I was just thinking, are there any funny wind ups that can be used as you arrive at a delivery?
Nothing nasty, and it really needs to be taken in good humour by the gate staff (If thats at all possible).
My effort consists of arriving at Sun Valley Foods, Hereford. As I pulled up to the window, I calmly wound down my window and said, “Guten Morgen, Sprechen Sie Deutsch?”
I was only going to use the greeting but the rest came in a flash of inspiration. The result was that this poor guy’s smile turned to sheer horror. I gave it a few seconds and laughed as I said “Nah, it’s alright mate, neither do I” 
Amusing tales please as I’ve had a crappy week or so and could do with a bit of cheering up. 
Many years ago, I did just that to a guy who tried to collect my parking fee at a services on the M1.
I just kept wittering away in German, eventually he gave up without getting any money. RESULT!! 
Me in my good mate get the polish drivers a treat. what you do watch while they go onto a bay to hitch up then they go to get paper work.
Now this is the magic part what you do is put the trailer brake on pull the 5th wheel.
They get in drive away… snap the pipes… and 9 times out 10 drop the trailer lol 
Another one bites the dust what a shame I hurt my ribs the other day watching it.
hurt your ribs lol,if ya did that to me ,my tyre iron would hurt your ribs!
you knob.
thats the problem ! if you do it to them ,why should i think you would not do it to me■■? after all im not English.
The first time anything happened like a flat tyre to me and you were around wellllll…o dear i jumped to the wrong conclusion and tyre iron to ribs …oohhh deary me!
not so much a wind up but funny on the day…
i tripped down to a sainsbury’s depot somewhere down to the south(hemel??) and when i got outside i told my 12 year old son to hide in the bunk.i gave him the elf and safety pratt’s lecture and he duly hid and i pulled upto the gate and went into the gatehouse and showed my paperwork( aload of scottish drinking water).
i turned and just as i’m about to leave i get a ‘hold it driver’ from the security man.
i glance up to the cab expecting to see mikey’s grinning face in the driving seat or something,but no all clear.i turn round and the guy is pointing at my nice trainers and shaking his head.(it is a saturday morning run in a nother guy’s truck-so no boots).
he then guides me to a side door and opens up asking me what size i am.he finds a pair of size 9 toe tectors which have been sprayed glowing gold with big 9 written on the caps.i put them on and resemble a clown.i get back in the cab,mikey’s scared that he’s been rumbled due to the time it’s taken to clear the gatehouse and i hear a ‘dad,what’s going on’ i show him the boots.he thinks it’s highly amusing.
i drive thru to the unloading bay where i then have to do the walk of shame the length of the warehouse like a clown with every froklift driver quipping ‘nice boots’ and the like.
then i have to do the curtains with all the other drivers admiring my new footwear.
then we tip off and have to do the walk of shame to fetch the paperwork.
and there we were thinking we were going to get rumbled coming out the site but all good,we only get done for the boots.
dantruckman:
Me in my good mate get the polish drivers a treat. what you do watch while they go onto a bay to hitch up then they go to get paper work.
Now this is the magic part what you do is put the trailer brake on pull the 5th wheel.
They get in drive away… snap the pipes… and 9 times out 10 drop the trailer lol Another one bites the dust what a shame I hurt my ribs the other day watching it.
You really are an ■■■■■■■■ aren’t you.
Davey Driver:
dantruckman:
Me in my good mate get the polish drivers a treat. what you do watch while they go onto a bay to hitch up then they go to get paper work.
Now this is the magic part what you do is put the trailer brake on pull the 5th wheel.
They get in drive away… snap the pipes… and 9 times out 10 drop the trailer lol Another one bites the dust what a shame I hurt my ribs the other day watching it.
Wipe that chocolate from around your mouth will you, oooooppppsssss Sorry, it aint chocolate its bull [zb] 
Whats funny about this post is all the angry people calling poor dantruckman names when it is clearly a wind up
Lighten up children its the internet where 75% of everything posted is complete and utter Limeyphil.
I went to a big transport depot the other day, and was given a telling off by the security for driving the wrong way down a one way part of the yard, the yard was about 50 ft wide but they had designated it to be a one way system, the security guards wittering on and telling me off, so, i said to him, nowhere here does it say its a one way road, at which point he says to me, cant you see these big arrows painted on the road?.As i pointed out to him, im colour blind, so all i can see is a faint grey marking, at which point he apolagised and said he would bring it up at the next health and safety meating, i would have loved to be at that meating, made me laugh anyway.
ask buzzard boy he has boatloads of them.
I went to my local recycle centre,upon arrival the little Hitler on the gate asked me ‘what are you dumping?’
I replied ‘Radioactive waste’ , he said ‘you cant dump it here,you’ll have to take somewhere else’
He wasn’t worried the slightest that i might have Radioactive waste in my car !
Ahh good old scum valley! I never experienced such a bunch of emotionless staff in all my life, and the lay-by just outside is horrible, headlights and boy racers all night
If i ever used to come up against a little hitler or a jobsworth, i always used to say " Your only here cause your cheaper than a padlock ".
gunnerheskey:
If i ever used to come up against a little hitler or a jobsworth, i always used to say " Your only here cause your cheaper than a padlock ".
Haha,very funny,i like that one.
One of the drivers I worked with,used to drive his lorry onto the quarry weighbridge and slap the brakes on.the needle on the big Avery scales used to be going backwards and forwards for about five minutes.The clerk on the weighbridge used to do his nut .
dantruckman:
Me in my good mate get the polish drivers a treat. what you do watch while they go onto a bay to hitch up then they go to get paper work.
Now this is the magic part what you do is put the trailer brake on pull the 5th wheel.
They get in drive away… snap the pipes… and 9 times out 10 drop the trailer lol Another one bites the dust what a shame I hurt my ribs the other day watching it.
I bet you brag to your misses and bum boy’s that your the dog’s bollock’s of a proffesional truck driver when deep down your a complet prick and a danger in any transport yard.