Dear OP. Unless you smell of urine, you’ll never cut it.
mercury:
Should I decide dignity crimes are illegal I’d go to the onion rep .oh wait [zb] .them too
Wot’s a “dignity crime” - Is that popping off to Switzerland to pop your own clogs?" 
Never mind that Winseer, the bloody fella’s going to the ’ onion rep '.
Probably with a spring in his step.
mercury:
Should I decide dignity crimes are illegal I’d go to the onion rep .oh wait [zb] .them too
Did talking to the onion rep bring tears to your eyes?
Hope he doesn’t get in a pickle.
Anyway, I don’t quite get the limp part yet. Maybe another year on TN will give me more insight. Also the Aldi bag bit - are there THAT many Aldi stores in the UK?? I wouldn’t have thought so, but maybe I should get out more…
Dipper_Dave:
Funnily enough I was on a bay today and witnessed an agency elite in action.Now picture the scene theres me on one bay and a stobbies to my right with an empty bay inbetween us, suddenly along comes a white reefer and parks in front of us barely 5 feet away.
Nothing unusual as yet but now it gets interesting, the driver clambers out and limps round to assess the bay area and the tricky reverse that lay in front of him. Now ive seen some plums (both weird folk and genitalia variety) in my time but what we have here is a geezer who appears to have followed the agency drivers handbook to the letter, grubby hi viz, pootooth earpeice, fashion crime shorts the lot, all that was missing was a badly violated Lidl carrier bag.
Anyway assessment complete the driver returns to vehicle to spin round so he is not faced with a blindside, fair dos there was loads of room but Mr Agency dude who I shall from now on call Cyril (as that was his name) proceeds to use very little of the space available and in an attempt to destroy the tyres screws her round and leaves the blackest ring I have seen since watching Venus Williams at Wimbledon.
Manouvre complete Cyril then assumes his starting angle for the monumentaly difficult reverse. Its at this point both myself and mr stobbies realise this starting position is wrong and we look at each with what can only be described as a regular drivers mutual understanding for an agency cockup in the offing. Jumping out our cabs we then offer Cyril all our support to get her in without damage.
Anyway after 5 shunts, 2 near misses, 1 complete restart and a fair bit of sweat from our Cyril eventually he was in and then shortly after straight out again to open doors and back in which he acclomplished OK on his own.
Course we where all friends by now and didnt give Cyril a serious ribbing who apparently has been driving on and off for 10 years, mostly off I would bet. Anyway if Cyril is a member I must apologise for mr stobbies who waved goodbye with a coffee beans gesture in Cyrils direction when he departed and I nodded in agreement which I think Cyril saw as he was a little frosty waiting for the paperwork afterwards.
An enjoyable read, old mate. You should write for T&D! Robert 
Oops, I think I meant Lidle not Aldi 
Not to worry 
Robert. I like the Lorries of Arabia 
I saw someone close to being the Ultimate Agency Warrior last week. He had it all going on (nearly).
Scruffy hi-viz - CHECK
Limp - CHECK
Trainers - CHECK
Failed by only having 1 ear piece in though
eagerbeaver:
Never mind that Winseer, the bloody fella’s going to the ’ onion rep '.Probably with a spring in his step.
I’m sure if you peel off the outerlayer, you’'ll find something that smells more strongly underneath…
Gotta say that as “Conspiracy theorist in Chief” don’t I?
Winseer:
eagerbeaver:
Never mind that Winseer, the bloody fella’s going to the ’ onion rep '.Probably with a spring in his step.
I’m sure if you peel off the outerlayer, you’'ll find something that smells more strongly underneath…
Gotta say that as “Conspiracy theorist in Chief” don’t I?
I’m reminded of the time I thought I heard the onions sing, turned out it was just the chives talking!
Right, thats shallot!
Where’s me coat!
Agency drivers:
Earn more than their regular driver counterparts.
Have to be versatile as they drive different vehicles everyday.
Have to learn new routes daily including ALG routes if working weekends.
They get paid more for a reason. No job security, ever changing working environments.
All IMHO of course
With all that money they still can’t afford soap to wash their clothes or hair. Amazing.
happysack:
With all that money they still can’t afford soap to wash their clothes or hair. Amazing.
A dignity crime I’ll list them from last week .if u want the toilet shi…T under the trailer .if u. Want to eat bring sandwiches .if you tip on break the company makes more money .“what if I called you a ■■■■■■■■■■■■ u won’t run bent ."runbent please"all the things u ask a deskjockey and he says I’m wearing a tie .u do it…just a few dignity crimes this month
Put women in the office and I’ll wash I don’t get ponced up for talking bollox to a miner
I am STILL being the ultimate agency warrior. Polished up my rigger boots to a high gloss sheen last week and ended up looking more like a ■■■■ storm-trooper than a tipper driver. 
This weekend I noticed a small tear in my work jeans, so am scrapping them so I will look smart on Monday morning. Well that is I would if the agency had tried to offer me something sensible rather the the pallet network job, or the distance job both of which I declined. Felt so much more professional declining these, whilst using my recently acquired bluetooth earpiece. Could clearly hear the sarcastic tone in the agency consultants tone when he said “Oh, so you don’t do distance either”.
The ultimate employee .doesn’t speak English .two foot tongue .thinks running bent is OK if mr office man gives him an early finish Friday .passed his test last month so picks on the pros who freelance to show muppets howits done properly .its the old saying do you want a good doctor or a rubbish one with a blow dry clean shave and after shave
mercury:
The ultimate employee .doesn’t speak English .two foot tongue .thinks running bent is OK if mr office man gives him an early finish Friday .passed his test last month so picks on the pros who freelance to show muppets howits done properly .its the old saying do you want a good doctor or a rubbish one with a blow dry clean shave and after shave
Nowt wrong with being clean and presentable in the workplace, whether it driving or indeed any other type of work. Likewise I am always polite to the clients customers, even when they are being a tad awkward.
The are two types of client out there that employs agency drivers. The first is to cover holiday periods, staff absences and genuine temporary increases in workload. The second type of client is the ‘snap your fingers and have an agency driver in ten minutes’ type, that wonders why their staff ring in sick all the while and why the agency struggles to keep finding them new people and why nobody wants to work for them.
And the ones who can’t meet regs so need agency to mitigate risk
Spit and sawdust. Not shampoo and set .no place for dandy truckers.however I’ve booked an image consultant to keep the dandy’s quiet