the maoster:
Whan I was a squaddie and on excercise once I remember “soldier A” wandering off into the forest armed with a roll of comfy bum to do his business, meanwhile “soldier B” followed him quietly armed with a shovel and caught soldier A’s droppings before they hit the floor. Apparently soldier A’s face was a picture when he turned around to inspect it and there was no evidence to be seen!
It’s been done many times, it’s even better when you put it in the bottom of their scratcher and they find it when they climb in after a long cold wet stag!!
Better in their Bergens!
Wrong psychology. You have to tell the tale of the poor sod who didn’t get his boiler suit / noddy suit far enough out of the way, before your victim goes on their shovel recce. The panic on their face when there’s no evidence of it
This thread will turn into a trick or treat thread, clingfilm over the pan is always good for a schoolboy giggle. Or as a colleague told me when he worked on Cottam power station as a welder, the trick was to crap in a new start welders helmet.
I would not tip a load of hazardous into a carrier bag in my cab, no chance
The thing is, however disgusting it may seem, if you’re parked in a layby because there’s nowhere else to park, what are you going to do when the Turtle’s head appears? You can’t cork it, so curling one off in the bushes is your only option, get treated in an inhuman way and you have no choice but to act inhuman
Having said that, as many of you are aware, I run in North America, over here there are truckstops everywhere, the truckparks still stink of ■■■■ though and it’s not uncommon to find a Richard or two hiding in the grass as you walk around the back of the lorry to do your pre trip checks
truckerjon:
One thing about this thread that does concern me a little is the attitude that it is all down to east european drivers. I am sure that the lituanian or estonian equivilant ot trucknet is full of stories of “those dirty brit/french/dutch/irish drivers” and if truth were known, i’m pretty sure there are just as many brit lazy b’s who can’t be bothered to use the services, just pull in to wooley edge services and take a deep breath, that can’t all be down to east europeans!
NIce that someone noticed that.
But I can tell you there is nothing like that on Polish trucker’s forum. I think it’s because dirty laybys and parking areas are rather British speciality. Off course you (plural you ) often blame us for that, but simply stop and think: does all Eastern Europeans especially come to Britain to pee and crap here? Because somehow it’s clean everywhere else in Europe.
And I think lack of facilities for truckers is partially to blame, in Germany, France or Austria you have a toilet every few kms in small laybys, but I don’t think it’s much easier to find a toilet in Poland and you will have to pay for it in most small garages, yet it’s much cleaner there… So that cannot be an excuse…
And I never heard about trucker’s wine/tizer before I came to UK and I spent fair amount of time on the European shoulders in my years of hitchhiking trips…
newmercman:
Having said that, as many of you are aware, I run in North America, over here there are truckstops everywhere, the truckparks still stink of ■■■■ though and it’s not uncommon to find a Richard or two hiding in the grass as you walk around the back of the lorry to do your pre trip checks
mazz:
Stopped just off the A1 today in a layby to clean the mirrors- low & behold all along the grass verge was loads of human excriment
Dirty [zb]'s!!!
i am one of the lucky ones,at the moment its still legal,to get out of your cab and wee up the rear offside wheel.
goes back to the days of horse and cart,when you could not leave the horse unattended.
i dont think it would go down to well with the folks doing their xmas shopping in the high st.
ive stopped on the h/s once when i had a really bad stomach upset and im sorry when you got the squirts you cannot hold that in,and i would rather explode on the road than in my under-crackers but thats just me!
orys:
simply stop and think: does all Eastern Europeans especially come to Britain to pee and crap here?
No Orys, that’s the Gypsies!
So THAT’S who was doing it, before we had enough Eastern Europeans coming over to make a significant impact.
Was it them who used to steal shower heads, tap handles and sink plugs from truckstops too
orys:
simply stop and think: does all Eastern Europeans especially come to Britain to pee and crap here?
No Orys, that’s the Gypsies!
So THAT’S who was doing it, before we had enough Eastern Europeans coming over to make a significant impact.
Was it them who used to steal shower heads, tap handles and sink plugs from truckstops too
Oh not that, they don’t know what showers are for, and they only get as far as the diesel tanks in truckstops…
As has been said though, when you’ve gotta go you’ve gotta go! And lack of facilities can only lead to one thing…
The summer before last I did a week for pickfords, we loaded two rigids near Lincoln (huge house) and me and another guy drove them down to the exeter (sp?) depot where we spent the night and, along with a few of their lads, got mine tipped the first day. Now, I’d been feeling the urge all afternoon but didn’t really want to turn the air green in an even bigger, fancier house. So I planned to do the deed back at pickfords that night. Trouble was; the place was all locked up when we got back so there I was, trying to get some sleep but very uncomfortable!
So, In the end, I decided they deserved it for not allowing their drivers access to any facilities and left them a present in the flower bed behind my lorry- thank god I’d had the foresight to take a bog roll! Sadly, carrier bags weren’t in abundance so I did what I had to do
Thetaff:
ive stopped on the h/s once when i had a really bad stomach upset and im sorry when you got the squirts you cannot hold that in,and i would rather explode on the road than in my under-crackers but thats just me!
Brilliant Thetaff, funny, probably true but very funny.
) often blame us for that, but simply stop and think: does all Eastern Europeans especially come to Britain to pee and crap here? Because somehow it’s clean everywhere else in Europe.
