Exciting opportunity to work as a Steering Wheel Jockey for a prestigious blue chip company. We are looking for a dynamic forward thinking individual who must be able to work on their own initiative and as part of a team 
Hurry up and take your time
Operational requirement 
You’ll have to wait… Followed by a few hours later. Where are you I thought you’d be further than that
The gas man:
My gaffer usually says TEAM
T together
E everyone
A achieves
M moreThe Twa!!!
Next time offer this in response- TW*T
T together
W with
A arsewipe at
T top
I did have this phrase said to me once, when something had gone wrong and it was traced back to the office, eventually.
“lets not lose our heads, it was only a minor clerical error” 
that cost several pounds in diesel and wages to put right,
was originaly “you’ve cost us a lot off money, but you’ll still want your wages, who’s going to pay me”. 
Dipper_Dave:
One of my old managers loved to say:
“To assume makes an ■■■ of u and me”.
He loved to use it and thought he was so clever. It really got on me ■■■■.
I let him off though coz I snogged and fingered his wife at a works do.If by chance he is on this forum and recognises this phrase please say hello to Linda for me…
ha ha! didn’t he notice you with your hand down her kecks on the dance floor!!■■ 
They say what took you so long.
Their regular driver can do it in such a time.
Silly slogans on trailers are “Delivering integrated logistics solutions.”
“Your business is our business.”
“Just in time services.”
“Fast service.”
“We are the best.”
Dipper_Dave:
One of my old managers loved to say:
“To assume makes an ■■■ of u and me”.
He loved to use it and thought he was so clever. It really got on me ■■■■.
I let him off though coz I snogged and fingered his wife at a works do.If by chance he is on this forum and recognises this phrase please say hello to Linda for me…
can you do me a favour
reasonable request (had this one at ASDA loads) and it was always followed with i dont find that ‘reasonable’
Manager:-
“I wouldn’t ask you to do something I’d not be prepared to do myself”.
Me:
“Best do it yourself then.” 
“Alright Chuck/Darling/Mukka”
As it’s usually followed by
“Can you just…”
from the garage “let it develop” 
Don’t forget your seven P’s…
Paperwork
Properly
Planned
Prevents
■■■■
Poor
Performance.
Peter’s ■■■■-Poor Performance Pouted Pat’s Petulence - Probably.
JLS Driver SOS:
Dipper_Dave:
One of my old managers loved to say:
“To assume makes an ■■■ of u and me”.
He loved to use it and thought he was so clever. It really got on me ■■■■.
I let him off though coz I snogged and fingered his wife at a works do.If by chance he is on this forum and recognises this phrase please say hello to Linda for me…
I keep coming back and reading this by dipper dave ,propper funny
seth 70:
JLS Driver SOS:
Dipper_Dave:
One of my old managers loved to say:
“To assume makes an ■■■ of u and me”.
He loved to use it and thought he was so clever. It really got on me ■■■■.
I let him off though coz I snogged and fingered his wife at a works do.If by chance he is on this forum and recognises this phrase please say hello to Linda for me…
I keep coming back and reading this by dipper dave ,propper funny
me too !!! great innit !!!
“Relevent stakeholders” What the hell?
“Supply Chains”
“Solutions”
my management love saying , sorry it’s buisness needs .
BOSS: There is no I in team.
BEANIE: No there’s not. There’s ten in “Beanie is an artic driver with individual brilliance” and none in management!
You go into the office, told to park up,fuel up, take your card out go into the office to clock out.
Then they say
…are you in a hurry to get away
‘Leave it with me’ or the other one that grates me ’ at the end of the day’