Are we nearly there yet?
What is the meaning of life?
[/quote]
Best approximate answer :
according to the late, great Douglas Adams, the answer to life, the universe & everything… 42.
m1cks:
Just what happens when you get ‘Norf of Watford’
You become a human and not a Neanderthal,
Why can you not buy rock eel up north, and why is only haddock sold in most chippies in Scotland
What is the meaning of life?
I’m always puzzled by people who struggle with this one.
The meaning if life is to reproduce.
If you’ve failed to reproduce, then you’ve failed at life.
Simple.
toby1234abc:
Bit odd how there are so many dead badgers in the roads?
A farmer can get jail for interfering with a badger set or it’s home.They must be shooting them and toss them sunny side up with their little paws sticking up.
Being left means the body bloats with toxic gas.Make a big bang when you hit them.
This is true & a known issue within the pro Badger brigade.
If there’s a random path in a woodland, it’s usually a Badger trail. They are incredible repetitive & will follow the same trails over & over again, creating a well trodden path.
If the path crosses a road . . . Badgers aren’t known for their road sense !
The pro Badger brigade know where these local road crossings are, any roadkill Badger found elsewhere is 99% likely to have been tossed there by someone who killed it elsewhere.
here are a few randoms that stop me falling asleep when im driving…
is it true,that 1 out of 4 vosa/plods,as just as big ■■■■■■■■ as the other 3?
now that he`s dead,if i send away for a “free nelson mandella” will i get one?
why do cows always stand in the muddyest corner of a field?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an S in the word lisp?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they slept like a baby when babies wake up every two hours?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground??
and especially for all us fellow truckies,
why is it that when it dawns on us that were lost, we roll down the window■■? :
and…for the fellow chauvanists out there…
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a Laundrette a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me . . …”
How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men f*rt more than women?
Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won’t do what she’s told.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
happy days. it would be nice to read a joke in here than the normal waiting room waffel… 
disgo:
What is the meaning of life?
Everything that lives does so to procreate. The Oxford English defines ‘procreate’ as : ‘to reproduce by copulation’. Copulation is what Guardian readers call ■■■. ■■■ is what TNUK’rs call [ZB]ing !
But that is not the whole meaning of life.
Douglas Adams defines the meaning of life simply as the number 42. As a part time mathematician I can appreciate the importance of the no’ 42 in the grand scheme of things, but as an avid fan of Duggies writings, I’m as totally confused about his conclusion as everyone else is.
Having met the man & being totally ‘smoked’ under the table by him, I’m led to believe that 42 may actually refer to the average number of ‘pumps’ in order to satisfy one’s needs to procreate !
The whole meaning of life, in truth & in its entirety, is “■■■, Drugs & Rock n Roll” !
what constitutes a pump…1 stroke up and down,or just 1 up,or 1 down??
dieseldog999:
here are a few randoms that stop me falling asleep when im driving…
is it true,that 1 out of 4 vosa/plods,as just as big [zb] as the other 3?
All 4 will deny it, in my book this makes every VOSA bod a liar.
dieseldog999:
now that he`s dead,if i send away for a “free nelson mandella” will i get one?
Nope, but I’m quite sure his kids would welcome the free £money.
dieseldog999:
why do cows always stand in the muddyest corner of a field?
Whichever corner they stand in becomes the muddiest.
dieseldog999:
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
It is a truth, universally known, that pressing the button harder squeezes more juice from within the batteries.
dieseldog999:
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Because everyone is bone idle, it takes far too long to count 4 billion stars but practically no time at all to check whether the paint really is wet.
dieseldog999:
Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
In case any contaminants within the needle neutralise the effects of the drug. We wouldn’t want it having no effect now would we?
dieseldog999:
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Please consult rule No’ 42 in the Mitsubishi Zero operators handbook.
dieseldog999:
Whose idea was it to put an S in the word lisp?
The very same sadist that defined how the word dyslexia be spilt.
dieseldog999:
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
Speaking from experience, I can only say that yes, married people do seem to live very much longer lives . . . !
dieseldog999:
If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
Recent surveys of successful suicides suffering a split personality disorder have proven inconclusive on account of them being dead & therefore unable to answer stupid questions.
dieseldog999:
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
I’m told that most minor celebrities employ the services of Max Clifford for this very reason.
dieseldog999:
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
NASA spent 100’s of $billions on the US space program. It cost $48billion to perfect a pen that would write in the zero gravity of space & $52 billion to work out how the astronauts could get their luggage aboard Apollo 11.
The Russians used a pencil & some bloke from Poland carried the suitcases.
dieseldog999:
Why is it that people say they slept like a baby when babies wake up every two hours?
Men sleep like babies, blissfully unaware that wimmin get up every 2hrs to feed baby.
dieseldog999:
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground??
I’m speaking for myself here, but I really need to see who the spit lands on !
dieseldog999:
and especially for all us fellow truckies,
why is it that when it dawns on us that were lost, we roll down the window■■? :
[/quote]
Lost?
I’m finally stumped !
Why is there always a full moon on a bright night when we don’t need it?
Chas:
dieseldog999:
here are a few randoms that stop me falling asleep when im driving…
is it true,that 1 out of 4 vosa/plods,as just as big [zb] as the other 3?All 4 will deny it, in my book this makes every VOSA bod a liar.
dieseldog999:
now that he`s dead,if i send away for a “free nelson mandella” will i get one?Nope, but I’m quite sure his kids would welcome the free £money.
dieseldog999:
why do cows always stand in the muddyest corner of a field?Whichever corner they stand in becomes the muddiest.
dieseldog999:
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?It is a truth, universally known, that pressing the button harder squeezes more juice from within the batteries.
dieseldog999:
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?Because everyone is bone idle, it takes far too long to count 4 billion stars but practically no time at all to check whether the paint really is wet.
dieseldog999:
Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?In case any contaminants within the needle neutralise the effects of the drug. We wouldn’t want it having no effect now would we?
dieseldog999:
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?Please consult rule No’ 42 in the Mitsubishi Zero operators handbook.
dieseldog999:
Whose idea was it to put an S in the word lisp?The very same sadist that defined how the word dyslexia be spilt.
dieseldog999:
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?Speaking from experience, I can only say that yes, married people do seem to live very much longer lives . . . !
dieseldog999:
If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?Recent surveys of successful suicides suffering a split personality disorder have proven inconclusive on account of them being dead & therefore unable to answer stupid questions.
dieseldog999:
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?I’m told that most minor celebrities employ the services of Max Clifford for this very reason.
dieseldog999:
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?NASA spent 100’s of $billions on the US space program. It cost $48billion to perfect a pen that would write in the zero gravity of space & $52 billion to work out how the astronauts could get their luggage aboard Apollo 11.
The Russians used a pencil & some bloke from Poland carried the suitcases.
dieseldog999:
Why is it that people say they slept like a baby when babies wake up every two hours?Men sleep like babies, blissfully unaware that wimmin get up every 2hrs to feed baby.
dieseldog999:
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground??I’m speaking for myself here, but I really need to see who the spit lands on !
dieseldog999:
and especially for all us fellow truckies,
why is it that when it dawns on us that were lost, we roll down the window■■? :
Lost?
I’m finally stumped 
Why do people bother putting the time and effort into writing eight metre long posts with split quotes that nobody will bother to read? 
toby1234abc:
Bit odd how there are so many dead badgers in the roads?
A farmer can get jail for interfering with a badger set or it’s home.They must be shooting them and toss them sunny side up with their little paws sticking up.
Being left means the body bloats with toxic gas.Make a big bang when you hit them.
This post triggered a memory of when I visited oz in 1980. Once, when cruising around with this guy in his 4x4, he referred to the aborigines as “bungs”. When quizzed, he explained that in the bush they often just spontaneously sat down in the middle of dust roads, in the middle of the night, and did their dreamtime thing. It was quite simply a reference to the noise they made when they bounced off the bull bars. Aussie humour, eh?
Just occurred to me - what if there were no rhetorical questions?
Contraflow:
Why do people bother putting the time and effort into writing eight metre long posts with split quotes that nobody will bother to read?
But, you have just told the whole of the internets that you read the whole of the eight metres including the split posts that nobody bothers to read
I used to think Rog was full of it, but on reflection, I think TNUK is a much better place for him bothering to post here.
Why are you (still) here?
What do you think you ‘add’ to the group?
& before you chuck your teddy out of the pram, rein in your army of socks.
Sober up & don’t post your response for at least the next 8hrs.
Chas:
Contraflow:
Why do people bother putting the time and effort into writing eight metre long posts with split quotes that nobody will bother to read?But, you have just told the whole of the internets that you read the whole of the eight metres including the split posts that nobody bothers to read
Err, no I didn’t.
It’s fairly obvious from a quick glance at my screen that it’s eight metres long, includes split quotes and should be ignored.
Once again, you fail.
Contraflow:
Err, no I didn’t.It’s fairly obvious from a quick glance at my screen that it’s eight metres long, includes split quotes and should be ignored.
Once again, you fail.
Excuse me, & my scientifically trained, logical mind. But you complained about a post that you perceived to be 8mtrs too long & split in a way that didn’t agree with your delicate personality.
You should write a long letter of protest to your local MP, does the thought occur to you that they wouldn’t GAFF about it either?
Come back when you’ve sobered up will ya !
You sound like a card carrying member of Mary Whitehouse’s ‘National Viewers & Listeners Association’.
“I was thoroughly disgusted for the whole half hour the programme was broadcasted”.
Chas:
Come back when you’ve sobered up will ya !
Take your own advice, Chas.
You made a fool of yourself last night and you’re doing the same again now. 
Why does Brian May look like a badger?
With millions in the bank,why worry about badgers?
Why is the UK obcessed with public enquiries that are now televised for hours and hours when something has gone wrong or when somebody has been naughty.?
Later,it makes the news headlines to say a report is being published then a paper about it.
And the daft long winded meetings are chaired by Lord Toff of Such and Such.
It is like school,with head teachers lining you for the firing squad if rapid questions while glaring at you and lowering the head while peering over the top of their lowered spectacles to make them appear authoritive and in control.
More like bullies.
Was Rod Hulls Emu real and liked his hand up his ■■■.?
Can schizophrenics hold a driving licence? If they can do they both have to pass or can only one of them drive?