So there was i in the yard when the T/M walks over said could i take a new driver down to spain with me…hes in his truck and me in mine…well it turns out that this driver had just come out of the army and was a friend of someone in the company…but had never been out of england…not in a truck anyway…
so the trailers were loaded from the warehouse and we set off…got the dover to calais ferry and started to pull towards the exit where we stopped and parked…i got to go back to him cos he wasnt making any attempt to get out…right come on we got to get the T forms stamped…like we did in dover…so like a sheep he follows me in to join the queue at the customs…there was a little man running about who i knew from ages ago, he was an agent called jaques Deryke…we always said hello to each other and spoke each others language…me french and he english…which quite impressed my new buddy…
never knew you could talk french he said…what a comment considering i only knew him for a few hours.well takes all sorts…so when we finished customs i told him to put a 50 frank note on his speedometer…as a bung to the gendarme to stop him looking in the diesel tank cos we were only allowed 200 hundred litres and we had 800 litres…well he didnt listen…why i dont know cos i was waved on and he got stuck so i had to walk back to explain to the gendarme…and bung him a 50 frank note on the quiet…but i charged matey 100 franks…just for the trouble…
and off we went…i wanted to make the routier just outside paris for that night and liked to get there early so as to park in a good spot…after all i had my beer money sorted…we got to Arras where i fancied a cuppa by the A1 motorway and pulled in the layby and put the kettle on…eventually he arrived at the drivers door…get your cup i said…what cup ? for your tea i got the kettle on…i havnt got a cup he said…oh ( wish we could swear ) blow me well its lucky i got two of everything…but i was annoyed that no one had told him to come prepared for this journey…i wondered if he had a change of clothes as obviously he had nothing else …i found out later that he never had a t bag with him…but i always carried enough for two and enough food for a month.so it wasnt really a problem…
tea finished we headed for paris.and went on the beer…had a nice horse meat meal (ha ha ) with the old pomme frits and cracked a bottle of cheap plonk just to liven things up a bit…chatting to the many fellow drivers there mostly french and dutch and a couple more gb`s who pulled in later…a great comarderie back then and we finished the night with the usual coffee cognac and staggered back to the hotel camion…
the next day went well and we parked in the town of marseille where i knew one of the bar owners and a couple of the local femmes who used to supply cheap ciggies to…in exchange for a pleasant evening…i think he had the right hump when i disappeared into the truck that evening and drew the curtains and bidding him a good night…laughing as i did so…obviously my companion didnt stay all night as she had a business to run…so had a really good nights sleep.and put the kettle on in the morning before having our breakfast across the road in the bar…ham and eggs.which i made him pay for against his wishes until i pointed out i would be feeding him for a week…
so the next evening we arrived in Zona Franca to await customs clearance, and was glad when they told us it would be the next day at midday…lubbly jubbly. I asked him if he wanted a meal before i showed him the sights of Barcelona…so after the proferbial stew mix up.and a beer each…soaked up with french bread…we hit the town knowing we could have a late one…he got quite chatty and asked if there were any women in town and i told him there were loads…although i didnt want to partake…so we strolled up pig alley…now if any of you guys are familiar with Barcelona as i am sure many of you are…you wil know that there are many transvestites there…but i wasnt gonna tell my new found friend…i was devious to say the least…and wanted a laugh…
so we had a couple of beers in one of the local bars…and got chatted up by two stunning women 
…like i said i declined the offer but nigel decided he wanted some…so after buying her/him a drink asked me what i thought…shes gorgeous i said…i would, if i was in the mood i kidded trying not to laugh…although i am at this moment as i write…so he disappeared outside while i continued drinking…he was taken up an alley where busines is normally conducted and started kissing with her touching him in places that would normally be described as heaven until he couldnt handle the pressure so he started to ■■■■■ it…and got the shock of his life…for this thing had the biggest pair of whatsits between its legs as one would imagine…i couldnt stop laughing as he told me what had happened …and i tried to look shocked…and couldnt control myself with laughter as he told me that he paid £20 for the pleisure…ha ha ha
we had to move from that bar and drank our selves silly for the rest of the evening…meeting up with fellow brits and me promising not to reveal what had happened .because of his embarassment…but it wasnt the first time this has happened…and wont be the last…aurevoir…more later
