What will you be giving your loved one on the special day . Mine said her dream would be something that went from 0-60 in six seconds, so just nipping out for some bathroom scales .
My wife said she wanted a coat made of an animal skin…so I bought her a donkey jacket.
I’ve bought my gf a lovely belt and bag combo… The Hoover works a treat now! 
I’ll get my coat.
I remember last year.
I was talking to the missus and she said " 2 off the girls In the office have received Valentine flowers" " They are gorgeous"
I said “That’s probably why they got them then” 
A new bumper for a Toyota Auris to replace the one she broke.
Told her I have booked a table for us at 8pm tomorow, hopes she likes a game of snooker.
Got mine some roses and a vase - I overheard her telling her mate that if I gave her roses she’d probably end up on her back with her legs in the air 
gardun:
Got mine some roses and a vase - I overheard her telling her mate that if I gave her roses she’d probably end up on her back with her legs in the air
I think the roses would look better in a vase . 
Cheers , Anon
Valentines poems:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss.
But I only slept with you, because I was ■■■■■■■
I thought that I could love no other.
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace.
But don’t take that paper bag off of your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
■■■■, I’m good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “go to hell”.
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
cattle wagon man:
gardun:
Got mine some roses and a vase - I overheard her telling her mate that if I gave her roses she’d probably end up on her back with her legs in the airI think the roses would look better in a vase .
Cheers , Anon
Whoosh!
cattle wagon man:
gardun:
Got mine some roses and a vase - I overheard her telling her mate that if I gave her roses she’d probably end up on her back with her legs in the airI think the roses would look better in a vase .
Cheers , Anon
Beat me to it ! A great old gag !! 
roses are red
violets are twisted
bend over girl
your about to get fisted !
try getting that on a moonpig card !
Latique:
roses are redviolets are twisted
bend over girl
your about to get fisted !
try getting that on a moonpig card !
put it this way IT FITS 
gardun:
Got mine some roses and a vase - I overheard her telling her mate that if I gave her roses she’d probably end up on her back with her legs in the air
Latique:
roses are redviolets are twisted
bend over girl
your about to get fisted !
try getting that on a moonpig card !
pmsl
Mines getting a tub of masonry paint cause I’ve just been painting the garage and I’ve run out with one half of the wall to go. I’m not a complete tight ■■■■ though ill stick a bow on it for her .
Double sausage and chips AND extra crispies from Botesdale chip shop. Romance lives on - she paid. Result. Jim
jmc jnr:
Double sausage and chips AND extra crispies from Botesdale chip shop. Romance lives on - she paid. Result. Jim
You got a keeper there dont ever let her go .
I am in the dog kennel tonight.Literaly in the dogs house.
I forgot to take the price of the garage flowers.
It said £4.99 Esso on offer.
She said that was cheap,i replied how did you know?
She gave the home made lasagna to the dog.
My missus asked for an Ipod or Iphone or something similar…so I bought her an Iron