Welcome to Britain in 2025 where Keir Starmer’s government has reached the staggering conclusion that the best way to solve the Channel migrant crisis is to simply bribe landlords with taxpayer money.
Five-year rent guarantees for illegal arrivals while British families gaze wistfully through estate agent windows like Dickensian orphans with their noses pressed against the glass.
Yes, while your average British worker scrapes together a deposit the size of a small country’s GDP just to afford a one-bedroom flat with damp problems and a view of a wheelie bin, Labour is throwing public cash at landlords faster than you can say virtue signalling.
No house for you unless you happen to have crossed the Channel in a rubber dinghy armed with a sob story and a lawyer.
Starmer’s bold new plan to house the world at our expense is truly inspirational. Not content with ignoring voters on borders, they have now decided to ignore them on housing too.
It is a national disgrace only a Labour government could dress up as a “humanitarian solution” while British families sit on waiting lists longer than the queues outside Greggs on a Monday morning.
Labour politicians, of course, live in magical parts of the country where none of this matters. Safe neighbourhoods, leafy streets, lovely big houses, far away from the ‘temporary accommodation’ being so generously gifted to newcomers. It is all very easy to tell the nation to show compassion when it is not your kid sleeping three to a room or your nan waiting ten years for a council flat.
What better message could there be to send around the globe? Britain is open for business. Skip the queues, smash a border or two, claim your free house for half a decade and perhaps a local MP will even turn up with a welcome hamper.
Meanwhile, taxpayers foot the bill, local services collapse, and anyone who dares mention it is promptly labelled a bigot by the very people who would not dream of sharing a postcode with the consequences.
Labour once claimed to stand for the working class. Now they stand for anyone but them. Starmer and his band of professional apologisers have achieved the impossible by making a housing crisis worse while wearing self-righteous smiles so wide you could park a Channel ferry in them.
The British people have been told they must wait and sacrifice and pay more and expect less. Migrants, however, get the red carpet treatment, a golden ticket and a lease agreement more secure than most marriages.
This is not a government. It is an insult wrapped in a lecture delivered by people who think patriotism is a dirty word and common sense is something to be sneered at. Britain deserves better than this circus of fools.
, (AND with a straight serious face 
