49er:
I once swam up Niagara Falls! Does that count?
Its true, I seen him do it.
There is accelerometer sensors in the new tacho units which can detect whether your being tipped or loaded whilst on break…
You should put the (Fully Automatic) gearbox into manual mode, that’s the way it’s designed to drive it all the time…
Rolling a truck on downhill at 56mph which is limited to 52mph is speeding…
All according to the Driver/Trainer at KnowHow Newark, a bible of awesome information that guy.
billybigrig:
m4rky:
Here’s anotherVOSA will fine you £30 for every time they can wind the handle on your landing gear to get the legs up fully - cracks me up that one
Just priceless
sammy:
49er:
I once swam up Niagara Falls! Does that count?Its true, I seen him do it.
No because obviously its true
While sat in tnt hub arnhem a class MAM driver began to tell a story about his trip to vladivastok in the far end of russia. I asked him how he did it seeing as i had been to russia many times and he began to tell me that i hadnt lived until i drove there and the middle east. After 10 minutes of pure class crap he then told us he got to the edge of russia and he could see america as he was that far east!! That comment still makes me laugh as i said is amerca not to far away to see and he said no as its only a stone throw!! 
… Where do these clowns learn how to make up such stories?
MMTM that reversing doesn’t count towards driving time as your going backwards!!
everybody loves truck drivers… 
the government is going to let us buy our diesel for 25p a litre simply because they care soooo much about our industry…
there are so many hgv jobs out there that im spoilt for choice…
cyclists are our best friends…
VOSA are going to be disbanded and replaced with the wombles of wimbledon common… (this might have already happened so could be true… 
)
MSA’s are to allow truckers free parking with a slap up 3 course meal because they think we are the best…
Essexboy:
MMTM that reversing doesn’t count towards driving time as your going backwards!!
Cracker
VOSA ford galaxy’s are getting fitted with F1 engines so they can keep up with the Irish lads
If I get stopped by vosa & am overweight I can take off the excess weight with the hiab, leave it at the side of the road & come back for it later , so no problem ! M(manager)tm…
Harry Monk:
Ah yes, it’s all coming back to me now.When VOSA drive past you in a Ford Galaxy, they can download information from your digital tachograph via Bluetooth.
Does this story de-bollockise the above?
Or does my comment create a paradox, because if it is ■■■■■■■■, then the first article cannot be, and if it isn’t then I’m talking ■■■■■■■■ now, and must therefore be left in place in full view for all to see…? 
Winseer:
Harry Monk:
Ah yes, it’s all coming back to me now.When VOSA drive past you in a Ford Galaxy, they can download information from your digital tachograph via Bluetooth.
Does this story de-bollockise the above?
Or does my comment create a paradox, because if it is ■■■■■■■■, then the first article cannot be, and if it isn’t then I’m talking ■■■■■■■■ now, and must therefore be left in place in full view for all to see…?
Mmm not sure - so lets leave this one on
its illegal to drive a tractor unit on a class 2 licence unless 5th wheel is covered up and has a red bow on it 
kemaro:
If I get stopped by vosa & am overweight I can take off the excess weight with the hiab, leave it at the side of the road & come back for it later , so no problem ! M(manager)tm…
No that one is true, we had to do it on the A1 near sandy with round timber, we didnt have a Hiab so towed a lump of tree off each others truck with a chain and left it in the cafe for another lorry with a Jonsered to pick up later
MMTM That VOSA are self funding and fine drivers to keep their jobs
If you get a roadrun on the night before the VOSA office party, you can make a healthy contribution to the VOSA party fund, which also doubles up as their deposit to lose in the next general election.
Simply get pulled for any minor offence, such as driving on the cracks in the pavement, offering as your defence “I was thinking of the children, and decided to keep death off the roads”.
Being robots from the planet Zod, they’ll not laugh and whack you with the full £240 fine which will buy a lot of beer come party night!
Mmtm told me that if you pay cash in tescos and get your digi card swiped this can be used to gain club card points which enables you to buy back hours and reduced your daily restvperiod to 5 hours along as you have 500 points, vosa have a club check card to see how many points you have too
MMTM That: Everybody in Europe speaks English, laddie. (Whilst pulling my jacket zip up to my throat )
He wasn’t my mate, just a lying agency bod.
MMTM That you could drink as much wine as you liked on the boat or in the routiers, and as long as you kept your receipt for food, that proved you had it with your dinner so you couldn’t get done for D&D…
Happydaze:
Overheard a guy saying to another driver “if that load of cornflakes is late they’re going to pull the contract”. How he was privy to that info, I’ll never know!I imagine he was fighting with a colleague later that day.
First one to identify the haulier gets a virtual pint.
Murfitts, circa 1997. Too easy…