Paddy was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
Doc: “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.”
When Paddy returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS!
Doc: “Why, that’s amazing, you followed my instructions?”
Paddy nodded…
Paddy: “I’ll tell you doh, by Jaesuz, I t’aut I were going to drop dead on every tird day.”
Doc: “From hunger?”
Paddy: "No, from skippin’…!
A Man decides to have a party where his guests come as different emotions, from fear to happieness and so-on.
The First guest shows up covered in green paint with the letters N V on his chest,
“What have you come as?” the man asks
“Im green with envy” he says
“Wow thats great, come on in” the man says
A few minutes later a woman turns up covered in pink body stockings with a feather boa wrapped around her private bits,
“Wow, you look great, what have you come as?” says the man
“I’m tickled pink” she says
“Haha, brilliant, have a drink” He says as he lets her in.
Moments later another knock on the door, this time its two naked Irish blokes at the door, One has his ■■■■■ in custard and the other has his ■■■■■ stuck in a pear.
“What the hell have you two come as?” The Man shouts,
Paddy says “Well, im ■■■■■■■ dis custed, and he’s come in dis pear”