So I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day. He does a number of nights out a week. He said he was in a rural area (Devon somewhere) parked up for the night and had suffered with a bad gut all day. Apart from the obvious and giving people the thumbs up as they drive past the layby that you’re squatting in for a fat one. What would you do in a situation like this? Bearing in mind food poisoning or bugs can last days at a time and you’re a long way from anywhere and there’s no porcelain for miles. I’m just curious as a noob to this. I never really thought about it, but ibs must be a pain in the ■■■ (no pun intended).
Keep a toilet roll in the cab at all times!
If needs must park unit at a slight angle and ■■■■ in the lay by
ckm1981:
Keep a toilet roll in the cab at all times!
If needs must park unit at a slight angle and [zb] in the lay by
Lol, I’d be more tempted to buy a large valet bucket from halfords and use that lol! 
Michael Douglas:
ckm1981:
Keep a toilet roll in the cab at all times!
If needs must park unit at a slight angle and [zb] in the lay byLol, I’d be more tempted to buy a large valet bucket from halfords and use that lol!
I’ve only had to do it once and it was 3am in the morning on a country road,wouldn’t reco it on a busy dual carriageway 
Michael Douglas:
I’d be more tempted to buy a large valet bucket from halfords and use that lol!
…and what will you do with the bucket after you’ve sharted in it? Keep it in the cab all sharted up? Nice.
never leave home without them 
Contraflow:
Michael Douglas:
I’d be more tempted to buy a large valet bucket from halfords and use that lol!…and what will you do with the bucket after you’ve sharted in it? Keep it in the cab all sharted up? Nice.
Nooo, don’t be soft. I’d spit in it to soften it and brush it out with my hands 
Contraflow:
Michael Douglas:
I’d be more tempted to buy a large valet bucket from halfords and use that lol!…and what will you do with the bucket after you’ve sharted in it? Keep it in the cab all sharted up? Nice.
At least the smell would keep ya awake!!!
burnley-si:
never leave home without them
I can imagine that they leave you feeling fairly bloated lol
Immodium, carrier bags, bog roll - it can be that bad the first one doesn’t always work.
Taking your own food massively reduces the chances of it.
ckm1981:
I’ve only had to do it once…
I’ve only had to do it once this week.
Own Account Driver:
Immodium, carrier bags, bog roll - it can be that bad the first one doesn’t always work.Taking your own food massively reduces the chances of it.
Yeah see, people keep referring to carrier bags for taking a ■■■■? How do you use it? Place it flat on the ground for the contents to flow out? I’d rather stick it over my head whilst ■■■■■■■ on the hard shoulder to remain anonymous… 
ND888 BIGJ:
I prefer these …drive to the limit with these on
Do they do fat ■■■■■■■ size■■?
Steam into a suitable layby getting the nearside right over into some cover.
Open passenger door, drop trolleys, hang onto handrails and pebbledash.
If you have no Immodium, OXO is quite good;
it won’t stop your squits but it will thicken it up a bit.
I used to drive a close coupled drag and be away ALL the time,the A frame was handy for sitting on like a bog,only drawback was it used to leave 2 mucky marks on my legs and get the odd blob of grease on my nib end if if i wasnt carefull 
I always keep a traffic cone in the cab. Sit on it, do business and dispose of. Simples. Pick up a new cone, check its “appropriate” and off I go.
Just make sure you sit on the right end.
Once had to jump out on the hard shoulder of the m6 near clifton. Just had to go and want going to make junction 40.
Captain Caveman 76:
I always keep a traffic cone in the cab. Sit on it, do business and dispose of. Simples. Pick up a new cone, check its “appropriate” and off I go.
Just make sure you sit on the right end.
Now that…is a bangin’ idea! Suppose if you replace it with your cone, the motorway maintenance guys will have a nice surprise when they come to collect them!
Regarding the layby dumpers. If possible try and crap away from the layby. Jump the wall into the field etc. It’s a right nuisance splodging through a curly wurly when walking down the side of one’s trailer.