What’s been your worst ■■■■ up as a HGV driver?
Mine was yesterday I was delivering to a solar farm near totnes took the wrong turn(didn’t follow the sat nav)got stuck for 12+ hours had to have a wrecker come pull me out
I felt an absolute idiot
Jumped out of my cab a few years ago to go speak briefly to the TM. Came out of the office…no truck! The yard had a slight gradient and some muppet hadn’t put the handbrake on…one colleague’s car on the car park at the bottom of the yard wrecked, and the company gaffer looking out of the window. Oops! 
first job driving class 2, just turned 18. crashed into a parked car at 4am while opening a banana. the parked car was situated 10 houses down from my own. car was a right off and all the neighbours came out to gawp, i just wanted a hole to swallow me up 
on the plus side, i went to dinner a few times with the girl who owned the car 
I got asked to jump in a transit tipper and back it down a long ramp in a quarry as the lad in it couldn’t do it ,I got in started going back fairly fast ,crunch ,no one said there was a traffic light trailer set hooked on it! First I saw of it was in the near side mirror when it was under the transit body .felt daft for weeks still what do you expect at 16.
On a night out in Liverpool I bought a kebab and had the explosive squits and severe vomiting for two days. Not much fun and not recommended when in a truck. Worst mistake I ever made… 
There was nothing damaged except my pried
I’m still beating myself up about it now
It’s my first ■■■■ up in three years of driving a class one
Scott M:
There was nothing damaged except my pried…
…and your employer’s finances. Wreckers don’t come cheap.
One of my first jobs when I passed was in Haydock, turns up at the place here’s your keys wagons parked in the car park, gets in the wagon there’s a load of pallets directly infront so only way out was to swing a left (unit only) only to realise a car was parked directly next to the unit in my blind spot, only realised when I was dragging the car with my rear wheels, looked a right plonker when I went into the office and told them I hadn’t even moved 5 feet!!
Should have picked up trailer 110 for Milan Italy…picked up trl 101 instead…loaded for Portugal…whooooops…
had quite a few over the years but one allways comes back to me,and that was delivering to whitstable kent and taking the wrong turn towards seasalter,[i think thats what it is called]and this was before sat nav and my map showed that was the route i wanted,about half a mile along i realised it was wrong as the lane narrowed,i had no choice but to reverse my artic half a mile back to where i turned in,every vehicle coming along had to get out the way,but half a mile later and plenty of sweat i made it and breathed a sigh of relief
Not a truck but at my last job I used to turn my hand to fitting, anyway we had a 500hp shredder and it needed a new radiator so I fitted it along with a colleague and all went well until we started the shredder up, a couple of minutes went by and the fan reversed and picked the lifting strap up the i forgot to take out and ripped all the fan blades off and sending a few of them through the brand new £3000 radiator.
The phone call to the radiator company was great, erm ya know that new radiator well can we have another. Ive also ripped the belly out of a jcb tellehandler at the same firm but thats another story
Quite a few tbh , but one of the most memorable was having delivered to Ipswich sugar factory I set off for Cantley sugar factory in a snowstorm after consulting my map and deciding the “big” road looked too long I opted for the shortcut straight to Cantley. I obviously ignored the weight limit and 30 foot length limit signs thinking it’ll just be 'cos some posh houses and owners didn’t want smelly trucks up their road! Imagine my surprise when The road ended and I was confronted by a river and a furious looking Grizzly Adams type fella busily piloting his raft back across to me!
My suggestion of dropping the trailer, taking the unit over and then coming back for the trailer didn’t seem to impress him much either!
Taking a wrong trailer with similar letters and numbers.Got all the way to Malaga.
Another driver had taken my trailer by mistake.
We swapped over near Malaga.
Dropped a trailer with all the weight on the front of the trailer.
The yard looked like it was solid.
It was not.
Mud under the surface.
Trailer sank down to the legs.
Punishment was to handball a load of ceramic tiles.
Took all day.
Delivering to Wallsend shipyard a few years ago,had a pig of a motor ( Leyland Boxer) two axle rigid that had a problem with air pressure. Take the handbrake off a couple of times, it worked on all four wheels, and it would drain the tanks 
It would take several minutes to build back up again. Finished unloading, turned the wheels into the kerb,left the handbrake off and went in to get my notes signed As the bloke is signing my ticket, I see my motor going backwards towards the dock. I run out of the office and the sight of that lorry resting against a huge pile of anchor chain will stay with me forever.
I can smile about it now, but for several years I’d wake up in the night,sweating
whilst double manning we did a job over to Denmark 2nd man was trying his new sat nav got to an ever shrinking lane. are you sure I said, yes he says well im not so sure get in that old cottage and ask, its all ok the old couple say its the next farm entrance about a mile further on, so off we go brushing the hedge both sides, we reach the farm and off you go says I make sure its here as the stuff carried did not normally go to farms. he came back slower than he went no its not here this is the postcode but not the right place, well blow me I said and its dark now its ok says he the farmer says we can turn in his place the Christmas lorry does. oh ok watch me pass the lamp post in the middle when I bring it round, well we only got less than halfway across the white marble chippings, and to cut it short the whole u shaped marble drive looked like the somme by the time he had pulled us out with the biggest tractor I had ever seen, I thought you said he had trucks in there I said, yes said the farmer for the Christmas trees they must weigh a couple of tonnes.
I jumped in a Foden eight legger to move it for somebody and reversed it into the foreman’s ■■■■■■ van that was parked so close behind it that it wasn’t visible in either mirror. First I knew was when I heard some shouting and then spotted it sideways facing into my fuel tank, at first I thought that somebody had pulled up too close to me sideways on…
Pete.
maga:
crashed into a parked car at 4am while opening a banana. :
Never heard it called that before . . . fnar fnar.
I was supposed to deliver Stroud Glocestershire but ended up in Strood Kent.
Bloody sat navs.
Agencey driver.
Not been driving trucks very long, so no disasters yet (watch this space), but had a golden moment donkeys years ago when I was serving my apprenticeship as a light vehicle technician. After what was a good, productive day in the workshop, I was backing the last car of the day off the four post ramp...........CRUNCH!!!............yep - forgot to pull my door shut and folded it back to the front wing. (was nearly 17 and poised to apply for my test, but granted permission to move things about for short distances). Best thing was, it only happened to be the big bosss mother-in-laws car, and not 30 seconds later, as I sat in it, still absolutely shellshocked at the living nightmare Id just unwittingly created for myself, said boss swanned into the workshop in an uncharacteristically good mood and said chirpily, " hiya kev, hows it going?" He must have read the suicidal despair on my face because he just glanced at the not-inconsiderable damage and said in a calm, matter-of-fact way "oh, thats f****d, Ill get it booked into the bodyshop" and strolled off like it happened every day. (It didnt). I survived to complete my apprenticeship!
Once a upon a time a newly qualified driver gets a phone call from the TM.
TM, Can you drive a forklift?
Me, I can drive a tractor! (Not wanting to disappoint as I was new and keen).
TM, go to ■■■■■■■■■ farm, the one with moon craters in the yard and load tatties yourself. The farmers had to go out, get them on he’ll be back later,
When the farmer returned he could believe the devastation caused by one eager young driver. Bags were split open all over the yard, squashed into the mud were his crop of quality potatoes. The curtainsider looked like it had been loaded with tatties in bulk not bags on pallets!
I would like to say sorry to the driver that I swapped trailers with. When he got to The market in Glasgow and undid the curtains, half the load fell onto the floor!