The next episode in the The One With…
The reason for the title will become evident later.
For the previous week I must have been feeling a little unwell based on the fact that I haven’t taken many pictures.
Those that I did take include late night deliveries into Birmingham…
Now I should point out that I spent some 02:30hrs waiting for a bay whilst I was there (not a problem personally as that allowed plenty of time for general internet relaxing). To sum up my night thou, when I was allowed on the bay, as I pulled forward the heavens opened and the end result me very soaked whilst hanging out the window reversing it on the bay.
A text comes through (we are at the fore front of technology 
) and a swap of the boxes see’s me heading for Thetford. I managed to park it up for the night some 5 minutes walk away from the collection point.
Seeing as I clocked off at 23:55 that night, I wasn’t in the mood for cooking, so a quick two minutes walk and I was at a McD’s, only problem though it closed. So I decide on walking around the drive thru. It seemed like a great idea at the time until I get shouted at
Them: What do you think your doing?
Me: Well I’m trying to get a deli sub thing.
Them: Well you should have brought your vehicle around.
Me: I would but I wouldn’t be able to make the corner let alone under the barrier.
At this point there was a lot of confused faces, so I explained that I could show them if they wish but seeing as its an artic at some 14ft 6 there wouldn’t be much of a building left it and seemed pointless. Needless to say I ended up getting served and allowed on my way.
Now on these forums Radio 2 has been recently taking a bit of bashing, however it kept me very entertained during this week with its discussions. The best being ‘Is it the NHS duty to supply ■■■■ to those during IVF treatment’. It was quite funny listening to women say that they would not to conceive a child that was a result of ■■■■. So I’m afraid boys it no longer thinking of beautiful women like this …
but instead using your own imagination which makes women more like…
With the collection on then its a quick run up to Seaforth to drop the box. I decide on calling in at our yard for my 45minute break and can make sure the notes are in order seeing as I’ve heard horrible stories about them keeping our notes. A call to the boss and I’m booked in on their VNN system.
I drop in and for some reason I decide on calling our planner and make sure it is still set for dropping off today. Turns out it doesn’t need to be there until the next day especially as they have nothing planned for me. So decide on leaving it in the yard for the night and run it up the next day (booooo 
there goes my night out money!)
Now a lot of people moaning about their boss being on their backs etc, I only had two phone calls that week off mine. One was to tell me I had got the VNN booked for Seaforth and the other was whilst I was there to explain how they work up there. That is all the contact I had that week with him…top top man! 
As it turned out I was to drop the box off at Seaforth and then run across country empty back to Immingham for my next load. There was a little swearing and a whole load of abuse which came my way during that run…not because I messed up, not because I went the wrong way, rather because I passed one of our guys and left him standing 
It is a quick box on and back to Middleton, Manchester for the night. I was booked in for an 08:30 tip, so decide on being cheeky and take a walk down to the security office to make sure I’m able to park on the road. The result of the natter is I’m ok to park where I am and I can get in at 06:10 instead of the 08:30 that I was originally booked in at. Now needless to say I was blooming hungry at this point so managed to find a local pub that served food, and spent a while in beautiful surroundings relaxing and having a natter with the local…swans!
Seeing as I had managed to clock off early then I need to not worry about traffic…in the whole of the 50meters I have to travel from where I’ve parked to the bay. Gotta love these days eh?
I get in and get given this form by security…
You can only think that George W Bush is working form them, and it is one of his ideas of world peace. Safe environment? Safest would be if it wasn’t a self tip!!
Seeing as I managed to get in early then it is somewhat of a long self tip to allow my planner time to get in and sort something out for the afternoon. Turns out I’m to run back to Immingham when he where he will find me something…got ¾ of the where there to receive a phone call of him which results in me dropping the box at the docks and then drop the trailer of at a local transport firm (they are on the same contract as us so its all good) and then run back down to the yard and that is me done for the week.
This week see’s me having an early start to allow me to get to Buxton. So it is back to pick up my trailer, then down to the docks to get the box on…oh and join the queues that never seem ending. By the end of it all, its takes over an hour to get my box on. Would hate to think what it would have taken if I needed to have a box off!
Now as I say I’m off to Buxton to see the men in red…Norbert Dingle Dangles!
Now for those that have been there before, you will know it is a nice little quaint place, with just enough space between two wagons side by side. Ah you gotta love Mondays eh?
Anyway with I manage to get allocated a bay. Now the picture below will show my truck on a bay on a downward slope. So it came as a surprise when the little board gets put up in front of me and I’m told to exist the cab, lock it and I’m not allowed to sit in. This is to stop people moving away in it, because we all know when the trailer is point downhill it’s easy to move away when you don’t have the keys!!
Al Murray The Pub Landlord:
And where would we be without rules, eh? That’s right, France. And where would we be with too many rules? Germany
Well obviously the Germans must have invaded France without the rest of the world knowing
However…
Al Murray The Pub Landlord:
We shouldn’t insult the French of course, because they’re not here to defend themselves. And we know how good they are at that!
The drivers facilities were across the other side of the building and with to keep in with the stereo-type of container drivers I decide on taking in the views. To be honest though it was the better option as it allows me to decide on the long distance walk I was on about in the previous thread (more about that later…probably!)
A quick reload outta Sheffield and on my way back to the docks…to lose more time once again!
I join the queue once again and I’m sat behind this on the trailer of the truck in front…
Personally I buy into Darwin’s Theory. If you can’t see that the container/trailer is above your head then you really are bottom of the evolution pool!!
I manage to get down to the free truck park down the road and get an early night in watching DVD’s and self cook for once.
Tuesday is a very hard day I’m off from Immingham down to Birmingham for a tip. All goes well and arrive slightly early than my booking time. So it should have come as no surprise when I’m told to park it in the corner and they will be with me shortly. Shortly of course turns into an hour long wait so off into the bunk I go. Eventually I get a knock on the door with the usual ‘Bay 2 Drive’.
I’m finally tipped bang on 3:01hrs and I’m off for my reload in Worksop. Shame I’m starting out an hour later than what I should have been but alas cannot help how long it takes to get unloaded. So I get there with the usual banter but it is all tongue in cheek and thankfully they are a good bunch. Get it back onto the ramp (first time having done so woohoo) and I’m quickly loaded. Thankfully I’m allowed to sit in my cab but have to hang up my keys. Now why is it when you have a 45ft box on they send you down to the smallest collection/delivery points?
Manage to get back out on the weighbridge and I’m away.
Manage to make the docks and have the stooooooopid idea that if I can get my box on that night it would mean a lie in next morning. So off I go to the gate in, with my little post it note, get the box I’m bringing back sorted out and then they try to get the box on registered. Slight problem thou the release number I’ve been given is wrong so a quick call to my planner gets me another one…again wrong. By the time we find out its wrong my office is now shut so off I go and get the box off. Pull up back outside and phone an out of hours number. Get another number and spin it around and back in I go, and find…yep you probably guessed it…WRONG!! Apparently its soooo wrong it is like another time zone. In and out (by now I’m feeling like I’m doing the hokey pokey) and once again I’m on the phone and I’m told to sit tight, he will get back to me in a couple of minutes. Yep if you are on the ball you will have already guessed it, so an hour later I pull up down the road and into a quiet little industrial estate.
Sods’ law was always going to stipulate that when I pulled the card the out of hour’s number would get back to me with the new release number…Grrrrrr!!
Anyway manage to get the box on for the next morning and it’s a nice simple day…to start with.
Quickly short the skelly to get the 40’ position and its away for two in Worksop, a drop and collection.
All goes well, until the dreaded text signal comes in…Romsey for 08:00 next morning!! Where the heck is Romsey? A quick check of the sat nav and map and I’m looking at…
Well unless there is a button on the dash for a flux capacitor then I’m gonna be struggling to get there for 08:00, considering I haven’t even done my collection yet. A quick phone call to the planner and its a case of crack on.
I manage to get my collection done, back to Immingham for the boxes to be swapped and its away down south for the night. Have a natter with one of our drivers and an ex drive, the end result being to drop into Abingdon for the night (stooooopid fool didn’t tell me I had to pay! 
)
I then decide to crack on next morning, nice and early. Check the map before leaving and have a great run into the drop, or at least I think so. Everything goes well until I get some 0.15miles away to come across a low bridge (not mentioned on the map!) Its going to be a long day!!
So a quick phone call to the company I’m delivering to gets a…’you have come the wrong way!’
‘Well yeah I know that now(!)’
Apparently they have told the shipping company to alert the drivers to this issue, however we don’t always get told things like this. It at this point that I had to bite my lip, as a local resident came out to enquire if I was going to be there long…so nearly came out with ‘Well I figure it was a nice area for a 11hr rest!’ Thankfully there was a kind bloke who stopped the traffic behind me allowing me to back up and turn around.
It had been 3 weeks and that was my first error. Kept my cool and worked out where I had gone wrong and the best route out it.
In my defence it ones of those roads were you turn into it and then further down there is then signs to indicate a low bridge. Plus there is signs for the industrial estate (with the lorry picture) that leads you straight under the low bridge.
End up coming back the way I went in, and added another 15miles on to my journey ARGH!!!
However I must admit they are on the ball down here…these little signs light up and tell you if your over height or over weight…at least I think it was for the truck
Finally get to the drop (correct way in as well) and I’m told to park it outside the factory doors where they will be able to unload me soon. Park up like a good boy, open the doors and lower the suspension and retire back to my cab.
After some 30mins and no action I decide on retiring further to the bunk.
When I come around (02:15hrs later) I’m greeted by the phone ringing to see how they are getting on. A quick check and they have removed the high total of two pallets. This is going to be a long day then. Hop back in the wagon and I then see the long lost relation of the Staffordshire bloke (previous diary)…
I was going to have the same discussion with him but he beat me to the punch with the strangest laugh ever heard…am I that funny looking after a mid-day nap? Actually people don’t answer that!
All of a sudden there is a mad hive of activity and in the next 30mins the 45ft is unloaded. So by the times the paper work is sorted, doors closed I’m looking at 02:55hrs on break…might as well wait another 10mins and have a split rest.
I’m then off to Gosport for a recycling gig. Thankfully the other drivers have been there previously so get the advice from them about the best way in. Drive in thru the gates, swing it around on to the weighbridge, then back it up into the corner on the ramp.
Oh your also given a drivers pass (think its encase you forget your role 
) Apparently I’m British…think next time I might go in muttering in Welsh and see what they write instead
I pull forward and back on to the weight bridge and get checked once again…
Come out into Gosport centre and lose a further 5 minutes whilst I’m held to ransom by a wandering swan walking across the road. Doesn’t he know I’m in a hurry(!)
I’m now looking at a nice run up, however even with the mess up on the run in I’m gonna struggle to make the docks and get the box off tonight.
You have to love the days of long distance…well those further than the usual 12miles shunting I was doing on agency a few weeks back. (In other news it settles the debate on the walk as well)
Not to worry thou as it was planned to be swapped on Friday for a 14:30 Stoke later that day.
So decide on my usual spot in Burton for the night and make Morrisons for a couple of provisions before the end of the week.
Manage to settle down and get into Band of Brothers box set (simple the best mini-series ever!) and then get my head down for the night. Early doors next morning it’s off to fuel up where I get called a weirdo. In my defence it was warm when I got my head down and by the morning the temp had dropped. So whilst the fuel going in, I was singing and dancing on the forecourt…anything to get warm eh! An uneventful run up to the docks and get the boxes swapped. All week I had spent over an hour sat in queues and waiting to get boxes swapped…today I was in and out in 15minutes. Now with it only being a single hit day I decide on being cheeky and get to Stoke a bit earlier than my booking in time. Pull into their yard and its off into the ‘Goods In.’
Hand over my notes and I get some strange noises in return…and they continue…and continue.
‘Well Drive, we have a slight problem. We aren’t expecting any more containers today and I don’t know if we have a bay for you…suppose we could leave you until 22:00’
(Personally looking back at the above picture…me thinks there is more than enough empty bays)
So once again, like the theme of the week, I retire back to my cab. Eventually they come out and tell me to put it on bay 36, so off I tootle. Find the right bay and there is already a trailer on…back to goods in and I’m told to put it on bay 35…trailer already on it. So decide it best to go back and put it on the nearest available bay and tell them which one afterwards.
Eventually I’m tipped and I’m off to re-fuel and run back into the yard and park up for the week!
Oh how I want a big boys cab
So what has the title gotta do with this diary…its simple really. Ask your best friend to go into a iron mongers and ask for a long weight…yes very childish(very funny mind).
I’m now off to find a scythe for the week long beard that has magically appeared on my beautiful face. Oh and price up some things…more to be revealed later.
i just leave it stretched right out no matter wether its a 40 or 45