Fortunately in 20 years I’ve managed to escape the need to although its been a bit close more than once.
I had that puking and ■■■■■■■■ at the same time thing DaiDap had, it isn’t nice. Only blessing was it happened on the docks at the start of the shift. Still didn’t make it any easier to deal with though.
The bucket is the best way, but come on put a black bag in it first, had to do this on the way back down the Bohnneme late one night.
not laughed as much for ages with the ideas u guys have when u have the shats lol 
merc0447:
chaversdad:
Pedal bin liner in my wash bucket, curtains closed and both windows open for maximum airflow and away you go, quick squirt of fabreeze after and no ones the wiserAnd that ladies and gentlemen is how you know you’ve been doing this job far too long when you have the “runs” down to a fine a art
It took years of practice and the odd spillage before i got it right
Why do you think all the M/E drivers used to keep a bucket hangin off the towing hook of the unit back in the 60’ an 70’s, it wasn’t a badge of honour it were a bloody necessity 
I find that being out on the road,makes the sudden urge twice as bad,. Guts start rumbling, you realise your not to familiar with the area,not sure where the next toilet maybe, then the hot sweats n danger ■■■■■ come back to Remind you of the indian you had last night…this didnt happen to me today 
It’s times like this I’m glad I drive a bulk tipper!!
Had a few occasions where parked up in the middle of nowhere and it doesn’t matter whether you’ve been before you park up, when it wants to come it’s not stopping for anything…so armed with a Morrisons carrier bag (other supermarkets are available) a bog roll and a torch if it’s dark, it’s sheet open, climb in the back, unleash hell on that carrier bag 
, clean up, tie up said bag and find a suitable bin for disposal.
You have to do what you got to do to survive in this game!
I haven’t laughed so much as I have at this thread for ages, keep those stories coming!!
axletramp:
Steam into a suitable layby getting the nearside right over into some cover.
Open passenger door, drop trolleys, hang onto handrails and pebbledashthat works well for me exept for when I did it on the A 75 due to my ibs and practised haste in doing so…hand slipped from the handrails and backwards 360 in mid spray ,out on my neck into the grass,middle of the pitch black poxy night… Cpl of bin liners and a plastic bag does well also.when you gotta go,you gotta go. my bum don’t take prisoners when I get the rabbits nose.
literally brought tears to my eyes, been getting some bits for nights out once i’ve passed just added bucket and heavy duty bin liners to the list !
War-Machine:
just added bucket to the list !
If a bucket fits into your kit box then shove some of your straps in it and you can pull 'em out at once, put 'em away at once, and tip 'em all out quick as a flash if you need said receptacle for more necessary engagements 
i also had the misfortune to have to use the norsemerchant boat from belfast to birkenhead twice a week for 3 years.during this time i always slept on the truck deck and gave away the cabin key as the boat isnt exactly up there in the pleasure department for getting a decent kip,and in the 3 years i had to use the cabins about 4 times,however…feels the captain drop the clutch…sents alarm for 7 hrs 30 so im going to surface halfway up the mersey,.happily snuggled into the bed then 10 mins later,my guts collapse and its the turtles head bigtime…out comes the bags and binliners.a quick version of playing twister by myself…wetwipes out of the fridge,job done with no great disasters…so now i have to wrap it in about 6 bin liners…open the windows a few inches each side because of the wiff,realise i cant sling it anywhere as im not meant to be down on the deck anyway and i dont need the greif of going upstairs with a story about wheres my cabin key that ive gave away to someone i dont know,so…beddybyboes,and when i woke in the morning the smell in the cab would have choked a maggot.ive never been so glad to say byebye to a richard the third in my life as it got slung in the bin before i got to the dock bridge .by the time i got rid of it ,then it was like loosing an old friend…
dieseldog999:
i also had the misfortune to have to use the norsemerchant boat from belfast to birkenhead twice a week for 3 years.during this time i always slept on the truck deck and gave away the cabin key as the boat isnt exactly up there in the pleasure department for getting a decent kip,and in the 3 years i had to use the cabins about 4 times,however…feels the captain drop the clutch…sents alarm for 7 hrs 30 so im going to surface halfway up the mersey,.happily snuggled into the bed then 10 mins later,my guts collapse and its the turtles head bigtime…out comes the bags and binliners.a quick version of playing twister by myself…wetwipes out of the fridge,job done with no great disasters…so now i have to wrap it in about 6 bin liners…open the windows a few inches each side because of the wiff,realise i cant sling it anywhere as im not meant to be down on the deck anyway and i dont need the greif of going upstairs with a story about wheres my cabin key that ive gave away to someone i dont know,so…beddybyboes,and when i woke in the morning the smell in the cab would have choked a maggot.ive never been so glad to say byebye to a richard the third in my life as it got slung in the bin before i got to the dock bridge .by the time i got rid of it ,then it was like loosing an old friend…
[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
I thank you…all true im afraid,not sure whether that’s good or bad,but there you go.
dieseldog999:
I thank you…all true im afraid,not sure whether that’s good or bad,but there you go.
Tears of laughter mate spat my beer out
A couple of cupfuls of catlitter could be a godsend. Not the cheapo catlitter, but along with the bucket, it can be used to - avoid splattering, mask unwanted smells, but more importantly cover up the offending contents of bowel. You could of course take along with you your cats litter tray,but that might be a tad unorthadox.
Not in a trucking world but I have ■■■■ myself while laid on top of the mrs after letting out a ■■■■ that I should of never trusted, should of followed my fathers advise, never trust a ■■■■ past the age of 16… Had garlic bread that was … Off thanks my cooking, I couldn’t imagine what I’d of done if I was in a truck, every single time I had wind it was a trip to the ceramic thrown, and I’d pebbledash the lot… For 3 days
Do envy folk that work in a shop or office. If they get the deli belly they can just nip down the corridor to the loo. In an artic the only guaranteed place with a bog you can park nearby in an MSA unless it’s a regular haunt you know.
I do remember once parking up and putting the curtains round quickly to change into some shorts then got out and put a carrier bag of rubbish from the cab in the bin and getting some funny looks. 
I’ve just been Howling with laughter, what a great thread
I’ve only been caught once. I used to by a pint off milk each afternoon, ready for the night time and morning brew, and cornflakes for brekky to keep it cool, apart from high summer, I’d stand it on the roof, original type F12(flat top to cab), in the morning arm out grab the milk for brew and flakes, then I’m ready to get away. So this particular night I was parked on Brittania road Waltham Cross in the morning usual routine, but I thought the Milk was a bit funny tasting, but I needed My brew and flakes. Gets going heading for Frans Maas at Tilbury, by the time I got the depot My gut felt like a washing machine on full spin, I just abandon the truck and leg it to the toilet, the cubicle looked like a war zone before I started, and under normal circumstances I’d have walked out and held on, but this lot was not for holding, My arse was like a water cannon I felt a little better for an hour or so, I’d done a trailer change and was on My way to Harwich(parkeston quay) but on route had to pull over and throw up what little I had left in My guts in a layby 
. I dropped the trailer on the quay, phoned My Gaffer to tell him I wouldn’t be working the rest off the day, as I wanted to be near a toilet, parked My unit near port services and spent the rest off the day between my truck and the toilets I stayed there all night, phoned in the next morning, ready-ish for work
After that I stopped putting Milk on the roof, and used powdered Milk. some years later those portable cool boxes started to get about, what a god send now its a built in fridge freezer, how times have changed
rogerreno:
It’s times like this I’m glad I drive a bulk tipper!!
Had a few occasions where parked up in the middle of nowhere and it doesn’t matter whether you’ve been before you park up, when it wants to come it’s not stopping for anything…so armed with a Morrisons carrier bag (other supermarkets are available) a bog roll and a torch if it’s dark, it’s sheet open, climb in the back, unleash hell on that carrier bagYou have to do what you got to do to survive in this game!
I haven’t laughed so much as I have at this thread for ages, keep those stories coming!!
Had a mate thought he was safe dropping trowel in the buck of his tipper .he let the whole world fall out of his guts only to look up at three floors of an office block looking down on him