grumpy old man:
Derek was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side.
‘When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was
take off my trousers,’ he said. 'I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on .
When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn’t possibly wear them,
as they were too large… 'I told her, 'of course they’re too big.
I wear the trousers in this family and I always will.
‘Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem.’
Derek took his father’s advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on.
Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn’t possibly wear them.
‘Exactly,’ replied Derek.‘I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will.
I don’t want you to forget that.’
Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Derek.
‘Try these on,’ she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.
‘I can’t possibly get into your knickers,’ said Derek.
‘Exactly,’ replied Jill.
‘And if you don’t change your bloody attitude, you never will.’
I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying, You found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
“It’s me, I haven’t left you, I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here.”
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, Your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care.
I want to re-assure you, that I’m not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said " it’s me."
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It’s possible for me, to be so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty, “I never went away.”
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew…
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over… I smile and watch you yawning
and say “good-night, God bless, I’ll see you in the morning.”
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I’ll rush across to greet you and we’ll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out…then come home to be with me.
Blinking heck, We could all fit into my missuses drawers now - I use her old ones to cover the old Massey, below the Tarp.( the new one ie. 1965 has a shed)…
Oh and Dave can I buy one of that Collies pups, it can fetch our ale. Hope things are better with all you guys. Roll on 2016 Eh! Jim.
jmc jnr:
Blinking heck, We could all fit into my missuses drawers now - I use her old ones to cover the old Massey, below the Tarp.( the new one ie. 1965 has a shed)…
Oh and Dave can I buy one of that Collies pups, it can fetch our ale. Hope things are better with all you guys. Roll on 2016 Eh! Jim.
Still breathing this way Jim, had a few health issues, but will sort them out with pills etc. Hope you are coping with your issues and get well again.
Cheers Dave.
windrush:
Well he didn’t buy dog food at Tescos anyway.
Pete.
Hiya,
That’s why his dog croaked, it was underfed.
thanks harry, long retired.
UNDERFED You can see straight through it.
I must admit that being a bit of a softie it did bring a bit of a tear to my eye.
But then I remembered this.
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get the poor doggie a bone.
But when she bent over Rover took over and gave her a bone of his own.
That always brings a smile to my face but probably not as big as Mrs Hubbards.
You will be fine GOM, just don’t take one of those daft Yorkshire Rose flags on an extending pole that your fellow tyke’s caravanning clientele stick up at every opportunity with you as it could be home before you!
jmc jnr:
Blinking heck, We could all fit into my missuses drawers now - I use her old ones to cover the old Massey, below the Tarp.( the new one ie. 1965 has a shed)…
Oh and Dave can I buy one of that Collies pups, it can fetch our ale. Hope things are better with all you guys. Roll on 2016 Eh! Jim.
Still breathing this way Jim, had a few health issues, but will sort them out with pills etc. Hope you are coping with your issues and get well again.
Cheers Dave.
Hello Dave. Had the “plumbing” re-connected just before Xmas and well on the mend now. Bit of a struggle at first, but happy to be without the bag.
Old age is a dodgy place to be sometimes, but inevitable, so we can only bear up. Thanks for your concern - on the quiet there’s a few of you who have had a worse time of it than me, so I value your good wishes, and believe me , I send them back. Keep taking the tablets and keep them photos coming please. Your good lady is a diamond. Jim.
jmc jnr:
Blinking heck, We could all fit into my missuses drawers now - I use her old ones to cover the old Massey, below the Tarp.( the new one ie. 1965 has a shed)…
Oh and Dave can I buy one of that Collies pups, it can fetch our ale. Hope things are better with all you guys. Roll on 2016 Eh! Jim.
Still breathing this way Jim, had a few health issues, but will sort them out with pills etc. Hope you are coping with your issues and get well again.
Cheers Dave.
Hello Dave. Had the “plumbing” re-connected just before Xmas and well on the mend now. Bit of a struggle at first, but happy to be without the bag.
Old age is a dodgy place to be sometimes, but inevitable, so we can only bear up. Thanks for your concern - on the quiet there’s a few of you who have had a worse time of it than me, so I value your good wishes, and believe me , I send them back. Keep taking the tablets and keep them photos coming please. Your good lady is a diamond. Jim.
I’ve lost all my photo’s at the moment Jim, as photobucket is down. Can’t even see any on the thread, hope they sort it,otherwise I’ve a lot of stuff.
Cheers Dave.
It’s a bit of sad day today to hear that Terry Wogan has passed away. I am sure that there are loads of us on here who can remember doing a six a.m. start and listening to The Togmiester changing over with Ray Moore or Ken Bruce at seven o’clock. Terry’s wit and his choice of music made the next couple of hours flyby, sitting in a traffic jam on the North Circular or somewhere like that made the job much more enjoyable. I remember listening to him in the sixties with my little transistor radio wedged on the dashboard of a Bedford T.K. along with the likes of Jimmy Young and Tony Blackburn on my way to Southampton, I thought that I had the best job in the world and I was getting paid for it.
R.I.P. Tel, we never met but I feel like I have lost a long life friend today.
windrush:
You will be fine GOM, just don’t take one of those daft Yorkshire Rose flags on an extending pole that your fellow tyke’s caravanning clientele stick up at every opportunity with you as it could be home before you!
Pete.
Have a care sir with wild remarks like that Any more and I’ll marshal our wimmin and they’ll march down to Matlock .
i’ll send our friend from stair foot along brian , she’s five foot ten and built like a brick outhouse . she frightens me , so old wind rush wouldn’t stand a chance . being of a yorkshire persuasion though someone would have to pay her bus fare .dave
grumpy old man:
Have a care sir with wild remarks like that Any more and I’ll marshal our wimmin and they’ll march down to Matlock .
Aye send them down Brian, happen when they see how well we treat our women here they will be tempted to stay. A shame that I have just cooked and washed up, that could have been their first job. Then again the tea time things will need a wash, (Millionaires cheesecake and barnbrack) our old dog’s eyes aren’t so good nowadays and he misses more than he cleans so the help will be more than welcome.
Then there was Paddy who always kept an empty milk bottle in his fridge, when
asked why ? he replied !!! it’s if anybody calls and they want a black coffee, it is
past my bed time I’m away up the wooden hill.
thanks harry, long retired.
windrush:
Well he didn’t buy dog food at Tescos anyway.
Pete.
Hiya,
That’s why his dog croaked, it was underfed.
thanks harry, long retired.
UNDERFED You can see straight through it.
I must admit that being a bit of a softie it did bring a bit of a tear to my eye.
But then I remembered this.
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get the poor doggie a bone.
But when she bent over Rover took over and gave her a bone of his own.
That always brings a smile to my face but probably not as big as Mrs Hubbards.
Two dogs at the vets. Alsation asks the Rotweiler “What are you in for?”
Rotty replies, " I bit the coalman, then the Butcher and then the Postman. So my master got fed up with the agro and is having me put down!"
" What about you?"
The Alsation says, " My owner came into the Kitchen dressed in a Baby-Doll nightie, and when she bent over to get the milk out of the fridge I couldn’t help myself. I crept up behind and gave her one, ■■■■■■■■■■■."
The Rotty says "so what time are they putting you down?
The Alsation says " I’m not here for that! I’m having my claws clipped at 11-00 o-clock!
Jim.
Many years ago I was filling in the school holidays as a regular stand-in trailer boy for Fridged Freight.
The driver was a Streetwise Scot who was always telling everybody who would listen what a hard-case he was.
We were trundling down the old A45 on the road just before the A11 split roundabout outside Newmarket Race-course when a 8 legger tipper carved us up and disappeared up the Cambridge road. Jimmy had to stand on the brakes early, lost all momentum and had to use crawler round the roundabout, then creep up the A45 . He was furious.
Lo and behold! The tipper was parked up the road in the lay-by where the caravan cafe was end on to the road, so Jimmy pulled in past him and leapt out. I hopped over the bonnet to watch the fun in his mirror.
He ran up to the Atki and wrenched the drivers door open, whereapon a huge hairy arm snaked out and a fist as big as the door grabbed him by the throat and pulled him off his feet. He hung there for a few seconds before being tossed onto his backside and the door slammed shut.
I went back to my seat and acted all innocent as he climbed back in announcing " That told him!!" It was a quiet journey to Liverpool. Jim.
Regards Kev.
You can see straight through it.
Any more and I’ll marshal our wimmin and they’ll march down to Matlock .