theonlybigman:
When you have done a meag ■■■■ and everyone looks at you -Sorry I had to let it out otherwise it would have travelled up to my brain and I would have had a crappy idea!
Or maybe, just tell them straight:
“I think I’d better go and wipe that”
Reubs.
dukeofdirt:
To someone who always to has to get one up on you. “If I ■■■■■■ he’d [zb] his pants.”
if you’ve been to tenerife, he’s been to elevenerife
You don’t sweat much for a fat bird…
Geoffo:
You don’t sweat much for a fat bird…
Brilliant! I’m gonna shoe-horn this bad boy in next time I’m out, chatting up the fatties.
ive seen more meat on a butchers pencil.
heres a bog roll for your gob.
youve got more chance of platting ■■■■.
You dont sweat much for a fat bird,but you do smell a bit.
lizard:
ive seen more meat on a butchers pencil.
One of my old neighbours used to say
" I’ve seen more meat on a sparrow’s knee cap"…
On the same subject, he looked like a birdcage when he was stripped.
how can anybody be so ugly with only 1 head
You’d be better of employing a monkey with a typewriter… heard this today as someone was referring to our manager, turns out there is a thing called “the infinite monkey theorem” which says if you let a monkey hit a typewriter randomly for long enough it will eventually write something comprehensible, in the mean time it will just be complete rubbish , much like the manager at his computer …
If he had a brain he’s be dangerous.
If he fell in a barrel of ■■■■ he’d still come up sucking his thumb.
He only knows two tunes - one is God Save The Queen and the other one isn’t.
To a larger person " you have more rolls than Gregg’s"
To someone thats cocked up “you need shaggin with the wrong end of a pineapple”
you can talk sense to a fella with a wooden leg but not one with a wooden head
old tm used to say every time he put phone down to a certain lady she wants fingerin with a wire brush the stupid b**ch
My dad always says “I’ve seen more muscle on a fried egg butty”!
If it’s got ■■■’s or tyre’s it’ll give you trouble.
How can you tell if a manager is lying? His lips are moving!.
Got called a fat [zb] by a bloke in front of a crowded office at work so came back with
It’s your wifes fault!, everytime i [zb] her she gives me a biscuit! 
he shut up after that 
Yo momma’s so ugly, that she often finds it difficult attracting members of the opposite ■■■.
Yo momma’s so fat … that there’s a strong chance of her developing type 2 diabetes. Get her to the doctors.
about as much use as ■■■■ on a fish
When trying to fit a pin into a hole or similar.
“do you want some hair round that so you can get in in?”