if you ■■■■ in the bath the rising bubbles tickle your nuts…
triple-tango:
if you ■■■■ in the bath the rising bubbles tickle your nuts…
This is true, and isn’t it great to let rip in the bath when you have visitors downstairs?
I’ll reconfess my sin of letting go when near an elderly person and discreetly walking off.
Muckaway:
triple-tango:
if you ■■■■ in the bath the rising bubbles tickle your nuts…This is true, and isn’t it great to let rip in the bath when you have visitors downstairs?
I’ll reconfess my sin of letting go when near an elderly person and discreetly walking off.
hiya,
So it was you Muckaway who dropped one at Witney bus station
when I was waiting for my bus, you took advantage of an elderly guy
who has no sense of smell and I was wondering why the three old
ladies beat a hasty retreat and left me wondering why they’d done
a runner and why they was looking back at me when moving away.
thanks harry, long retired.
i don`t know if anyone can remember the dog on" thats life" that could say sausages…well i can do a similar thing with my bathtime trumps,but instead of sausages,i say “edward woodward”
squeezing a silent one out in the post office queue is very satisfying.
I often make a “gun” gesture with my hand, then point and fire at sombody at the right moment.
Entertaining thread, given it a miss up until now, but had a good chuckle 
I am usually all noise and no smell, love it when I do the walking ■■■■■, especially coming downstairs, it gives a trombone effect. I once fired one off at a BBQ and got a standing ovation from all my mates
Mushy Peas and Saveloys are the things that turn my starfish sound effects into evil smelling things, for maximum effect I release them slowly so it dulls the sound, one of my favourite places is in the boozer, let it out next to a group of birds and walk away, it takes 20secs or so before they all start looking at each other wondering which one let it out
triple-tango:
if you ■■■■ in the bath the rising bubbles tickle your nuts…
I’m in the bath now, and can confirm this is true.
Its better to ■■■■ and smell a little, than hold it in and be a ■■■■■■■…
And should you wish to belch instead -
Its better to burp and taste it than ■■■■ and waste it, although that only really applies to the aromaless pant ripper.
Many moons ago when I first started sleeping with my now mrs I had been down the local had afewpints then home to her house for a chilli this potent brew was bubbling away nicely but I was in the -not ■■■■■■■ in front of the lady- stage of the relationship we ended up in bed doing couples normaly do whist this was going on I was aware of a pressing need to expell some gas but darent we were laying cuddling In the spoons position with her behind me and me clenching my arse as hard as I could when she reached round and playfully squeezed my ■■■■■■■■ it was to much for me my arse let go with an almighty explosion . She could not get out of bed quick enough got tangled in the sheets and head butted the wardrobe
Memory’s a
reagle ill do it:
Many moons ago when I first started sleeping with my now mrs I had been down the local had afewpints then home to her house for a chilli this potent brew was bubbling away nicely but I was in the -not ■■■■■■■ in front of the lady- stage of the relationship we ended up in bed doing couples normaly do whist this was going on I was aware of a pressing need to expell some gas but darent we were laying cuddling In the spoons position with her behind me and me clenching my arse as hard as I could when she reached round and playfully squeezed my ■■■■■■■■ it was to much for me my arse let go with an almighty explosion . She could not get out of bed quick enough got tangled in the sheets and head butted the wardrobeMemory’s a
I just read this to my mrs, I couldn’t stop laughing! she didn’t find it as funny… hahaha
reagle ill do it:
Many moons ago when I first started sleeping with my now mrs I had been down the local had afewpints then home to her house for a chilli this potent brew was bubbling away nicely but I was in the -not ■■■■■■■ in front of the lady- stage of the relationship we ended up in bed doing couples normaly do whist this was going on I was aware of a pressing need to expell some gas but darent we were laying cuddling In the spoons position with her behind me and me clenching my arse as hard as I could when she reached round and playfully squeezed my ■■■■■■■■ it was to much for me my arse let go with an almighty explosion . She could not get out of bed quick enough got tangled in the sheets and head butted the wardrobeMemory’s a
Ahhhh ■■■■■■■ hell
I was seeing a posh bird once, she never ever swore, always dressed immaculately, had a fancy IT job in the City and all that stuff, her one pet hate was ■■■■■■■, I started staying round her place, rather than leaving as soon as I’d tipped, so that we could spend the night cuddling up (her idea not mine, they like that sort of thing evidently ) well in the mornings you know how it is, all you want to do is let rip and then get up before it’s too late, open the bomb doors and let some of Barnes Wallis’s finest go, oh no, she had other ideas, she wanted to give my morning glory some artificial respiration, now that doesn’t seem like a bad alarm clock in theory, but try doing it for real, I have never clenched so tight in my life
Ah I know what. You mean don’t think nothing could ruin the moment more than a bottom burp. Easier said than done if the night has involved alcohol and rich food.
I must be late as the works’ hooter has just blown.
Yes it can be hard work holding one in while she has a mouthfull. I try to remember that if I let one go she may bite…
reagle ill do it:
Many moons ago when I first started sleeping with my now mrs I had been down the local had afewpints then home to her house for a chilli this potent brew was bubbling away nicely but I was in the -not ■■■■■■■ in front of the lady- stage of the relationship we ended up in bed doing couples normaly do whist this was going on I was aware of a pressing need to expell some gas but darent we were laying cuddling In the spoons position with her behind me and me clenching my arse as hard as I could when she reached round and playfully squeezed my ■■■■■■■■ it was to much for me my arse let go with an almighty explosion . She could not get out of bed quick enough got tangled in the sheets and head butted the wardrobeMemory’s a
FPMSL that’s a funny story, I wonder if anyone can “Trump” that
Many moons ago when me and Mrs.D were courting we went for a weekend in Ireland, staying in my cousins house who was living in Dublin. Well laying in bed on the saturday night with enough Guinness inside me to sink a barge she decided I needed a little light relief, bless her, and headed south. Normally this would be very welcome but the Guinness had also worked it’s way south and the noxious gasses were attempting to escape from the other end. Not wanting discourage her I kept schtum and what followed was a master performance of self control. All up until the point of no return when you just have to let go. It was utterly silent but my burning arse cheeks told me it was [zb]ing deadly. I prayed it would pass her by but alas, no. What followed was a sort of Gmmphh, followed by a splutter, a coughing fit, and enough expletives to embarrass a squaddie. Oh but the relief was immense!
As someone said, Memories…
A ■■■■ is good at any time
It gives the body ease
It warms the bed in winter
And is music for the fleas.
I always find that if I have a Chinese the night before then my bouls the next day just open up. It’s normally a routine to have Chinese on a Saturday night so Sunday morning I wake up and within 2mins of waking I find I have to rush to the toilet I sit down then ■■■■ about 10 times before following through nicely. It has been known to do this twice within 30mins on a Sunday. Definitely something in the Chinese yet I still have it like tonight for instance
My missus said the other day that I was ■■■■■■■ in my sleep the night before she goes it’s disgusting, I replied with its not my fault I can not control my bouls in my sleep can I
What is it people and the subject of ■■■■■■■… ive been reading these quotes n ive nearly wet me self with some of the storyies.
One sniff of a ■■■■ or you cut the cheese in a public place n we all turn too giggling recks.BRILLIANT. 
Standing next to some poor innocent soul then walking off, or cut the cheese then look at somebody else in total disgust works great…
RESPECT to all phantom Cheese Cutters 