Short stories and tall tales

UK PROFESSIONAL DRIVERS FORUMS OLD TIME LORRIES, COMPANIES AND DRIVERS (INTERACT
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In a slightly different way from the ‘nights out’ thread, this forum is a great source of anecdotes going back over the years, it would be good to hear some of them.

I’ll start - I did some agency work at SP Tyres in Maidstone, which I think was owned by Dunlop. The foreman there (once he found out I was a class 1 driver ‘slumming it’ on a four wheeler) was very fond of telling me about his owner driver son, and how he would help him maintain his unit, which was I believe a high spec Merc.

Every day he would regale me with the details of what he’d been up to, until one Monday when he was quiet nd didn’t seem keen to talk about it any more.

I later found out that his son had a portable TV on the bunk, and that the old man had tilted the cab…

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Bender:
I later found out that his son had a portable TV on the bunk, and that the old man had tilted the cab….

I sold a Transcontinental to lad who did UK / Greece. He was tipping somewhere in Greece and asked if her could borrow their steam-cleaner, which he did. Tilted the cab and was steaming the engine off…Lot’s of steam…which meant he couldn’t see the cab on fire…he’d left his portable stove on … :blush:

If memory serves, she died there…in Peace…in Greece…!! RIP one Transconi… :unamused: :unamused:

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An old mate of mine drove a Leyland Boxer skip truck for a while. He picked it up after it had been in the workshop one day, went down the hill to the traffic lights, hit the brakes and the cab tipped with him in it…

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There was a little firm from W.■■■■■■■ who delivered cement down our way and then they often came into the Mill to pick up paper for Smith bros.W/haven.Well they had this little “mouthy” bloke on for them so I came into the Mill this day and his D1000 tipper was on its side in one of the mills settling tanks.So I go’s into the office and he’s in there "giving it mouth"as usual so I tells him he’ll need a crane to get his motor out the tank!! He tell’s me yea yea mate OK and carries on giving it mouth!! He wandered out of the loading bay a while later-------boy you could hear him screaming above the sound of the Mill!!! His hand brake must have jumped off and it ran down the slope and “plop”!!! couldn’t have happened to a nicer individual!!! Dennis.

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As a kid, I used to hang around a local transport company. They had an early F86, '72 I think. Bloody heavy cab - it always used to take three blokes to tilt it. You couldn’t just gently lift, you had to grab hold and throw it over. It was a right pig!! :unamused:

It needed a windscreen in it for MOT but for some reason they couldn’t get one anywhere so had to put off the test for a fortnight until it was fitted! The boss was very not happy!! :smiley:

Anyway, windscreen fitted, test passed, lorry back to work. Boss just about regaining normal blood pressure, everyone happy…

About a week later, the driver asked the mechanic to look at something underneath. Over the pit she goes, mechanic tweaking, adjusting and generally making a noise so the driver thought he would look under the cab while he had a minute. Grabbed hold of two more guys, one was the boss…chucked the cab over but forgot about the vice on the bench… :grimacing: :grimacing:

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These terrible tales of cab tipping. This one’s not very exciting, but I remember how hacked off I was when it happened. I had a brand new premium cab Roadtrain F831TFL when I worked at Geest/ADL, the thing like most of the fleet was kept very clean and polished regularly, hoovered weekly and the mats swept out at the end of every day.

Unfortunately the orange Sainsbury’s coloured cab faded like nobody’'s business, but at least it was uniform.

Then it had to go up to Thamesside Trucks at Greenhithe for a warranty job, and they tipped the cab with the door not quite shut, so it swung open and walloped something which meant a new door. Which was repainted by them (probably using a bucket and a stiff broom by the looks of it) in a nice bright orange. Probably the right colour, but it stood out like a spare one at a wedding. It looked like a flippin’ panda car…

I lost the will to polish it after that.

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Hiya Jim you mentioned Durose cafe,which we used quite a lot at Bewick Transport in our early years.Well one morning at about 5 a m a lot of drivers (including us)were getting out of our pits when this guy(I think he was a Wareham Transport driver) padded past our “open plan” dorm obviously on his way to the “bathroom”.5 minutes later he comes padding back past,then a couple of minutes later comes trotting past ,but only quicker,and glancing in to the dorm!Then he repeats the process two or three times only quicker!!! Whats that **** looking for we asked as we along with probably 30 or 40 other drivers exited the upper floor and went down to the cafe.Apparently that many drivers had got up and left the dozzy wassock had forgot where his bed was!!! I kid you not!!! Bewick.

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Aaahhh the Durose cafe.
Sorry if this is a bit off topic,but what was the Durose is about a mile from my house.About 50 years ago when my younger brother was at school,in the holidays he used to work on the diesel pumps there.
Many years ago now,it was turned into a motel that went under several name changes over the years,until 2 years ago when the shutters went up and it’s been neglected ever since,I think it will be knocked down in the near future.

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So why did ADL buy a new custom built Sisu dock shunter?
Here’s why: They took delivery of a batch of new 13.6m Gray-Adam refrigerated trailers, three axle, three fridge motors slung neatly under the belly to cool three separate ambient compartments. Very nice they were too.
Especially the one that fell off the back of the old Leyland shunter one night at about 20mph. Proper mess it was…

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Bewick:
Hiya Jim you mentioned Durose cafe,which we used quite a lot at Bewick Transport in our early years.Well one morning at about 5 a m a lot of drivers (including us)were getting out of our pits when this guy(I think he was a Wareham Transport driver) padded past our “open plan” dorm obviously on his way to the “bathroom”.5 minutes later he comes padding back past,then a couple of minutes later comes trotting past ,but only quicker,and glancing in to the dorm!Then he repeats the process two or three times only quicker!!! Whats that **** looking for we asked as we along with probably 30 or 40 other drivers exited the upper floor and went down to the cafe.Apparently that many drivers had got up and left the dozzy wassock had forgot where his bed was!!! I kid you not!!! Bewick.

I only stayed at Durose once - it was like a great shed partitioned off into wooden cubicles that didn’t reach the ceiling - I didn’t get a wink of sleep due to the sounds of snoring and ■■■■■■■ all around.

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stevecook:
I only stayed at Durose once - it was like a great shed partitioned off into wooden cubicles that didn’t reach the ceiling - I didn’t get a wink of sleep due to the sounds of snoring and ■■■■■■■ all around.

Peter’s at Hatfield was exactly the same, I used to think guys were welding in there at night but it was all the static from the nylon sheets.
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: .
And some drivers were slagged off for sleeping in their cabs !

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Most of my amusing memories come from my quarry days. We used to run on a list, as I’m sure most did or do, and take turns doing the early starts. It did make it a lot fairer but also meant you were running with the same guys everyday… The guy I used to follow was a real character but a really nice bloke when you got to know him. He did have a certain way about him though…he would bollock you into next week for no apparent reason - red in the face, waving his arms about and shouting and bawling but turn around and laugh his head off, the bugger was only playing with you!! :smiley: :smiley:

Anyway, one day he had to deliver a load of tar to one of our regular customers. We all knew him quite well and enjoyed the tip and the banter that went with it…

Roy pulled up this particular morning, somewhere near Wantage I believe, got out and proceeded to shout and bawl (in his usual manner…) at the gang, calling them all sorts of useless and lazy barstewards and generally questioning their parentage… :smiley: :smiley:

Unfortunately he hadn’t put the handbrake on so when they had laid 16 tons of tar, they had to re-build the wall and the gatepost, all the while calling Roy a useless, lazy barsteward and questioning Roy’s parentage… :grimacing: :grimacing:

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One incident that always makes me smile was when I hadn’t long got my class 1. I’d worked my way up the ranks from vanboy, to 7.5 tonners, then at 22 was put through my class 1. My old guv’nor let me loose with a brand new artic only 2 days after passing my test, because he knew I’d look after it. Anyway, one of the “old boys” who used to give me grief over it had to take a luton transit into Silvertown. He hated the idea because he was a “senior” and “why doesn’t golden b*llocks take it”. He made a point of saying how inexperienced I was etc etc, but I let it go over my head. Off he went the following morning, up the A21 then into London via the Blackwall tunnel. This is where he became clever, he thought he’d overtake everything in the outside lane, crossed the double white line halfway through the tunnel (naughty naughty), but failed to remember the height of the luton and the hanging steel bars over the outside lane. The roof got torn off, a load of notice boards and office furniture ended up on the road with everything running over it. Tunnel closed during peaktime, a court appearance, endorsement and big fine soon stopped him waffling about my “lack of experience”. :wink: :laughing:

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As some of you may be aware, i’m involved with the touring business, and this tale relates to an incident that happened several years ago.
I was on a tour for about 3 months throughout Europe, and we were running 2 trucks and 2 busses on it.
I’d had a consistent problem with the other truck-driver, who had a problem getting out of bed on time. The production manager had
commented on it several times, and it was becoming somewhat embarrassing. If I told him the load-in was at 09.00, i’d expect him to be
out of bed, ready and waiting at 08.45, but his thinking was to get up at 09.00, then grab a cup of tea, sometimes not being ready for action
until 09.30.
Anyway, we’d done a show in Naples, and were then going overnight to Perugia for a show the following day. The other driver (lets call him Mick),
wanted a brew before he left Naples, so I told him that would be fine, but just to make sure he was at the next gig before 08.00, as they
closed the gate then and we didn’t want the truck not inside the compound.
Predictably, Mick did’nt turn up until 08.05, but we’d already figured a ‘jape’ that would hopefully teach him a lesson.
The venue’s yard entrance was hidden from general view, and required driving through the car-park to get to it. Myself, the bus drivers, and
most of the crew were sat on the bus, watching Mick drive round in circles, trying to find the way in. After 10mins, I got off the bus, and walked
over to Mick, telling him how he’d ******** the job. I then “noticed” a stone wall, which I suggested that if he dissmantled, he’d be able to drive
through the gap into the yard. He’d need to look sharp, as the production mananager was about to get up, and I did’nt want him to see, as it
was getting to the point of Mick getting sacked off the job.
Mick duly dissmantled the wall and drove the truck into the yard, pleased that he’d done it undetected. I had to wipe the smile off his face by
telling him the wall needed rebuilding quickly before anyone noticed. We all sat on the bus, watching through the darkened windows, absolutely
********* ourselves.
The laugh was not yet over though. The bus driver had, on several occassions, asked to be allowed to have a drive of one of the trucks, so when
I explained to Mick that he was now facing the wrong way, he readily offered the bus driver his chance to have a go. They both climbed into the
cab, the bus driver at the wheel, and drove round the corner, through the gate, and then turned round in the car park before returning to the
load-in door, and all the crew rolling on the floor!
Mick, fortunately, saw the funny side, and it cured the problem. I’m pleased to say we’ve remained mates.