Why is it whenever I stop and ask for directions in a strange place I always manage to collar the village idiot who starts off giving directions to a completely different one to the one I want, followed by random ■■■■■■■■ regarding his family?
I only find out about the first part of my rant after listening to the second part, trundling down the road and then cursing my luck at finding that particular villages idiot!
jdc:
Why is it whenever I stop and ask for directions in a strange place I always manage to collar the village idiot who starts off giving directions to a completely different one to the one I want, followed by random ■■■■■■■■ regarding his family?I only find out about the first part of my rant after listening to the second part, trundling down the road and then cursing my luck at finding that particular villages idiot!
Hah, I’m ashamed to say I did that myself yesterday in my home town. Some fellah came the wrong way down a one way street (in a car park) and stopped me and asked me where west street was. Car behind beeped, I said “well south street is that way”, car behind gave coffee bean sign and I said “and east street is over there” … driver of car behind got out with a hatchet and I just drove off. Google mapped it later and I was almost there.
Ched:
jdc:
Why is it whenever I stop and ask for directions in a strange place I always manage to collar the village idiot who starts off giving directions to a completely different one to the one I want, followed by random ■■■■■■■■ regarding his family?I only find out about the first part of my rant after listening to the second part, trundling down the road and then cursing my luck at finding that particular villages idiot!
Hah, I’m ashamed to say I did that myself yesterday in my home town. Some fellah came the wrong way down a one way street (in a car park) and stopped me and asked me where west street was. Car behind beeped, I said “well south street is that way”, car behind gave coffee bean sign and I said “and east street is over there” … driver of car behind got out with a hatchet and I just drove off. Google mapped it later and I was almost there.
Ah, but did you give out random and useless facts about your family? If not, you are merely aspiring to be the village idiot and have not quite made it yet 
If all else fails I tells em this … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tShsE98II94
jacksplat:
What did they call “Barn Owls” before there were any barns?
This one roused my twisted curiosity. Googled, and Wiki throws up in excess of TWENTY alternative names for this awesome bag of feathers!
Muckaway:
Rhythm Thief:
Muckaway:
And why don’t local travel news bulletins warn drivers of census points?Presumably because that would skew the results of the census, thereby negating the point of carrying it out in the first place.
Haven’t been in one for a while but I like to tell them wrong information. Told them Swindon on the A420 when facing Oxford and vice versa. I also fill in random ■■■■■■■■ on those reply cards to.
Ah, such a rebel!
Why is it on an empty road at 3am,pheasants,deer,foxes,owls or bags of feathers,decide to commit suicide and fly or jump in front of any vehicle.?
Do they wait at the side of the road for 2 hours and see the headlights and go for it?
Why are pigeons terrible at flying.They should get a refund from the flying rat pilot training college.?
Humans;Whyhave loos marked as male and female.
A bog is a bog.Bog standard.
In Europe,the loos are unisex.
A few coach load of tourists would rather queue to use the ladies with their bladders bursting and bowels clenching,than use the EMPTY male loos.
You tell them it is free,and they look at you like you are the Yorkshire Ripper.?
Bit odd how there are so many dead badgers in the roads?
A farmer can get jail for interfering with a badger set or it’s home.They must be shooting them and toss them sunny side up with their little paws sticking up.
Being left means the body bloats with toxic gas.Make a big bang when you hit them.
GBD:
why is it that the national lottery has been going for 20 years next year, every week, maybe two or three people win the jackpot. another 20 odd people win the next top prize. if you add on scratchcard top prizes and euro millions winners/ higher prize winners/ thunderball and all the other games camelot do it must be close to 200,000 people who have won…now if there are about 62 million people in this country, take off children (14 million) that leaves 48 mill adults.
that means that 1 in every 24 adults have won !!! so how come i dont know anyone whos won !!
Think you need to work on your maths, that s 1 in 240 people, that’s why you don’t know a lottery winner 
switchlogic:
Deeireland:
Why do we drive on the left and the rest drive on the right ?
Why the difference ?Well so the story goes everyone used to ride on the left as most were right handed and it was best for defending yourself with a sword from an oncoming bounder, apparently Napeleon was left handed and he being a fairly forceful chap he changed it. Like I say that’s the common story, true or not? Who knows.
To add wasn’t it more countries drive on right but more people on left or vice versa or some such? Never looked to deeply into that fact.
There might be an element of truth in what you say about us driving on the left.
Japan also drives on the right side of the road ( right = correct, if you are struggling with that one), and it said that it is due to the Warrior/Sammurai culture that they do so for the same reason as us Brits.
As for the rest driving on the wrong side of the road, simply put, they wanted a more peaceful existence and to discourage fighting passed each other on the other side. Faggots!
toby1234abc:
Why are fish and chips no longer wrapped in newspapers?
news papers were used as it form an unlimited and very cheap method of wrapping the food. It was also widely used by butchers and fishmongers.
When they changed the ink from stuff that used to come off you on your hands they also changed the paper that had to be used. The new paper made the food sweet instead of beath and ruined the whole concept of fish and chips.
Rather than be defeated, Fish and Chip shops just bought the paper plain from manufacturers, butchers and fish mongers went to plastic bags and them stupid sticky tap closings!
I always thought “modern” fish n chips wrapping paper - the plain stuff - is STILL good old newsprint… It just doesn’t have any ink on it like the stuff of old did, regardless of what type.
My random question is:
WHY is fish & chips oop narth classed as “great” when it’s full of bones and you need a chisel to break the batter off…?
I like mine large and soggy me.
Fish and chips in the north is crap. And adding gravy to the eqaution is wrong
Why do people start threads on here just because they’ve seen Harry Monk?
And why do horseboxes need to have “horses” written on them? Do coaches need “humans” emblazoned on the sides?
Muckaway:
And why do horseboxes need to have “horses” written on them? Do coaches need “humans” emblazoned on the sides?
Because they were originally designed to carry a stud bull around, so that when people started to carry horses they were labeled as such as horses spook more easily.
kr79:
Fish and chips in the north is crap. And adding gravy to the eqaution is wrong
…and if they can’t get graaavvveeeyyy why do they then want currie sauce?
Baggie:
Is there such a place as Potto (Prestons of… ) ?
Is there such a place as Old ( Knights of…) ?
Are Jacks trucks really reliable,and some of the best ?Questions 1 and 2 are semi serious BTW,I can honestly say that I’ve never seen signs for those 2 places,perhaps I ought to get out more
1 and 2 been answered.3. Yes.
What is the meaning of life?
Why do car drivers slam on the anchors when they a HATO vehicle.
They do the same when 60mph limits flash up on the motorway gantries then slow to 40 mph as they can not look at their speedo.? 
+"mushy peas WTF that about it’s a must have in Gt Yarmouth & all points north 
random or what?
Just what happens when you get ‘Norf of Watford’
