After some mind numbing, although, discerning work moving parts and accesories for luxury cars (yes its the new Range Rover if you squint hard enough). I’m getting a shot of some real top work.
I’ve already got a good name as a driver who can drive trucks that other drivers can’t…
I’ve always known i was destined for better things than driving a truck, and now someone has called on me for my ‘know how’ and ‘marketing ability’. I’m driving this…
I’m game for anything, just gimmee the keys !! CB fitted too!! My favourite, although shouting …one nine for a rig check produces no results, the ariel wire might be faulty. Storage space in these cabs is somewhat lacking too. Just where are you meant to kip?
Now i’m aware that the more nosey types will have noticed that i do not have the radio coded, but i thought i’ll sort that and i googled it to no avail. A day later i found the code written on the sun visor ! Doh !!
Anyway i’ve got all the gear i need to secure my load…
And i’m away for a few days, off to Kings Lynn…carrot nibbler land. No , not nibbler, cruncher, yeah carrot cruncher country !! And i’m advertising…
Mixing in with the Mayor and Mayoress, you’ll see it here before it makes the Kings Lynn Herald !!
I’ve always been a trend setter and not a follower and once i start something then you can be sure others will follow, and they’re everywhere !!..
Now this job defies anything you’ve every known or been taught/brought up to do. What you actually have to do is look for laybys to sit in and drink coffee, drive in slow traffic, let everyone in and out, let them cut you up or do whatever they like, you aint going anywhere. There’s also no race against the clock or tacho regs to watch. Wierd!!! I had to ask if i am still getting paid !!! 
A day in Kings Lynn is mind numbing though, i’ve another two days to go !!!
On the bright side at the end of the day, see that door in the back, well thats where i get into my bunk.
Ok, just kidding, i don’t. I have to head off to my digs, none available in town so its off to the sticks for me, across the ‘fens’. Like something out of the American werewolf in London !!!
Through the villages…
And i spot a chippy !!!
Emmas Plaice…or something like that. Never seen anything like it in my life. The deep fat fryer looks like a Wurlitzer Jukebox and the local tradesmans adverts on the notice boards include…"Mole Catcher…no poison used " !! And there’s not even any ‘Spar’ shops, thats when you know you’re somewhere that only Richard Attenborough might go !!! Fish and chips where lovley though, i must say.
Anyway, ploughing on across the countryside i find my digs!!!
The light is not good on the pic, but just believe me its remote !!! Here’s the gaff, with carrots outside…
Nice and plush inside…
beats the arse off any sleeper cab i’ve been in. And as luck would have it i found six pounds on top of the wood by the carrots when i went out for a smoke, that’ll come in handy for my beer fund !!
Landlady says oh, thats a big truck, you can park it here [directs me where to park it], you’re boss said it was a big truck. “oh, thats only small i usually drive a…” nah !! only kidding i never said that bit, or did i? You’ll never know
Oh, did i mention i’m getting a full cooked brekky in the morning? Well i have now !! In the meantime i need to get out for a pint. I get directions to the nearest boozer…turn left at the end, then right then left then right, oh hang on it right,then left the right and right again. Actually every village has a pub in it so you’ll be ok, even if you donlt find the right one…Ok, i’ll be going in about half an hour, thanks. And then by magic a knock on my door…“Mike…here you are here’s our car keys, take the car if you want to go for a pint”
You could of knocked me down with a feather !!! Not sure whats worse, would you give your car keys to ;
a) a scouser
b) someone wanting to go for a pint
c) someone you don’t know
Not a question i was pondering at the time, i was off, i thought i won’t ask now where is the best pub on a Friday to get some fanny !!
I settled for the Angel at Watlington…
Jesus christ !! Another culture shock. I’m not sure who was worse…the young fat fellas with gel in their hair and upturned collars on their polo T shirts who knew everything and drove a Citroen Saxo, the mad woman who chinked her glass of chardonnay against her husbands beer glass and said “happy aniversary” or the husband who told me he’s been on a “beatles cruise” once up the Mersey !! Anyway, few pints of Stella and i’m off and back to the digs, hit nothing and went down no ditches [and theres plenty of them around]
Up at the crack of 7.45 in the morning, full brekky, orange juice, cereal, toast and full english and then off for a 9 am start at work, yep to go and sit around doing nothing. Still can’t get my head around it.
Anyway, i shot off to work without my glasses, and this is where the benefits of satnav come in…
Even if you can;t see the road ahead, then the sat nav tells you whats coming up, bends, crossroads etc…i’d be lost without mine.
Back on the job hard at it…
Figured out why i got no answer from the CB and found out why loads of people where beeping me and putting their thumbs up…
The Norfolk tourist board would have you believe that Kings Lynn is famous for being a one time port,however realistically its [or was] the home of Campbells soups and meatballs…
Overpriced salted water and crap in a tin from an American company !!! Plenty of Poles here though, spot them a mile off, look like a cross between my big fat gypsy wedding and the only way is essex !!! Other thing there is a lot of is ‘bulker drivers’ , i think all they actually carry is sugar beet. I thought they where turnips with mud on them !!
A sight familiar to anyone going into Kings Lynn from the south [about 99.9% of the UK population] is that castle/turret thing…
The Morrisons lorrys only just get through…
I’ve been woken from my slumber by some police action…
Turns out some Polish fella has been caught for nicking a turnip and someones carrot money !! Its all go here, i head off and get out the way…
Few hours later i’m off up the A17 heading home, overtaking cars three at a time who are beeping and flashing me, they seem to want to sit at 40mph, also the oncoming cars do not want to move over and they too, flash me as im overtaking. Why do they all hold a centre of lane position and not move over?
Any guesses on a King Lynn to Liverpool time?
Oh, next week…Sydenham. Diverse, multicultural and fun !!!
