This thread is starting to make me understand why so many bellends are driving around with a headlight out!
I’m sure it’s more common now than it used to be…
Dipper_Dave:
Had to change the O/S bulb on the wifes mini cooper the weekend.
Now bear in mind this is a 2 minute job there is a 30 minute consultation period which goes something like this.Upon returning home after a 70 hour week (being a box jockey thats 20 hours proper work, 50 hours break) I was expecting to be welcomed into the open legs of my beloved. But instead was informed that a bulb needed replacing on her car so I could accompany her on this weeks big shop.
Well having done a few Tesco RDC’s this week you can imagine my excitement at yet another visit to the home of the walking dead where the male of the species trundle round 2 steps behind their wives looking suicidal whilst the female gropes all the fruit and veg (this is not a euphamism) only to select the original specimen they fondled in the first place.
Dont get me started on the packing procedure once the escape is in sight after the till zombie has scanned every item and er in doors has phorensically checked the receipt.Anyway back to the bulb, well I made the schoolboy error of asking the wife which one it was only to be informed it was the offside dipped main beam. Now bear in mind I once tried to explain the offside rule to the wife I can be forgiven for enquiring if she meant the drivers side.
This was met by an angry ‘yes I know what side is offside’ and a look that made my ■■■■■ retract into me scrotum.So off I trotted to change the bulb, well first I did the obvious things and put the lights on the car to double check. Well this was another error, seeing me standing at the front of the car scrutinising the lights the missus came flying out the house screaming ‘dont you believe me, just hurry up and change the bloody thing we have to go shopping’, albeit with enough expletives that made me realise tonight I would be sleeping with the dog.
Well that was it, spare bulb in hand I informed the dragon that this was going to be a big job and would take hours as the exhaust manifold would have to come off for easy access but she could use my car for the shopping. The following stare I got would have given medusa a run for her money, but this option was deemed acceptable.
So shopping bags in hand and broomstick at the ready away she went, I even stood teary eyed as I waved my beloved off on her Tesco mission (tears of joy and relief but tears none the less).Its at this point you may think jobs a good un and im safe for an afternoon of self abuse but not this time, less than 5 minutes had passed and new bulb fitted and in the process of being tested when who should arrive but the love of my life having forgotten her ■■■■■.
Que an afternoon round the shops and fifty lashings of the eardrums for trying to pull a fast one.
Bloody brilliant.
Galants are dead easy. Headlight units are held in with 4 bolts and one of them always sheets when you try to remove it which leaves 3. One is a little fiddly but the right socket extensions sort that out then you have easy access to all front bulbs instead of tight access.
The Mazda 6 is a pain. Indicators are brilliant. Main beams are probably fiddly due to sod all space behind them. Headlight bulbs mean full lock on the steering and remove a wheel arch liner for access. I hope the bulbs wont need changing while I still own the car. 6 months will do nicely the its gone!
…
Mk 3 Mondeo. Easy job, can change 2 of the front bulbs in the time it takes to have a smoke. Luckily a friend showed me a technique as sod all space. But fronts Fogs, Not worked that 1 out yet…
Is it only Volvos that have the quick release pin? Pull pin, unplug cable, and you can just pull the whole headlight unit out in about 3 seconds, change as many bulbs as required in the warm & dry, then pop it straight back in? 
hardyd44:
Dipper - you are in the wrong job, should be writing for a livingI literally peed myself reading that
+1, Dipper your posts are great.
Vw passat remove air box then proceeded to remove several layers of skin from the knuckles car designers are sick barstools!
Chris1207:
Is it only Volvos that have the quick release pin? Pull pin, unplug cable, and you can just pull the whole headlight unit out in about 3 seconds, change as many bulbs as required in the warm & dry, then pop it straight back in?
Mk3 Mondeo does too.
Juddian:
hardyd44:
Dipper - you are in the wrong job, should be writing for a livingI literally peed myself reading that
+1, Dipper your posts are great.
Careful people, I’m sure Dave’s head is big enough! 
Evil8Beezle:
Juddian:
hardyd44:
Dipper - you are in the wrong job, should be writing for a livingI literally peed myself reading that
+1, Dipper your posts are great.
Careful people, I’m sure Dave’s head is big enough!
Ah that explains why he’s so popular with the ladies… 
graemem106:
Vw passat remove air box then proceeded to remove several layers of skin from the knuckles car designers are sick barstools!
I never removed anything when I changed both headlamp bulbs in mine.
Age and type of cars i run replacing bulbs is a doddle, that reminds me must give the prop shafts a grease up on one of them tomorrow.
Juddian:
Age and type of cars i run replacing bulbs is a doddle, that reminds me must give the prop shafts a grease up on one of them tomorrow.
Do your wheel bearings at the same time and don’t forget to top up the oil in the SU carburettor 
Juddian:
Age and type of cars i run replacing bulbs is a doddle
That’s because you’re still using candles pal!
Evil8Beezle:
Juddian:
Age and type of cars i run replacing bulbs is a doddleThat’s because you’re still using candles pal!
Not quite that old but no DRL, DPF, DMF, EPB, keyless go nor any other such crap to be found, nor will there ever be… 
raymundo:
Juddian:
Age and type of cars i run replacing bulbs is a doddle, that reminds me must give the prop shafts a grease up on one of them tomorrow.Do your wheel bearings at the same time and don’t forget to top up the oil in the SU carburettor
I repack the front tapers on the old Merc every 5 years or so, quite therapeutic still being able to perform proper preventative maintenance.
Swapping the wheels over tomorrow on Mrs Judd’s car for the winter set, regrease the props on mine and cover the old Merc over for winter and put the trickle charger on to keep her ready, might slip an oil change into the Mrs’ Scooby whilst i’ve got it jacked up too.
Juddian:
might slip an oil change into the Mrs’ Scooby whilst i’ve got it jacked up too.
Evil8Beezle:
Juddian:
might slip an oil change into the Mrs’ Scooby whilst i’ve got it jacked up too.
mobydick:
Renault Megans are fun too. You have to take the front wheels off and then go in though an access hatch in the wheel arch. Problem is that the headlights are not a straight throw from the hatch so you have to scope it out then jam your arm in (removing a pile of skin seeing as you don’t have room for an arm and jumper) and work by feel. First one I did took 2 1/2 hours. Second time gave up after 3 hours (and removing the dipped beam when I was after the main) and went to the garage. Last time did not even bother, happy to let somebody else do it for 30 squid. Sounds a lot but well worth it.
Wimp… took me an hour the first time with my old 05 plate megane. Got it down to an art
o/s dip or main 10 mins via wheel arch. Same on n/s.
Only bulb it ever went to the garage for was n/s indicator bulb. I failed to do it. Halfords banned me from bulb changes coz of it. Garage charged 45 squid to put a blinking bulb in.
Bought a ds4. And it takes less time then the kettle takes…
graemem106:
Vw passat remove air box then proceeded to remove several layers of skin from the knuckles car designers are sick barstools!
Car manufacturers don’t want people doing DIY, they want people to pay their £80+ an hour mechanics. Which it seems is exactly what people are doing.