At the moment I am doing a bit of temping work, as it’s the main holiday season so no good looking for permanent work, with so many folks away at places.
Like the good soldier that I am, I always don a high vis vest when getting out the car. A clean one that is washed every weekend. Not into all this H&S bullshoot nowadays, so anything that gets me through the day with the minimal amount of negative interaction, or to be more precise “look Pal, I’m just a truck driver delivering your stuff, where do you want it so I can get the hell out this place”, is fine by me. Heck I even have my own hard hat in the boot of the car, as well as reflective trousers if needed. Two satnavs in the bag as well as paper maps too, a flask of coffee and I’m ready to roll.
Anyways to the point, I have now joined the ‘elite’ of drivers by now having my very own bluetooth earpiece. I do however refuse point blank to limp anywhere though, nor turn up on contracts unless clean shaven, with polished shoes and clean clothes. Does this make me the ultimate agency warrior, or am I setting a bad example by being professional, courteous and well presented? Answers on a postcard to…
p.s. I am a great believer in getting one chance to create a good impression…
You’re supposed to don a very dirty greasy hi-vis from the time you leave home and not once removing it even when entering a nice clean cab. Carry on the way you are you’ll never fit in as an agency driver
I’m afraid you’ll never cut it as an agency man, the Bluetooth must have flashing light the “one hit limp” is a must so is the filthy high viz coat which has to be worn whilst driving whatever the weather along with a bobble hat, and to complete the look a “bag for life” is the seasons must have accesory.
mike68:
I’m afraid you’ll never cut it as an agency man, the Bluetooth must have flashing light the “one hit limp” is a must so is the filthy high viz coat which has to be worn whilst driving whatever the weather along with a bobble hat, and to complete the look a “bag for life” is the seasons must have accesory.
Plus dirty jeans with the ■■■ hanging down near the back of your knees.
mike68:
I’m afraid you’ll never cut it as an agency man, the Bluetooth must have flashing light the “one hit limp” is a must so is the filthy high viz coat which has to be worn whilst driving whatever the weather along with a bobble hat, and to complete the look a “bag for life” is the seasons must have accesory.
This. I got a new hi-viz vest this week so made sure I slapped plenty of fifth wheel grease over it before climbing into the cab of a brand new MAN with just 286km on the clock. Must admit to feeling like I’d been denied my right as an agency driver as I looked over to the bunk and it would appear whoever delivered it had beaten me to having a kip on it with their boots on.
Also don’t forget that for bonus points you’ve got to fully adjust the seat both in height, rake, forward/backward, lumbar support, change every mirror and if the truck has bluetooth hands free for your phone, delete the regular day drivers phone when you pair yours and find its full. (Have to admit to doing all of this every night apart from the last one as I found an agency driver had been kicked off the job so I delete his phone now instead of a random one from the list).
Funnily enough I was on a bay today and witnessed an agency elite in action.
Now picture the scene theres me on one bay and a stobbies to my right with an empty bay inbetween us, suddenly along comes a white reefer and parks in front of us barely 5 feet away.
Nothing unusual as yet but now it gets interesting, the driver clambers out and limps round to assess the bay area and the tricky reverse that lay in front of him. Now ive seen some plums (both weird folk and genitalia variety) in my time but what we have here is a geezer who appears to have followed the agency drivers handbook to the letter, grubby hi viz, pootooth earpeice, fashion crime shorts the lot, all that was missing was a badly violated Lidl carrier bag.
Anyway assessment complete the driver returns to vehicle to spin round so he is not faced with a blindside, fair dos there was loads of room but Mr Agency dude who I shall from now on call Cyril (as that was his name) proceeds to use very little of the space available and in an attempt to destroy the tyres screws her round and leaves the blackest ring I have seen since watching Venus Williams at Wimbledon.
Manouvre complete Cyril then assumes his starting angle for the monumentaly difficult reverse. Its at this point both myself and mr stobbies realise this starting position is wrong and we look at each with what can only be described as a regular drivers mutual understanding for an agency cockup in the offing. Jumping out our cabs we then offer Cyril all our support to get her in without damage.
Anyway after 5 shunts, 2 near misses, 1 complete restart and a fair bit of sweat from our Cyril eventually he was in and then shortly after straight out again to open doors and back in which he acclomplished OK on his own.
Course we where all friends by now and didnt give Cyril a serious ribbing who apparently has been driving on and off for 10 years, mostly off I would bet. Anyway if Cyril is a member I must apologise for mr stobbies who waved goodbye with a coffee beans gesture in Cyrils direction when he departed and I nodded in agreement which I think Cyril saw as he was a little frosty waiting for the paperwork afterwards.
mike68:
I’m afraid you’ll never cut it as an agency man, the Bluetooth must have flashing light the “one hit limp” is a must so is the filthy high viz coat which has to be worn whilst driving whatever the weather along with a bobble hat, and to complete the look a “bag for life” is the seasons must have accesory.
This. I got a new hi-viz vest this week so made sure I slapped plenty of fifth wheel grease over it before climbing into the cab of a brand new MAN with just 286km on the clock. Must admit to feeling like I’d been denied my right as an agency driver as I looked over to the bunk and it would appear whoever delivered it had beaten me to having a kip on it with their boots on.
Also don’t forget that for bonus points you’ve got to fully adjust the seat both in height, rake, forward/backward, lumbar support, change every mirror and if the truck has bluetooth hands free for your phone, delete the regular day drivers phone when you pair yours and find its full. (Have to admit to doing all of this every night apart from the last one as I found an agency driver had been kicked off the job so I delete his phone now instead of a random one from the list).
Being the good agency driver I have been this week, no wrong drops, no damage, no irate customers, no death threats on the road (incoming or outgoing), I have even managed to stock up on tachograph rolls and tachograph disks, for those inevitable contracts where someone says “don’t you supply them drive?”.
Today I had a manual Mercedes, as opposed to the auto Volvo I have on another contact earlier in the week. Both returned in good order and fit for another days work for someone else. I’ve even cleaned all the mirrors and the lights for the regular driver today. I know I’ll never be a ‘proper’ agency driver, but I get a feelgood factor by breaking the mould and doing the job right…
LIBERTY_GUY:
Being the good agency driver I have been this week, no wrong drops, no damage, no irate customers, no death threats on the road (incoming or outgoing), I have even managed to stock up on tachograph rolls and tachograph disks, for those inevitable contracts where someone says “don’t you supply them drive?”.
Today I had a manual Mercedes, as opposed to the auto Volvo I have on another contact earlier in the week. Both returned in good order and fit for another days work for someone else. I’ve even cleaned all the mirrors and the lights for the regular driver today. I know I’ll never be a ‘proper’ agency driver, but I get a feelgood factor by breaking the mould and doing the job right…
(1) Spots - Terminal acne is a must
(2) Any phone apart from the very latest model
(3) High Viz that’s been used to re-grease the 5th wheel
(4) Designer Stubble of around 72 hours length, reflecting the number of hours you’ve already put in this week - and it’s only Wednesday.
(5) Van with such an old registration, it looks like you’ve nicked it from around the back at a local fairground.
(6) Sunglasses with open eyes superimposed upon them, hiding the fact that you’ve dozed off whilst sitting in traffic.
(7) Calliper on one leg, to give that “limp” effect even if you have perfectly healthy legs.
(8) A placard saying “Think of the Children” on the back - since you’ll be at work so many hours, you’ll not be at home long enough to add any more to society.
(9) A phone number advert for your agency, that’s actually an office about 50 miles away. The local branch strangely does not have the work at the yard you’re working at…
(10) A licence with 6-9 points on it. “Speeding” endorsements are mandetory here (since other types of endorsements such as DD, DR,IN, etc. have been ruled out in the original agency advert you replied to…!)
There is no place for courtesy in transport I was talking to the national onion rep(■■■■■■■■■ blagger)he told me I can’t get off agency as I’m an horrible ■■■■■■■ .this was cos I insisted making drivers tip vehicles so loaders have time to do shunting unlicensed sounded like an usdaw protocol .how corrupt is transport .it makes banksters look like angels
Dipper_Dave:
Funnily enough I was on a bay today and witnessed an agency elite in action.
Now picture the scene theres me on one bay and a stobbies to my right with an empty bay inbetween us, suddenly along comes a white reefer and parks in front of us barely 5 feet away.
Nothing unusual as yet but now it gets interesting, the driver clambers out and limps round to assess the bay area and the tricky reverse that lay in front of him. Now ive seen some plums (both weird folk and genitalia variety) in my time but what we have here is a geezer who appears to have followed the agency drivers handbook to the letter, grubby hi viz, pootooth earpeice, fashion crime shorts the lot, all that was missing was a badly violated Lidl carrier bag.
Anyway assessment complete the driver returns to vehicle to spin round so he is not faced with a blindside, fair dos there was loads of room but Mr Agency dude who I shall from now on call Cyril (as that was his name) proceeds to use very little of the space available and in an attempt to destroy the tyres screws her round and leaves the blackest ring I have seen since watching Venus Williams at Wimbledon.
Manouvre complete Cyril then assumes his starting angle for the monumentaly difficult reverse. Its at this point both myself and mr stobbies realise this starting position is wrong and we look at each with what can only be described as a regular drivers mutual understanding for an agency cockup in the offing. Jumping out our cabs we then offer Cyril all our support to get her in without damage.
Anyway after 5 shunts, 2 near misses, 1 complete restart and a fair bit of sweat from our Cyril eventually he was in and then shortly after straight out again to open doors and back in which he acclomplished OK on his own.
Course we where all friends by now and didnt give Cyril a serious ribbing who apparently has been driving on and off for 10 years, mostly off I would bet. Anyway if Cyril is a member I must apologise for mr stobbies who waved goodbye with a coffee beans gesture in Cyrils direction when he departed and I nodded in agreement which I think Cyril saw as he was a little frosty waiting for the paperwork afterwards.
Me? 