First day tomorrow, an I'm Terrified

UK PROFESSIONAL DRIVERS FORUMS THE UK PROFESSIONAL DRIVERS FORUM (INTERACTIVE)
81

Beau Nydel:
3 days in is a bit soon to throw it in but don’t know the circumstances.

2 days sadly.

Sadly today I didn’t make it in due to a rather costly unplanned breakdown, £385 worth of breakdown, and Alot of hours lost, with more to come by 10pm tonight [emoji20]

Alas Im also on probation, and we all know the terms and conditions there, I’m a number, it’s fact.
so couple that with the obvious facts that I’m still very nervous and I’m honest about it, and I know my cards marked.

I feel maybe it’s for the best anyway as I simply can’t be a liability to them in any regard, nor risk anyone else because my life/heads a ■■■■ show thanks to life if you know what I mean.

I can’t, and as much as my heart wants to drive, and already I’m loving what I’m doing, met some really kind folks,company’s been really good, and apparently my driving is very good, and Im doing well, my anxiety/life/means to do the job aren’t in line and we all know you have to be 10000% on the job mentally and not on your personal life ■■■■■■

So I go see manager tomorrow, and for me I’m ready already, I’ve only me to blame, P45s don’t frighten me, not being reliable/straight in the head does!!
And it’s not their place to help/risk it for me, and I don’t expect any to do so, they got their own arsed to cover that’s life for us all.

Hey ho, Always van drive for a bit, maybe next year try again, once I’m in a better place all round, he says praying to every god I can think of [emoji849][emoji20][emoji38]

But I know one things for sure, I do love it, even going into North London in rush hour lol as its been the dream since a lad, and a promise I made to me dad that I’d do it, and we’ll for a couple days atleast lol I have kept my word, I know he’d be proud of me for that atleast[emoji849][emoji38]

As for stobbys, honestly I’d love to go with them again in future they have been cool, and treated me very well so for that I’m eternally greatful, my fault not theirs, simple as that.

Anyway, enough of the essay, forum be charging me for rent ffs [emoji849][emoji849][emoji38][emoji38]

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82

Any update Benjie? Any motors or houses wiped out yet :sunglasses: you still there?

83

SUFCMark:
Any update Benjie? Any motors or houses wiped out yet :sunglasses: you still there?

[emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38]

Bless ya, just got in me door, shattered mentally.

Erm as of yet, and at time of leaving depot… NO reports I’ve killed nowt.

Bought most of Dagenham to a close whilst screwing into a bay though, so embarrassed holding world up [emoji17][emoji17]

All I’ll say is, Google "tate/lyle factory London… Little charmer of a place [emoji38][emoji38]

Last day to decide tomorrow where i go with it all, as said in here and my pm’s to you fella I’ve Alot to decide sadly…

Heart is loving it, genuinely, everyones been fab… (except for this mentoring thing ffs lol)…
But me heads, well… yeah [emoji17]

Your be on it soon fella, my advice, stay away from anything on the rice contracts… [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38]

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84

It gets better , well easier as time goes on. Stick with it you’ll regret it if you don’t and you’ll never know how good it and you could have been.

85

I agree. Stick with it pal. I hit a weigh bridge on my 3rd day and was going to walk away but 7 months on and I’m loving it. As for holding people up its better to be late than not get there at all. A lot of people forget they were learners once. When i go somewhere new i try to have a good look at it and work out in my head how I’m going to deal with it. You can always ask the people at the place how other drivers deal with the manoeuvre. I also tell them I’m a new driver and most of the time they help you out. Good luck. :slight_smile:

86

Cheers fellas [emoji41][emoji41][emoji41]

Yip your both spot on, and I’ve been very much on the asks/watching game…

Sadly its family difficulties and this anxiety.

Tomorrows my last day to decide, and apparently I’m alone too, really dreading it to be honesty.

Yip I’m a snowflake [emoji38][emoji38]

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87

Snowflakes can be saved. They just need to be chilled :smiley:

88

Benjie83:
Cheers fellas [emoji41][emoji41][emoji41]

Yip your both spot on, and I’ve been very much on the asks/watching game…

Sadly its family difficulties and this anxiety.

Tomorrows my last day to decide, and apparently I’m alone too, really dreading it to be honesty.

Yip I’m a snowflake [emoji38][emoji38]

Remember when you come back .You will have to do it all over. Hang on a little bit longer.If you have gone these past days without being on social media you have done well.Do it a few weeks then take time off .Stobbies for all their faults they will keep your position open.

89

WheelsofCardiff:

Benjie83:
Cheers fellas [emoji41][emoji41][emoji41]

Yip your both spot on, and I’ve been very much on the asks/watching game…

Sadly its family difficulties and this anxiety.

Tomorrows my last day to decide, and apparently I’m alone too, really dreading it to be honesty.

Yip I’m a snowflake [emoji38][emoji38]

Remember when you come back .You will have to do it all over. Hang on a little bit longer.If you have gone these past days without being on social media you have done well.Do it a few weeks then take time off .Stobbies for all their faults they will keep your position open.

Cheers Fella [emoji109][emoji20][emoji41]

But alas and Sadly for me chap I’ve made my decision, my resignation letter is done, and will be on their counter tomorrow morning, it was going in today but I just couldn’t find the strength to even put some clothes on without simply melting into a puddle of tears, ridicules never bothered me so world can think what it will of it.

I can’t nor will I allow myself to be a risk to anyone on the road when it’s quite clear to myself/family I’m not well at all, I won’t do it and will live with the ridicules atleast knowing my conscious is clear in that respect.

Subsequently I can’t continue to be seen as a liability for some TM nor their company who have no clear approaches/standards to training but instead believe every boot fits is the best approach, so tough luck, whilst quoting/practicing to the contray, and regardless of how I am now I’ve NEVER dealt with those approaches in life too well.

Im simply not in a state of mind life to be able to continue on with the above, nor am I capable of biting my tongue/temper at the best of times so it’s best for all parties concerned that I step away…

But I’ve loved it though, the lads I’ve mixed with especially as there is such a huge community from such diverse areas of the world/cultures is to me something I love, I’ve even started to learn to pronounce Lithuanian names properly lol.
The warehouse lads who I think some of maybe Russian were awesome helping me with my reversing yesterday, just came over even though they was well busy and just helped, proper sound of them giving the English fanny boy a hand [emoji16][emoji38]

Also learnt some good old London too, over esssssiiiixxx drivel which is a massive relief, and the help from drivers from other firms being legends watching me then ■■■■ taking lol but all being very Gentlemanly too, couldn’t have hoped for better…[emoji41][emoji41]

And as for the Scots bloke on weighbridge at tate&lyle hahaha what a legend to a soppy new driver he was too, he’s sound so if anyone comes across him… Enjoy [emoji106][emoji38]

I’ve learnt alot is 3 days, and will miss it so badly but I wasn’t ready to be alone, even in a better state of mind it wouldn’t have sat right and I ain’t down for being a long term sick game, I either work or don’t.

So as vinny would say, it’s been emotional…
Like reading my essays are for those who dare… [emoji38] [emoji38]

Going forward I’m off to see my doctor first thing Monday, see if finally I can get some form of culminating solutions to the issues I have, then maybe come new year look to start again somewhere, in a better state to be able to crack on and not be a burden to anyone who’d maybe give me a look in…

Who knows, but one things for sure I won’t be near a truck till I’m sound as can be, and if it means my family’s Christmas is cancelled, so be it,
I wanted to drive for life, and I will do so under the best of circumstances, nothing more or less.

Right brollies out so let the bricks rain down [emoji106][emoji57][emoji38]

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90

Maybe drive rigids for a little while?

91

At least you enjoyed it and know what to expect if you go again, best doing what your doing if not happy relaxed don’t give up back on the horse in no time
Plenty of jobs

92

A late entry, but strong contender.

93

Rich T:
Maybe drive rigids for a little while?

I am thinking about it…

it’s not the driving though, it’s my stress/anxiety causing me to not be focused on the job in hand as I want to be, its that that’s stopped me today and made me realise I’m not in the frame of mind I want to be to cope and do the job safely.

Someone dropped one on its knees yesterday in the yard, I don’t know the circumstances behind it but it made me really think enoughs enough as I don’t want to be that bloke who done it coz I’m not thinking straight, or I forget trailer brake…

Nah not for me.

So Doctors Monday, get myself checked over, see how the land lays then look to the new year.

I feel maybe a slower type of work is what I really need now, so heavy hauls where yeah days are longer but the pace is slower and I can work to the way I like, nuff of this whip whip mush mush the husky bollox for me in life, aint starting again at that ■■■■ especially with an artic under me.

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94

the nodding donkey:
A late entry, but strong contender.

[emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38]

For special entrant of the year…[emoji849][emoji38]

Fear not, this 3 legged, one eyed gender neutral pony knows he’s a mess [emoji20]

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95

everyone is waiting what was said after you handed in your notice did they talk to you about why or anything like that
Or did they just ask for the much sought after uniform back
We could have a vote on that

96

Bigtruck3:
everyone is waiting what was said after you handed in your notice did they talk to you about why or anything like that
Or did they just ask for the much sought after uniform back
We could have a vote on that

[emoji38] [emoji38]

They will all have to wait and see on the uniform, but there maybe some sad faces on here when they don’t get a shirt… [emoji38]

No its Just a verbal notice today, will take my written one in tomorrow, I think I’ve to give a week’s notice but they won’t want me working it as my pays already been withheld so it’s pretty clear to me I’m out the door with zero, which Is OK as I’ve had a good few days dropping trailers and learning their best practices when doing so, parking practice, and road driving which if we’re honest would have cost me what I’ve earnt if payed for on the street so it’s only fair on their part as I see it [emoji41]

They need arses on seats, agency guys will swallow my bits an bobs of a weeks work in a 4.5 drive so no mate, they won’t be offering me owt, as we all know and as I said above I’m a number, and that’ll be someone elses by 5pm… That’s haulage ain’t it [emoji849][emoji38][emoji38]

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97

At the risk of ■■■■■■■ you off mate, being that I’m the most unsympathetic and zero touchy feely type of guy you could ever meet (unless somebody is trying to help themselves and overcome issues that is :bulb: )
I’m getting the strong urge to tell you to check yer nads are still there and pull yourself together.
You had a half decent job, it ain’t too hard, and if you had stuck in, gave it a fair crack, and adapted yourself, it could have been a goer and a winner.
You had some good advice on here, but you’ve chucked your chances away…for no real reason.

He who dares wins Rodney :bulb:
Apologies for being harsh, seriously,…but that’s just me. :blush:
Remind me to never apply for a job with The Samaritans. :bulb:

98

it does seem after reading your posts that you set yourself up to fail mate… :neutral_face:

99

robroy:
At the risk of ■■■■■■■ you off mate, being that I’m the most unsympathetic and zero touchy feely type of guy you could ever meet (unless somebody is trying to help themselves and overcome issues that is :bulb: )
I’m getting the strong urge to tell you to check yer nads are still there and pull yourself together.
You had a half decent job, it ain’t too hard, and if you had stuck in, gave it a fair crack, and adapted yourself, it could have been a goer and a winner.
You had some good advice on here, but you’ve chucked your chances away…for no real reason.

He who dares wins Rodney :bulb:
Apologies for being harsh, seriously,…but that’s just me. :blush:
Remind me to never apply for a job with The Samaritans. :bulb:

I’ve been waiting for your bedside manner Mr rob… [emoji38] [emoji38]

Nope your spot on boss, 110% your on the money, but before I carry on I will say I’m doing all I can to get you the shirt you crave alright… [emoji8][emoji38]

Now…

As said, it’s what’s going on in my own personal life, and head that’s stopped me dead bud, the jobs cool but I really did just need more time with a mentor in that regards, just wanted to be 200% safe, and its what they preech to want yet wont honour it…?

I know I’m being a snowflake, but I didn’t come this far to hurt no one for sake of a wage was all, and mentally my minds no coping knowing so all because they want an arse on a seat, me dad would have broke me teeth if he were alive if I’d have said oh well got me licence now, I’m a pro off I go [emoji38]

I know I’m a flake, but ultimately I can’t risk hurting no one bud is all, and that will happen if I ain’t right.

■■■■ the cyclists([emoji8][emoji38]) though, fair game they are… [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38]

I’M ONLY JOKING FOLKS FFS SO PLEASE NO EMAILS I LOVE THE LYCRA CLAN AND AM A CYCLIST MYSELF…

It’s a unicycle though so I class myself as superior compared to you two wheeled users… [emoji8][emoji16]

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100

m.a.n rules:
it does seem after reading your posts that you set yourself up to fail mate… :neutral_face:

I totally respect that one chap, and yeah I suppose your right to a degree as ultimately it needs a degree of he who dares spirit to do this job, but if I’m honest I’d not taken into account how quick I’d need to get my ■■■■ together mentally that’s for sure.

My life stuffs, well life but I wear myself on my sleave but it’s definitely jumped out hard on me despite my best efforts to make sure it was all in hand, hence I’ve pulled the plug now before all the aboves I’ve said already came to reality…

If I can’t be 100% on the task in hand, I can’t risk it.

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