Oh dear. Just waiting for the pc brigade with no sense of humour to come along and start carrying on about your cruelty to children.
Anyway, if you ram the mother while Tristran is stood up, you could, with good timing, get two birds with one stone.
An update on the “christian aid annoys Muckaway” saga; Some woman constantly banged our front door on Thursday evening (I was still at work) when the Mrs was getting the kids ready for bed. The wife gets fed up and answers the door and CA lady says “oh you’re in then? I’ve come for the (much bigger than they used to be) donation envelope.” After the wife pointed to it poking out under the doormat (empty) the woman tutted and walked off.
Why do these bible bashers think it’s law to give money to them?
Muckaway:
An update on the “christian aid annoys Muckaway” saga; Some woman constantly banged our front door on Thursday evening (I was still at work) when the Mrs was getting the kids ready for bed. The wife gets fed up and answers the door and CA lady says “oh you’re in then? I’ve come for the (much bigger than they used to be) donation envelope.” After the wife pointed to it poking out under the doormat (empty) the woman tutted and walked off.
Why do these bible bashers think it’s law to give money to them?
You must have a fish in a window somewhere mate 
If you live on an unadopted road, for some reason they seem to leave you alone, perhaps I have a pentagram around that I don’t know about.
F-reds:
perhaps I have a pentagram around that I don’t know about.
Funny you should say that, my Mrs said we should have some voodoo symbol in the window to scare the buggers off. I pointed out however, that come Halloween, all the riff raff and benefit claimants will bring around their three kids by different men for a feed. 
Bloody street preacher in Banbury today with a pair of retards giving out leaflets. Mini Muckaway stops and says rather loudly, “look Daddy some God botherers!”
I like to teach my kids to be tolerant.
^^^That is being printed off right now. Then it will be laminated and stuck on the door.
The-Snowman:
Fat Controller:
Or let the little darlings stand in supermarket trolleys. Several times now I’ve banged into their trolley hoping the little bleeder will fall, so far without success. Can anybody tell me where I’m going wrong?Sounds like you’re making the rookie mistake of bashing the trolly when the little darlings are holding on. To make it look like an accident you have to use low impact so if they are still grabbing the sides or whatever then they wont tumble. You need to time it right, eg when they are standing in the middle of the basket or better yet,when they are pointing to a slab of chocolate the size of a tombstone and demanding it for their dinner. They are so pre-occupied with pointing and wailing that when you “accidently” side swipe the trolley you will get the desired effect.
Thanks for the tip Mate. I’ll try that next time I see one. And, while we’re at it, people who faff about packing a load of stuff into their bag & then take ages to find their card. You’ve had ample time to get the darned thing ready while you were waiting to be served 
And…And… people who try to go through the 10 items or less lane with a lot more than 10 items. Can’t they count? Oh Dear! I seem to have gone all Victor Meldrew. Time for my medication I think.
People who bring their little darlings up close to watch our grab wagon, and then wince/put their hands over their ears when brick rubble makes a crashing sound in the tipper.
Big Issue sellers, especially foreign ones. Why are we importing dossers when we have our own?
Local news on line using “stock images.” Every reported fire in Oxfordshire gets a photo of a 12 plate fire engine down the Cowley Road in Oxford.
Those health lottery adverts. Are only elderly people eligible to play?
How annoying the English are by using the word sorry all the time, if you stamped on a strangers foot in the high street on purpose, he or she would say sorry when you stamped on their foot .
Too many adverts on commercial tv and radio stations, a show on tv , that is on for an hour, will have about 17 minutes of the actual show, the rest in adverts .
The lack of driving skills for all the sheep that decide to join the other millions of sheep and join long tailbacks and traffic jams by leaving at the same time for the Bank Holiday get away madness.
They will not check their vehicles, and tyre condition and always breakdown in pinch points and road works on motorways , because they are too tight to spend money and not replace the worn tyre on the wobbly box or camper van .
If you are going away for the holiday, why not leave at 2 or 3 am, by that way , you arrive relaxed and not stressed, the temperatures are cooler, so the engine will not over heat with the five tons of stuff that will never be used in the back of the wobbly box, with the axles touching the tarmac on the towing vehicle .
You miss all the traffic and every man and his dog going to Devon and Cornwall, Monday night, put all above in reverse, they are all going back, expect the giant car park on the A 303 near Stonehenge .
Simon Cowell, we do not want to see your chest wig hair, do your shirt up properly . 
Coffin dodgers that choose to do their grocery shopping at the weekend when they’ve probably had all week to do it, possibly on the way home from their bowls meeting… Then they meet Phyllis and Bert who they haven’t seen since Rose popped her clogs, and go about blocking the whole isle oblivious to the obstruction they are causing while they discuss the pro’s and con’s of the Fixodent range!
Yes I’m aware that some pensioners only have transport when a working family member is free, and they have special dispensation in my book. It’s the others that COULD do their shopping when most of us can’t that should be booked into the Dignitas clinic…
Guys at the gym who take about 6 sets of weights and then no one else can use them. And they always seem to be standing around talking, not actually lifting anything.
Women at the gym who are plainly only there to either look for guys or to show off how they look in their gym clothes (always a crop top and painted on 3/4 length leggings). There was one in the gym tonight who had her make up all done and her hair perfectly straight and was doing about 2mph on the treadmill. Join a dating site or go speed dating. Anything really, but ■■■■ off and leave the gym for what its supposed to be for.
People who use equipment and dont wipe it down afterwards. I dont want your sweat on my towel thanks. Wipe it after you use it ya clatty ■■■■■■■
People who dont use the equipment properly.
People who have to grunt and yell loudly when lifting weights. Especially when they’re doing bench press with about 35kg on it!
Having to go and search for weight plates. If you can lift it, put it the ■■■■ back
Hanging wallpaper and being two strips short. You then have to go and buy a full roll for two strips of paper. (Take a guess what happened to me earlier today!)
The stupid canteen staff at work who decided to put a pot noodle in a vending machine along with a plastic spoon to eat it with.
Road signs littered with posters promoting “DJ ■■■■ and MC Sunshine Bus” type music nights.
Mouldy floral tributes.
Car dealers putting grotty trade in vehicles on verges near their dealerships, pretending they’re private sellers (like Oxford Motor Park, Kidlington).
Endless fly on the wall medical documentaries on tv.
Cake Boss (or should it be “bawss”?) and their annoying Mafia accents.
The endless referendum debates.
Muckaway:
The endless referendum debates.
Me too. And thats just for this site! It seems a new one pops up every other day. And ends up being the same arguments and points as all the others
The-Snowman:
Muckaway:
The endless referendum debates.Me too. And thats just for this site! It seems a new one pops up every other day. And ends up being the same arguments and points as all the others
I decided to vote leave before Carryfast and his sidekick, Kato, sorry Rjan decided to spam up the forums with “who can the post the longest waffle that everyone scrolls past” posts. Also I don’t need some Scottish transvestite ■■■■ poor Jimmy Krankie rip off to take up a tv channel when I’m sat down eating my dinner. (She almost puts me off, Jimmy)
Children in the pub with ipods listening to noise like chipmunks getting castrated…
Every town in the UK is full of endless coffee shops and charity shops.
Charity shops that sells suit cases from when dinosaurs roamed the earth or from the 1970’s .
Furniture from a house clearance where the occupant has died.
Fishing rods from the 50’s .
Clothes that were in fashion 30 years ago but make great oil and grease rags for the lorry .
Goods in that say they can’t tip you for a few
hours but soon do if you tell them you are pulling the cab curtain for a kip or start cooking up in the cab .
People at sporting events videoing it on their phone, rather than actually watching it.
They are basically adding a screen to the equation, they may as well watch it at home on telly! 
And don’t tell me that they ever bother watching it back later…