Our Mental Health

[switchlogic]

Ummm’d and ahhhhh’d about posting this on here, posted on my social media two days ago but here we are-

I never expected to talk about this online but after I did yesterday I got lots of nice comments from people who said it helped a little, so despite the fact it’s not an area of my life I much like talking about I will, because I’m good like that……

Picture is probably the last picture of me before the accident*. I’d been suffering huge medical issues with my stomach and digestive system that despite causing mind melting levels of pain I wasn’t taking seriously because I’m an idiot. It caused my already fragile mental health to completely disintegrate, you can see it in the picture, the face of a broken man who was well on his way to losing half his body weight and ending up under 7st.

Archie in the picture knew something was wrong as at this time and ever since whenever I see him he clings to me. In picture he was giving me one of his regular hugs, he’d just come over and climb onto my chest and lay down. Means even more as he’s very particular about who he likes is Archie!

This all has even more importance in the light of the news of drivers recently who’ve taken their own lives. Spending your life alone as we do makes it easy to hide. It’s great to see all the positive action from people concerned about this with ‘it’s good to talk’ or ‘it gets better’ etc becoming catchphrases and they are undoubtedly true, but I’m approaching this from a different angle. You can say these things to someone trapped in their own mind until you are blue in the face….they won’t listen. I didn’t listen. People trapped in depression simply don’t, as they see it, want to burden others with their problems. Sometimes, tho thankfully getting rarer people talk of suicide as ‘selfish’…….it isn’t and saying that is incredibly unhelpful. Fact is its the polar opposite for many who think their loved ones are better off without them and their troubles, a human brain in a pit of despair doesn’t do logic. It’s the ultimate selfless act, however misguided.

It won’t be pleasant but if you are seriously worried about someone don’t let go, don’t be fobbed off easily, keep pushing, make it very clear you know something is up and you are worried. If you think Suicide is a possibility don’t mention it outright but do make it clear how important they are to yours and many others lives, the impact they have. Keep reminding them. This is a good tactic for living in general.

When I crashed I was a bag of bones and mentally on the floor. Many medical people are amazed I survived an accident that would have killed many healthy people, let alone a wreck like me. They sorted out all my medical issues, I had no choice i was in a come for 3 weeks then couldn’t walk for 3 months so couldn’t escape! So yeah, I’ve no idea how or why I’m still here, but I’m really ■■■■■■■ glad I am. One thing that got me through was this amazing online community of ours. It’s cool to slam social media but I’d be lost without it, the support was incredible so thank you. I didn’t realise it was there till the ■■■■ hit the fan. I wasn’t suicidal but I was well on the road to it.

Even little messages, like good morning etc can help. It’s so easy to check in with people these days, so it’s easy to let people know they’re not alone. I’ve become even closer to my already close friends and family. My first message every morning is a good morning to Mum and I’ve gone back to saying I love you at the end of our calls. Never leave anyone in any doubt about how much you love them, ever. There’s only one thing you can’t come back from- death.

So anyway that’s my two €. Have a great day all.

And of course my email is always open to anyone anytime, everything strictly confidential and you can be anonymous if you wish, I don’t need to know who you are. luke@lorry-driver.com

This post on Facebook Luke www.lorry-driver.com

The previous post I mention at the start Luke www.lorry-driver.com

*For those unaware nearly 3 years ago I nearly died in a car accident

[franglais]

Good post Luke.

Doubtless there will be some silly replies, but having “ummmd and ahhhd” you`ll be prepared for that nonsense.

[conor]

Best thing I ever did both for mental and physical health was move to a 4 day week, taking a day off mid-week - still banging in what the rest of the country considers full time hours though but nothing like the mental hours the job normally comes with. It does mean agency with the downsides in regards to guarantees of work but I’ve got finances in a place where that’s not a problem although I do recognise it will be for some.

After having an emergency spinal op 3 years ago I also re-evaluated how I look after myself and work. Having a knackered for rest of life back I no longer push it like I used to and take more time off when it gets to a certain point.

Too many people in this job either feel they have no choice or think they’re some kind of hero going to work in a state where nobody else would, I’ve even seen drivers with quite bad COPD barely able to get enough breath to get out their lorry still banging in 12hr nights. Some of my family work in the public sector and they’ll take time off for stuff we’d treat as trivial but they’re in a lot better place for doing so. One thing that is lacking in haulage is decent sick pay, very few firms have it and those that do tend to be ones that don’t make their money from haulage but run their own fleet.

Mentally wise this job is the worst if there are any problems in your life. You get hours and hours a day sat behind the wheel where it can sit there in your mind festering which makes even the most trivial of things ten times worse. Even worse if you’re tramping.

[narc]

Franglais:
Good post Luke.

Doubtless there will be some silly replies, but having “ummmd and ahhhd” you`ll be prepared for that nonsense.

Silly reply number one ^, looking for the negatives already lad. Have a word with yourself ffs!!

Sorry ^ But this is becoming so boring,self righteous bores and their constant holier than thou ■■■■■■ Here I reacted that’s what you wanted the great arguer Franglais YAAAAWNNNNN…

Luke keep strong pal, many people have mind faults most are too scared to mention it.

That is what my therapist says !!!

[juddian]

Won’t go into the details but i’ve been touched too closely by what you speak of Luke, when you’re in that frame of mind you arn’t thinking logically or clearly but if you go through with it those left behind never ever recover they are devasted beyond comprehension, i can still be reduced to a snivelling wreck when something reminds me of the circumstances, the person concerned passed on over 20 years ago.

The signs aren’t always there especially in these separate lives so many of us now live, but what i’ve learned over the years is to always tell those you love and care about that you love and care about them, i know it will be thought of as silly by many but i never go a day without declaring my love and affection for my wife, and anyone with a partner wife lover children parents siblings whatever should do the same, try never to part on bad terms if you can help it, it just might be the last time you ever see that person alive or in the condition you expect.

Yes people get annoyed when those contemplating ending their lives cause roads to be shut when they’re on bridges, but spare a thought, until you walk in that poor bugger’s shoes you have no idea what pressures and hurt has driven them to this place, where they can see no point in going on.

Even the Catholic Church now recognises that those who take their own lives are not the sinners that they were once thought of in harder times, they realise that those desperate enough to end it all are not ultimate sinners at all but simply people who couldn’t go on.

People can be bloody horrible, nasty vindictive calculating bullying and yes evil yet appear sweet to others outside the space where it’s happening this is usually in relationships, other instances are more obvious and should have been dealt with soonest, i still recall that poor woman and her disabled daughter who suffered never ending abuse from low life thugs often outside their own home, she ended up taking both of their lives because the authorities as they so often do proved utterly bloody useless and failed to protect them, tragic doesn’t cover this injustice adequately, but violence and bullying of people goes on all over this world, all we can do is examine our own behaviours and make sure we never even inadvertantly cause hurt, because small hurts add up to become big ones.

I don’t think there will be any detractors at all, most of us with an ounce of compassion to our name will be remembering our own low points in our lives and thinking along the lines of there but for the grace of God go i.

Keep well Luke.
And keep well anyone else who’s been at the bottom or heading there, i’ve been there too its awful, but there is light at the end of that dark tunnel if you keep looking.

[m_a_n_rules]

well luke i’m a man of few words but thankfully we’ve got juddian, preety much sums it up mate…

i wish you all the best and take one day at a time,also step outside every morning and take some deep breaths and realise how wonderful life really is…

[msgyorkie]

My company is very hot on Mental Health. We have Mental Health Champions, people who are willing to sit down and talk about how you are feeling. I was showing signs of stress and after a particular incident I opted to have a chat with a mental health champion. Best thing I ever done as that progressed further with my company who altered my work load to ensure my working day is as healthy as can be. My working week very rarely goes over 45 hours now and I feel so much happier.
Its a macho work environment that is slowly but surley changing for the better, it just takes more of us to open up about of worries.

[robroy]

Although in general I ain’t the most compassionate or touchy feely type of guy, (I would never qualify for the Samaritans ) but I do feel sympathy for those who find themselves at rock bottom, but it is how you deal with it that determines your future.

Firstly Luke,.sorry to hear how you were,. and I’m pleased for you that you are getting back on track mate.
When things turn to crap for me I always try and be optimistic in a ‘Things can ONLY get better’ type of way,.but not everyone is made like that and I get it.
(I wasn’t going to contribute to this thread, in case I came across as being a bit crass…but I’m trying here. )

My wake up call after a life of just taking serious stuff casually and ducking and diving ,.was in the 80s when the business was turning to crap and consequently so was my life.
My low point was finding myself sat in a foetal position in a corner with my head in my hands after answering numerous nasty calls from creditors,.and then aftrrwards letting 3 phones just constantly ring and sounding to me like 3x the volume screaming in my head.
I came to my senses saying ‘‘wtf are you doing Rob,’’ don’t let these ■■■■ s do this to you,…and unplugged the ■■■■ things.
I also had a wife and 2 kids looking at me (and to me) to sort out the problem of us no longer having a home,.so I HAD to sort myself for them.

Never ever contemplated the other way out,.and I never would, but around that time in a major recession with failing businesses I had heard of one or two that did,.I’m just pleased I had the type of character to deal with it, and luckily things did turn out ok in the end.
That is my story on all this stuff anyway.

[trevhcs]

msgyorkie:
My company is very hot on Mental Health.

That can be one of the factors which can either make or break people wanting to seek help. My last company were certainly hot on it, just unfortunately in the wrong direction resulting in someone senior saying “people with head problems are a nuisance” as an excuse for trying to get rid of me after I was very open with them.

Am so glad I got away from 15 hour days as the money doesn’t equate to the mental damage it can do with lack of sleep. That I found was a massive factor, regular sleep and not working nights which lets face it, your body never gets used to. But got way too close to what you are talking about Luke although it’d been there a lot longer in the background.

I also wonder if there’s a concern that the moment you go to your GP about feeling low, they’ll contact DVLA and take your licence and thus livelihood off you. I know people who’ve attempted suicide and are still driving albeit on meds. Doesn’t seem to automatically cause issues and you don’t automatically get sectioned. Better to catch it before people do.

Glad you in the mend even if it was via a very painful route.

[yorkshire_tramper]

The old addage of a british stiff upper lip and get on with it is my experience and one that I was expected to follow and did for many years. It eats you up inside and makes things worse by following the good old fashioned British way.
You never know how someone may be suffering inside of their closed doors and how badly they take things to the point of despair and suicide is the only option that they can see as a way out.
The problem has been and always will be a feeling of weakness by letting others know how we are really feeling. Hence if you ask anyone how they are, they will usually say fine thank you, then the very next day could commit suicide and no one would have ever even been aware of their struggles and problems.
Opening up to others is difficult as you are telling people who do not understand and are not capable of dealing with mental illness issues, it makes you look like you are somehow odd or not quite all there. This quite simply isn’t the case in most peoples mental illness issues.

[alamcculloch]

You hear about agricultural workers topping themselves from time to time. Like drivers they are alone and work very long days. When I drive I try to be positive with the people at drops but most of them are thoroughly miserable , what is that all about. Stress is a major killer and its goo/right that some one on here wants to address the issue.

[harry_monk]

I get by by rejecting the values of mainstream society and living a very simple off-grid life. I’ve got very little money but I do not have one single penny of debt, and what you don’t owe can’t keep you awake at night. I work for a few months then I pack it in and do nothing all Summer or whenever the money runs low. People often say that they envy my lifestyle and I smile benignly but always think “Well, there’s nothing stopping you from doing it”.

So there’s your answer Luke. Go buy a narrowboat.

[sploom]

I think ,one idea on mental health is avoiding negative people if you can.
The ones who say things ever so subtle,but you know its negative.Thats one lesson I have learnt and I think its very damaging,much more than we probably realise.

[erf-ngc-european]

Good post Luke. Surviving the accident and pushing on through the subsequent struggle appears to me to be a powerful affirmation that you want to live; and a strong signal that you are determined to achieve this. Sharing this stuff enables those around you to see you push through those invisible boundaries. Travel well. Travel strong old mate.

Ro

[switchlogic]

Thanks for comments everyone

Harry Monk:
I get by by rejecting the values of mainstream society and living a very simple off-grid life. I’ve got very little money but I do not have one single penny of debt, and what you don’t owe can’t keep you awake at night. I work for a few months then I pack it in and do nothing all Summer or whenever the money runs low. People often say that they envy my lifestyle and I smile benignly but always think “Well, there’s nothing stopping you from doing it”.

So there’s your answer Luke. Go buy a narrowboat.

To be fair my over a decade living full time in a lorry was best time of my life. I’ve never had any interest in money or possessions and I’m up to my eyeballs in debt but it doesn’t keep me awake as simply they can’t have what doesnt exist. I’m collecting County Court Judgements at this stage and I just don’t care!

[the_maoster]

Luke they can’t shoot you and they can’t get you pregnant. Why worry?

I figured in my early twenties that stress is probably one of the biggest killers. I can’t do anything about accidental death or diseases such as cancer, what I can do is refuse to submit to stress. The late Bruce Lee once said “be water” and I understood it straight away; water doesn’t fight the flow, it simply goes with it. Accept the things you can’t change in life and have the strength to change the things you can.

[robroy]

Meant to say earlier Luke…
That beard does nothing for you, get it trimmed and shaped man ffs.

[zac_a]

I don’t know if this is helpful to people or not, but there is a dedicated drivers FB mental-health help group
facebook.com/groups/1526652 … &ref=notif

Personally I feel that too much time on the internet is at least part of the problem with mental health (just ask Molly Russel’s father about that!) so for face-to-face help there is also at least one network (there may be others) of mens support groups dotted around the country, I’ve no idea what these are like but it can’t be a bad thing
andysmanclub.co.uk/

[robroy]

Zac_A:
I don’t know if this is helpful to people or not, but there is a dedicated drivers FB mental-health help group
facebook.com/groups/1526652 … &ref=notif

Personally I feel that too much time on the internet is at least part of the problem with mental health (just ask Molly Russel’s father about that!) so for face-to-face help there is also at least one network (there may be others) of mens support groups dotted around the country, I’ve no idea what these are like but it can’t be a bad thing
andysmanclub.co.uk/

I never bother with Facebook, but my Mrs and 2 girls are all on it.
They sometimes show me stuff on there,.and from what I have seen it causes a hell of a lot of problems to people’s lives,.and not to mention marriages and relationships
I read stuff and you would think that some were writing in their own private diary, some even implicating themselves in illegal activity…,.I think to myself ‘‘Ffs do these clowns not realise that everyone can read this stuff’’

On the other side you get a lot of attention seeking and looking for sympathy on there that I really could not be arsed with.
If people on there are depressed the last thing they need is false pseudo concern and sympathy, it can only make them worse wallowing in it all imo,.what they need instead is help from professionals to prevent the likes of the tragic example you mention concerning that poor little girl.
As for a depressed drivers mental health FB group…I’ve not looked at it, but is it really a good idea?
One for the reason I’ve pointed out,.and two if the wrong, (or right whichever way you look at it) people see it and you end up losing your job.

[switchlogic]

robroy:
Meant to say earlier Luke…
That beard does nothing for you, get it trimmed and shaped man ffs.

The Archie beard is all the rage in West Wales

A more recent hug after a shave