Anyone know any?
Loading steel on a site today, and was told when using the waricks (sp) to tie the stuff down, not stand on the bed, but to ‘lean-in’ off my ladder!! 
In doing this, I would make my ladder top heavy, therefore the legs would slip away and I would fall onto the bed! 
(picture it?)
Site manager says I bet you would sue if you fell off truck?
NO, I would sue if I feel off ladder doing it the way you want me to do it from the ladder! 
Sometimes I find H&S goes just too far.
A conversation I had with a boss of mine at a coach firm I worked at years ago springs to mind. I was washing my “office” off at the time and he noticed a bit of brake dust in the water as I cleaned the front wheel. It was summer and I’d only washed the flies off the front for a few days so I guess the dust had built up a bt.
Boss: “You’re using those brakes wrong, too much and too hard, you’re costing me money”
Me: “Shall I stop using them then? See how much money that saves shall we?”
It went down like a ■■■■ in an astronought suit.
Goldfinger:
Anyone know any?Loading steel on a site today, and was told when using the waricks (sp) to tie the stuff down, not stand on the bed, but to ‘lean-in’ off my ladder!!
In doing this, I would make my ladder top heavy, therefore the legs would slip away and I would fall onto the bed!
(picture it?)Site manager says I bet you would sue if you fell off truck?
NO, I would sue if I feel off ladder doing it the way you want me to do it from the ladder!
Sometimes I find H&S goes just too far.
Loading steel out of the rod mill in Scunthorpe they now have attack patrols, a bunch of brightly dressed plebs who prevent you standing on your trailer while still expecting you to place chocks and cardboard packing between the load, even to strip or strap a trailer you have to use a metal frame with guardrails. I don’t miss the place.
I was told by an old ■■■■ in a drivers room that he’d reversed further than I’d driven, I just answered “Yeah I’ve had days like that as well”.
schrodingers cat:
I was told by an old ■■■■ in a drivers room that he’d reversed further than I’d driven, I just answered “Yeah I’ve had days like that as well”.
schrodingers cat:
I was told by an old ■■■■ in a drivers room that he’d reversed further than I’d driven, I just answered “Yeah I’ve had days like that as well”.
Another good one is 'Don’t worry you’ll get the hang of it one day"
I find it funny when you reverse on a bay with the doors closed and then they say…hey drive, can you come in the warehouse and give us a hand, we’re struggling to get the doors open…run round to help and they’re all grinning at you !! 
I’m not the tallest bloke in the world…
Jumped out of my truck at a tip one day, and a fella in the yard pipes up: “That’s a big truck for a little man”
Quick as a flash, without even thinking, I replied: “And that’s a big gob for a little mind.”
He didn’t know what to say…
If someone calls me fat…“Yeah? Well I can still fit in your gob!”
Olly650:
I’m not the tallest bloke in the world…Jumped out of my truck at a tip one day, and a fella in the yard pipes up: “That’s a big truck for a little man”
Quick as a flash, without even thinking, I replied: “And that’s a big gob for a little mind.”
He didn’t know what to say…
Tesco RDC Brackmills:" You should have been here 2 hours ago drive"
Me: “Why, what happened?”
My usual response when getting attitude from a hi viz Hitler in a gate house “I couldn’t be bothered to be such an ■■■■ jobs worth on your ■■■■ poor wages”
bigvern1:
If someone calls me fat…“Yeah? Well I can still fit in your gob!”
My boss said “bloody hell you’ve piled some weight on”
I said “that’s coz every time I shag your wife she gives me a biscuit” 
To sad little security men (like the waste of space at Coca Cola East Kilbride): They only employ you here 'cause your cheaper than a padlock.
About 4 years ago I was double manning on a day trunk , all I heard of this other guy was how much ■■■ he got every night. One day he was telling me he was at it for four hours non stop , so I said to him , you must be doing it wrong , it only takes me 5 minutes . He never bragged about it again .
redbob:
bigvern1:
If someone calls me fat…“Yeah? Well I can still fit in your gob!”My boss said “bloody hell you’ve piled some weight on”
I said “that’s coz every time I shag your wife she gives me a biscuit”
Brilliant!
“How come your so ugly with only the one head”
schrodingers cat:
I was told by an old ■■■■ in a drivers room that he’d reversed further than I’d driven, I just answered “Yeah I’ve had days like that as well”.
Not truck related but last year I was at a horse race meeting and the owner of Ryanair was on the podium accepting an award as his horse had just won the race anyway from the crowd the shout comes … “i hope you charged him a tenner to weigh the [zb] jockey”
Everyone was helpless laughing including the compare. The Ryanair bloke was furious!
In the town centre with the wife, she was approached by one of them no-win no-fee type claims ■■■■■■
“Can you spare 5 mins for a quick survey?”
“Not really”
“You could get compensation upto £50k, what have you got to lose?”
“My dignity”.
The parasite ambulance chaser didn’t know what to say