the third lane do some stupid speed (think it got faster everytime I was told the story). Anyway he was going so fast they dragged him up infront of the magistrates, when asked he if he knew the rules regarding HGV on motorways his reply was ’ why yes lane 1 is for plodding along, lane 2 is for the slightly faster lorries to over take and lane 3 is for paddy flying down to catch the boat now can I get going please coz I’m running late now’
But Paddy missed the Hearald sailing by the skin of his teeth
here is one I heard the other day
the company this bloke works for has just bought a second hand D.A.F
its the first one with a digi tacho
anyway the guy says to me how long you been driving digi
me since 2006
him how do you get on with the tacho not allowing you to drive over 4.30 hrs
me how do you mean
him the lorry slows down and stops and wont let you go again until end of break
me is that right
him yes it happened to me the other day lorry would not start again until i had 45
me did you get a fault showing up on dash
him yes it said limp home mode
me does new daf have add blue
him yes
me yes they digi tachos are hellish you just cant get on with your day what will they think of next
happyweetrucker:
here is one I heard the other day
the company this bloke works for has just bought a second hand D.A.F
its the first one with a digi tacho
anyway the guy says to me how long you been driving digi
me since 2006
him how do you get on with the tacho not allowing you to drive over 4.30 hrs
me how do you mean
him the lorry slows down and stops and wont let you go again until end of break
me is that right
him yes it happened to me the other day lorry would not start again until i had 45
me did you get a fault showing up on dash
him yes it said limp home mode
me does new daf have add blue
him yes
me yes they digi tachos are hellish you just cant get on with your day what will they think of next
OMG thats priceless. I thought the lack of add blue didnt make a difference with a DAF my old one would just carry on but i been told the volvo goes into limp mode
I’ve just thought of another one.
Paddy gets pulled on the 483 a few years ago and when asked for his cards, produces a blank CD, telling the copper that it’s the new digital tacho recording. Copper gets shown up for not having a tacho reader and Paddy blows her on up the road…
I overheard that on the “Useless” one night, one Welsh bloke to another.
i just missed that ferry coz the regiment had called me to the balcony but i was chalked up in tescos beacuse i needed a 9hr then on the way vosa find me £30 per wind of my legs.
mrx:
i just missed that ferry coz the regiment had called me to the balcony but i was chalked up in tescos beacuse i needed a 9hr then on the way vosa find me £30 per wind of my legs.
I know what you mean mate, I hate it when that happens
There were tales of a ghost in the old mill in Stroud, Gloucestershire where Swifts had the depot. I was standing in an alley roping the load and looked up the alley to the office and saw a guy who I assumed was the foreman looking at me, only a minute later I waked in the warehouse to see him and everyone else there, I asked ho he got there so fast and explained what I had just see, he told me I had seen the ghost I never believed him but a few nights later and in the drop lot up the hill it was pitch black and I was winding my trailer legs up when a hand came down on my shoulder 
I must have jumped 3 feet in the air, I turned to find the foreman standing there, he asked “Are you ok ?”
“Well I [zb] well was till you did that”
There is supposed to be a ‘Bigfoot’ living around our village and even the police chief has seen it and told the TV stations so … Sack the police chief I say
Santa:
I know for a fact that there is a ghost at Sainsbury’s Hams Hall:The story is that Hams Hall is built on a very old rubbish tip. When they were excavating the foundations they dug up lead box. They opened it and found a well preserved body of a woman with a gold chain round her neck. The date was April 1st.
The contractors were already behind, so to avoid a stoppage while the police investigated, the reburied the body in its coffin under the concrete floor. Unfortunately the digger driver took the gold necklace first.
A month later the digger driver was found dead with no obvious cause but the neclace was never seen again. It is said that every April 1st the ghostly corpse can be seen prowling round the site looking for her neclace.
Did vosa place chalk around her coffin?