Just had a text from my Mrs who is currently in Cyprus on holiday. This made me think. Daft things your Mrs/ OH has said
Here’s the text
I’m sat in the bar looking out at the moon. It’s a beautiful full moon. Is your moon full too? ■■
Where is the North Pole?
Years ago when your passport still listed your occupation, my then g/f asked me out of the blue how terrorists managed to get into the country? I asked what she meant to which she replied “well, it’ll say terrorist on their passport, so all they have to do is then arrest them!”
Bless her, blonde, thick as pig ■■■ but banged like a rattlesnake! 
Tipper Tom:
I’m sat in the bar looking out at the moon. It’s a beautiful full moon. Is your moon full too? ■■
Sounds like she’s been sat there all afternoon.
Took her with me one Friday, was Peterlee bound heading north on A19 and she said , " oh I was on this road last Friday on the coach to Wigan " 
Were from Hull I did laugh . Bless em
We was going to Chester Zoo earlier this year and our lass said to me, “They’ve even got dinosaurs there!” I looked at her gone out and she showed me the leaflet with a section of the zoo put aside for a display of model dinosaurs 
bless her, I think I broke her heart when I explained they had been extinct god knows how many billion years! 
love it!!
A few years ago when it said press the red button to watch a certain programme on the telly she went up and actually pressed the red button on the corner of the screen.
A conversation I had a little while back;
“Fancy going out Saturday, it’s my mate and his sister’s birthday?”
“A brother and sister with the same birthday? Wow, that’s incredible, the odds on that happening must be huge!”"
“Not that incredible, they’re twins”.
“Oh…are they identical?”
“What, apart from one being male and the other female you mean?”
Mine came to germany with me once,the motorway exits signs say ausfarht ,she says to me “that must be a big town” 
took beloved for a visit to flatford mill the scene of constables most famous painting.we stood at the correct spot looking at the ancient willow tree and willy lots cottage just as the great man had himself had…“Whats all the fuss with this mankey old pond then ?” she asked 
All of those are priceless, pmsl 
Mrs - ‘Ring my phone i cant find it’
Me - Rings phone…finds it …puts phone down
Mrs - ‘Oh i’ve got 1 missed call’
i wonder sometimes… 
I took my girl with me the other day. Passed a truck who flashed me in. I did the indicator wiggle and she said in an indignant tone. “Why didn’t you just flash your lights like he did you show off”
I replied “I’m sorry give us that again” then explained that when you flash your lights tail lights don’t flash
Some crackers on here
So, sat at home 1 day and was setting up our internet banking.
I told her she had to have a password that was between 6 and 15 charecters long.
she then sat there deep in thought for a good few minutes, in which time, myself and my stepson just waited in anticipation, as the mrs is a proper essex girl.
eventually she pipes up, " ok, I’ve got it…snow white, scooby doo, snoopy, shrek"
By the time she was uttering shrek, myself and my stepson were on the floor with tears streaming down our faces, whilst she just looked on blankly
I’m thinking…this thread says a lot about the type of person truck drivers end up with…
Some cracking comments here though!
at a birthday party at a restaurant my mum was asked by the waiter what she wanted to drink and she went to say a Lager Shandy but she actually said…" I will have a Lager Shagger !! " …the waiters face was priceless
A neighbour of mine used to be a driver for Safeway. It was a lovely sunny summer day and we were all sitting outside having a few drinks. Jamie says that he’ll need to go easy on the beer because he had work in the morning. Everyone accepted this, except his wife. She says to him ‘just have a few more beers and get a taxi to your work in the morning’. She was being deadly serious and couldn’t see what was wrong with what she said until we pointed it out to her. :D:D
Truckulent:
I’m thinking…this thread says a lot about the type of person truck drivers end up with…Some cracking comments here though!
Definitely
my old man was a truck driver and my mum is a hairdresser… I never stood a chance.
My now ex good lady once caught me smoking and chewing gum at the same time, to which she told me this was illegal. I gave her a panic look as if I was facing a life sentence for such a terrible deed…
Turns out she meant doing this was bad for you!