Sweating like a ■■■■■■■■■■ at playgroup.
He’s that lucky, if he fell in the canal he’d come out holding a tin of salmon
can i have a pay rise boss 
Fat Controller:
He’s that lucky, if he fell in the canal he’d come out holding a tin of salmon
if he jumped in the canal in Walsall, he might have come out holding an out of date tin of Chilli con carne 
mutley:
They look like they’ve been bobbing for apples in a chip panI bet your mother put curtains on your pram & fed you with a catapult
Face like a bulldog licking ■■■■ of nettle
I’m afraid to say, but i’ve had to make a note of them!! And one from me…as much use as a handbrake on a Canoe
If I want to listen to an ■■■■■■■,I will ■■■■.
colder than a witches ■■■
Can’t remember if it’s already been posted and not trawling through them all again:-
As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike!
After a curry " I have an arse like a dragons nostrel"
or " I have been sat here on the bog for an hour praying for a lump"
Put down “Why don’t you go haunt someone else”
or “6ft 2ins, I didnt think you could stack ■■■■ that high”
your not as green as your cabbage looking or you cant educate pork are a couple of my favorites
" I’d drink her bath water " …
He/She could make a stroke victim smile.
Its wetter then a spastics chin.
Had more kids then Jimmy Saville
If the job was supposed to be easy, you would get a woman to do it.
This girl’s so wet for me I can hear the waves breaking in her fanny
She’s got a fanny like a posterboy’s bucket.
My mate’s answer to any problem (he’s a fellow driver with 35 years experience) is “I only ever wanted to be a hairdresser”
Always makes me chuckle!
Sweating like Jill Dando trying to get the front dor key in.
Had a face like Hitler when the gas bill came in.
Shagged her to the neighbours complained abot the smell.
She’s got more kids than Barnado’s
More time off than John Wayne’s safety catch.
My personal favourite (brass players will appreciate it applied to the tenor horn!)
As much use as a chocolate teapot.
just because there’s milk on the doorstep, it dosn’t mean there’s a cow in the kitchen.
Got a face like a bulldog licking ■■■■ off a thistle
He wouldnt drive nails in a bog with a saucepan
Or
I’d rather pay her than feed her