martinviking:
the maoster:
Arriving at the cashpoint just behind the person who’s plainly never used one before, but then proceeds to do all of his/her personal banking on it whilst you wait!
Ha ha, about 30years ago, when you used to be able to stop in London, I stopped my 10 tonner outside Harrods for some cash, stood in the queue of about 10 people, finally got to the cash point (more people behind me by now) & promptly forgot my PIN, I felt a right Plonker & wondered back to my wagon with my head hanging in shame.
One of those ‘Wish there was a Giant Hole to swallow me up’ moments. Lol.
could be worse…this could have been you…
)
sign in the Bank Lobby reads: “Please note that this Bank is
installing new “Drive-through” teller machines enabling customers to
withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new
facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when
accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE &
FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate
steps for your gender.”
MALE PROCEDURE
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Drive up to the cash machine.
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Put down your car window.
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Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
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Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
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Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
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Put window up.
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Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
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Drive up to cash machine.
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Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
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Set Handbrake,put the window down.
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Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
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Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
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Attempt to insert card into machine.
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Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
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Insert card.
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Re-insert card the right way.
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Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
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Enter PIN.
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Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
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Enter amount of cash required.
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Check makeup in rear view mirror.
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Retrieve cash and receipt.
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Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
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Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
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Re-check makeup.
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Drive forward 2 feet.
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Reverse back to cash machine.
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Retrieve card.
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Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
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Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.
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Restart stalled engine and pull off.
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Redial person on cell phone.
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Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
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Release Handbrake
Good one DD, sums up a lot of lady drivers & a few male ones.
Romanian Flip Flops who’ve ■■■■■■ me off, with their limiters set at half a click more than mine.
Hip hop songs (of a certain ilk’) that boast about all their Bling- Ferrari’s, Diamonds, Yachts & Cash.
the maoster:
Or even worse Seth is when you get it back, set it out nicely and then kick the bloody stuff over! 
I take it your more careful now the maost. Once bitten… hehe
Settling down with cup of tea and realising you forgot to put sugar in. Back to the kitchen!
Cars with folded in side mirrors,either two or one folded in, they have no view of a motorcyclist coming up behind them.
Drivers that leave a truck with damage or a defect and don’t report it, hoping somebody will get the blame for it.
They will say, it was alright when they had it.
JIMBO47:
loading at a quarry ,standing on the step watching the gauges ,make eye contact with loader driver make hand signal that’s enough on and turn to get back in cab and the &&&&&& drops the rest o the bucket in FFS ,he only loads 
me 3 times a day 5 days a week for near 4 yrs.
he does it to everyone else as well kin swampdonkey!
Stop him half a tonne early. No good stopping him bang on the dot as by the time he’s tilted back the bucket, more’s run out.
Busting for a dump and heading to the only toilet in the yard and seeing the resident fatty wobbling towards it just in front of you.
Muckaway:
JIMBO47:
loading at a quarry ,standing on the step watching the gauges ,make eye contact with loader driver make hand signal that’s enough on and turn to get back in cab and the &&&&&& drops the rest o the bucket in FFS ,he only loads me 3 times a day 5 days a week for near 4 yrs.
he does it to everyone else as well kin swampdonkey!
Stop him half a tonne early. No good stopping him bang on the dot as by the time he’s tilted back the bucket, more’s run out.
aye hes a good guy but gets wound up by some o the other companies,3 buckets and a shake does me 29ish ton.but he always loads the “shake” bucket full . 
thank god the companies get fined over here and no the driver ,on one occasion an O/D that was helping out squeezes in an extra load and arrived as the pit was closing …came out 10tn over and a don’t do it again from the loader. ahh the joys of tipper work.
One that occurred today; sat in a waiting room why does some spanner decide that we’d all love to hear his collection of “wacky” ringtones over and over again? Wuckfit.
Goldilox:
I take it your more careful now the maost. Once bitten… hehe
Yeah, egg fried rice! I was finding the bloody stuff for months.
Getting home to discover the wife had run a bath me and got a bottle of red wine out to warm to room temperature. …
She hadn’t opened it to let it breath. Some people can never be educated.
You have a lid on your bath?
I see what you did there. Very Witty!
Long queues at Starbucks and Costa on the Msa, they only put one or two staff on at peak times and take forever making one cup.
Playing around with levers, buttons, valves,steam valves and switches, you would think it was NASA preparing to launch the space shuttle.
You go in for a 15 minute tacho break but end up having a 45.
the maoster:
Goldilox:
I take it your more careful now the maost. Once bitten… hehe
Yeah, egg fried rice! I was finding the bloody stuff for months.
Ever tried a kebab when you are sober moaster ,ive never drunk as much pop and water thru the night in my life 
and the next day i felt shocking and could not blame the ale
Funnily enough I was parked in Droitwich last night and had a chicken bab with all the trimmings. A late start this morning allowed me the luxury of not being sober in any way! It’s very windy today though.
the maoster:
Funnily enough I was parked in Droitwich last night and had a chicken bab with all the trimmings. A late start this morning allowed me the luxury of not being sober in any way! It’s very windy today though.
Gone for the healthy option with chicken i see pal:wink: dont sound as bad as the blown scruffy donner with garlic and chlli sauce 
Yeah I’m watching my figure Seth. Watching it expand daily unfortunately!
I used to live near a kebab joint that was truly open 24/7 365 days a year. But who wants one sober at 0900?!
Getting white gloss in your hair. I’ve got schofield hair now.