tango boy:
ND888 BIGJ:
I prefer these …drive to the limit with these onDo they do fat [zb] size■■?
Yeah your Mrs 
got you a pack with this for your Birthday 
happysack:
Once had to jump out on the hard shoulder of the m6 near clifton. Just had to go and want going to make junction 40.
Dunna worry! Nobody knows…
Captain Caveman 76:
I always keep a traffic cone in the cab. Sit on it, do business and dispose of. Simples. Pick up a new cone, check its “appropriate” and off I go.
Just make sure you sit on the right end.
WTF,no wonder your names captain caveman 
i bet the road workers love you pal 
STOP IT
nick2008:
tango boy:
ND888 BIGJ:
I prefer these …drive to the limit with these onDo they do fat [zb] size■■?
Yeah your Mrs
You’re gonna look a bit of a ‘rum laerd’ walking around the service station wearing that. Especially when you go to W.H.Smiths for your morning newspaper!
Michael Douglas:
So I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day. He does a number of nights out a week. He said he was in a rural area (Devon somewhere) parked up for the night and had suffered with a bad gut all day. Apart from the obvious and giving people the thumbs up as they drive past the layby that you’re squatting in for a fat one. What would you do in a situation like this? Bearing in mind food poisoning or bugs can last days at a time and you’re a long way from anywhere and there’s no porcelain for miles. I’m just curious as a noob to this. I never really thought about it, but ibs must be a pain in the ■■■ (no pun intended).
IBS??
Try living with Crohns!!! No amount of Imodium tablets etc stops that!
My wife takes around 28 tablets of various kinds A DAY, to try and keep it in check, but 9 out of 10 days usually they don’t ‘touch’ it… 
Michael Douglas:
nick2008:
tango boy:
ND888 BIGJ:
I prefer these …drive to the limit with these onDo they do fat [zb] size■■?
Yeah your Mrs
You’re gonna look a bit of a ‘rum laerd’ walking around the service station wearing that. Especially when you go to W.H.Smiths for your morning newspaper!
I have seen worse walking through a MSA at 5 in the morning
Nothing worse, I once had to pull into services to do my business. I asked to use the toilet,no was the reply not allowed. So I had to do my business in the pitch black,in my rush dropped my keys out my pocket. So it was 50/50 what I found first my business or my keys, thankfully my keys.
:lol::lol:What a zb thread, cracked me up though…
had to curl one out when under spaghetti junction in Birmingham once,
luckily for me,someone had dumped an old washing machine
so I kicked the door off it and sat on it…made the perfect emergency loo.
If it’s Imodium you need, look for the own brand diarrhoea relief tablets in the supermarkets instead. If you check out the small print you’ll find the active ingredients are identical but they are a fraction of the price. This is the same for Neurofen (Ibuprofen), Lemsip and many other over-the-counter medicines. Save a fortune by avoiding the brand names and you’ll still be getting exactly the same products.
Had one of those 24hr bugs a few years ago…
I was doing a night trunk, up to Birmingham, drop and swap trailers, come home. Left Newport driving a flat floor Actros, (which was just as well…) in good weather and good spirits, but that’s as far as my luck held. Just passed Raglan services I felt first pressure down below. Only going to Brum, I’ll drop the kids off at the delivery.
Well halfway down the M50 and I’m seriously doubting I’ll make Strensham. I did make Strensham, by the skin of my… yeah, and the relief was immeasurable, albeit very liquid.
Jumped back in the truck feeling better but still not 100%. Just passing the Worcester turns and I realise Oh Jesus I’m gonna spew. Horsed her over to the hard shoulder, sprinted across the cab, opened the passenger door, and my dinner is coming up a damned sight quicker than it went down.
Unfortunately the pressure created with each heave was too much for the defences below. A breach occurred and I start spraying the back of my strides. I can feel it running down my leg so I half jump, half fall from the cab and into the recently departed dinner, where I lay on all fours firing from both ends. On the M5. On a summers evening.
Eventually I climbed back in the cab, and apart from my boots, naked from the waist down. Everything from my arse down was sacrificed in the clean up. Pity the poor farmer who found that lot in his field. Half a pack of wet wipes later and some clean but ancient shorts I knew I kept in my bag for a good reason and I’m back on the road, although feeling dog rough.
Made it to Brum, did the changeover and drove home, although don’t ask me how. Slept all day and when I woke felt healthy enough, if a little drained. Had a (small) bite to eat and went to work.
I’ll say this though, it was a couple of days before I felt confident enough to ■■■■ again.
DaiDap:
Unfortunately the pressure created with each heave was too much for the defences below. A breach occurred and I start spraying the back of my strides. I can feel it running down my leg so I half jump, half fall from the cab and into the recently departed dinner, where I lay on all fours firing from both ends. On the M5. On a summers evening.I’ll say this though, it was a couple of days before I felt confident enough to ■■■■ again.
You poor thing… 
I had a young black lad over take me on the a50 a few months back, looking very content at the wheel of his truck he was. 10 or so minutes later literally just after burton services he’s parked up in the emergency lay by and this lad was sprinting up the hill and into the trees at the top with hands full of that blue roll
I laughed but I did feel sorry for him, he passed me again 10 mins later.
When I lived on a diet of lager and junk food I found that I would get caught out by having sudden urges to go.
Now I have a much better diet and very rarely get bad guts.
I’ve only been unwell once on the road, got to my first drop. British fermintation and they don’t let drivers use the toilets there. Quickly did the drop even though my belly felt like it was gona explode, ■■■■ like a para trooper and everyone a gamble 
quickly parked outside and sneeked back in without them seeing. Sat on the toilet and it was like a scene outta trainspotting
Blimey, I’ve just read all that and I’ve got a right bubble on! Hope this fella hurrys up and tips me, it feels like King Kongs finger poking out of my arse.
luckily never had the downstairs issue but did when on nights load up at EMA set off back to Newcastle and literally once I hit the m18 started puking my guts up. stopped a few times but it just kept coming.
got told off for sick being along the side of the truck
Contraflow:
Michael Douglas:
I’d be more tempted to buy a large valet bucket from halfords and use that lol!…and what will you do with the bucket after you’ve sharted in it? Keep it in the cab all sharted up? Nice.
Pedal bin liner in my wash bucket, curtains closed and both windows open for maximum airflow and away you go, quick squirt of fabreeze after and no ones the wiser
chaversdad:
Pedal bin liner in my wash bucket, curtains closed and both windows open for maximum airflow and away you go, quick squirt of fabreeze after and no ones the wiser
And that ladies and gentlemen is how you know you’ve been doing this job far too long when you have the “runs” down to a fine a art
merc0447:
chaversdad:
Pedal bin liner in my wash bucket, curtains closed and both windows open for maximum airflow and away you go, quick squirt of fabreeze after and no ones the wiserAnd that ladies and gentlemen is how you know you’ve been doing this job far too long when you have the “runs” down to a fine a art
No-one WAS the wiser until now, 
You can pick some good tips on here, IF you need them,