I had to stop using the heated seats in my car cos when I let one go & the heated seat was on, I was constantly thinking I’d followed through.
Fat Controller:
I had to stop using the heated seats in my car cos when I let one go & the heated seat was on, I was constantly thinking I’d followed through.
So should we now call you the flatulent controller?
Muckaway:
If site staff wont leave the tea room, I give them a silent souvenir of my visit.
Could say “vintage” to that one,
I often say oohhh bisto 
, or ■■■■ in someone else cab when they open the door got a nice prezzys 
This topics has made me that laugh that hard I ■■■■■■ then nearly wee’d myself 
I wonder if a turd of all members have read this thread?
I know this is fake but
youtube.com/watch?v=v85IBPHv … ata_player
gardun:
BBC NEWS | Health | ■■■■■ gas' link to blood pressureProof that ■■■■■■■ is good
Depends. If I drop a belter in bed, wifey’s blood pressure goes through the roof! 
Here’s a good 'un…
dazteahan:
Mrs and myself got woken up by the flipping cat crawling up under the duvet one night, fortunatley i had my back to the middle of the bed and when the cat made it as far as my arse i let a biggun go!. Result was cat exiting the bed at a rapid rate of knots and straight into the wall. Spent the rest of the night peeing myself with laughter and the cat has given me a wide berth ever since.
Excellent PMSL.
Like my old man used to say, " Dont rip it Ill take the piece"
Ey nothing wrong with abit of wind my dad always said its better out then left in
It’s when you ■■■■ then follow through now that can be a huge problem I heard when we’re all really old this will happen to most of us
With all the moans and groans and sadness on here, I thought I’d bump this thread…
By the way, just let go a twin trump that could be sold by CDC for £150 at Truckfest.
I have just read this thread from cover to cover and haven’t laughed so much for years. Seriously trying hard to contain the laughter in case it wakes the family as we’re past the midnight hour.
I too love and use the “Speak up Brown you’re through” quip and was beaten by Harry Gill in posting this great response.
“I think I’ll twist…” always gets me smiling whenever an “air biscuit”, “brown genie”, “dodgem squeaker” or “a demon has just been been exorcised” prevailed.
Another mate of mine Daz from ATE at Wolverhampton is prone to entering our office and letting rip after a heart attack on a plate style breakfast… When we start complaining about the horrific stench he replies with a smile, “What youm lots smelling, is the bouquet of mar colon”.
wildfire:
my record was 42 seconds for one continuous ■■■■!!! but i do have good musle control
You will make one man very happy one day. Hahaha
Years ago, when my wife’s nan was still alive, it was Christmas day, I’d just had my wisdom teeth out, and her nan had recently had a stroke. As she (nan) got up to go to the karzi, with every step, she let slip a squeaker, in perfect rhythm with her walking. I got the giggles so badly, I burst the stitches in my mouth, and started leaking blood at an alarming rate - this gave her nan the giggles, who then proceeded to parp her way across the floor even louder, making me even worse. It all ended with a trip to casualty to get my stitches sorted…
Gary
Ade1970:
I have just read this thread from cover to cover and haven’t laughed so much for years. Seriously trying hard to contain the laughter in case it wakes the family as we’re past the midnight hour.I too love and use the “Speak up Brown you’re through” quip and was beaten by Harry Gill in posting this great response.
“I think I’ll twist…” always gets me smiling whenever an “air biscuit”, “brown genie”, “dodgem squeaker” or “a demon has just been been exorcised” prevailed.
Another mate of mine Daz from ATE at Wolverhampton is prone to entering our office and letting rip after a heart attack on a plate style breakfast… When we start complaining about the horrific stench he replies with a smile, “What youm lots smelling, is the bouquet of mar colon”.
hiya,
Another response in this neck of the woods is, “who’s set one away”
funny you rarely get an admission of guilt though.
thanks harry, long retired.
My da is 79 and was at a wedding recently with the whole family ,at mass he was sitting in front of the kids row and let her rip ,it was like a comedy club the kids just couldn’t stop laughing and my da never even heard it I don’t think ,just felt it,very funny and all on vid.great thread pmsl."…
Going back a few years , tipped Rungis ( Paris ) and two of us running
empty down to Angers empty for load of apples .
Decided to stop at the White house ( a very good restaurant ) for the night
and run on the next day as not loading till after 3 pm .
Into the bar for the regulation pastis to help the digestion . After a few
to many into the resto for food . Long tables where drivers sit on bench like
seats , french , dutch , germans , english all mixed in together . The lad I
was with had been ■■■■■■■ all day and he let a silent but deadly go while sat
at the table waiting for the food to come .
It did not take long for the stench to waft around the resto . The french were
pulling faces and looking at everyone with accusing looks whilst the germans and dutch were accusing each other . My mate and myself just sat there watching the
expressions on the french faces , very funny and very hard to not laugh and
give the game away .
Good old days lol
quirky
I broadcast one over the quarrys’ 2-way radio earlier on; Response from one of the other shovel drivers “grease that ■■■■■■ bucket!”
quirkyjohn:
It did not take long for the stench to waft around the resto . The french were
pulling faces and looking at everyone with accusing looks whilst the germans and dutch were accusing each other . My mate and myself just sat there watching the
expressions on the french faces , very funny and very hard to not laugh and
give the game away .Good old days lol
quirky
mickyblue:
Thetaff:
A girl came up to me in a bar - short skirt, ■■■■ like ripe fruit, hair in a pony tail. “What would you say if I told you I was wearing no underwear?” she breathed.“I’d say ‘neither am I’.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Really? I’m wearing none because it gives men like you…” she licked her lips, “easy access…”
“Oh?” I replied. "I’ve got none on because I [zb] myself in the gents
This story is not good without pictures
trust me, you don’t want to see pics of Taff without his keks on 
but, there are pics of him wearing a dress somewhere on the internet 