How do you make the decision whether you chose a job over seeing your child■■?
I ask as I sit in an exhausted state brought about by too many nights and poor respect for driver welfare from agency and client, so much so that I dumped the load and told them to ■■■■ themselves this morning as I asked for a 6 am finish so I could grab 4 hours kip before collecting my kid yet they expected me to work until 9am despite me previously telling both that I had to be home in bed by 6am. My sleep was then further interrupted by the ■■■■■ ex who has been told not to contact me by phone. I attempted to drive but had to pull into a layby after ten minutes unable to drive for fear of falling asleep at the wheel.
For the last 4 years I have put my life on hold traveling in a 6 hour round trip to keep in contact with my beautiful little nipper while turning job after job down and working every ■■■■■■ shift in between just to make ends meet.
So the dilemma is do I stop seeing my kid and leave her to be dragged up in a scummy environment and have the CSA ■■■■ my wages so the scum ex can continue enjoying multiple foreign holidays and new cars while dumping kid left right and centre or do I bite the bullet and put myself in an early grave carrying on as it is■■?
I don’t know what it’s like to be in your situation, but I do know that my health and family would come first every time. No job would take priority over these IMO.
Even though I’m single , Kids every time ! they only have one proper father and you only have this contact with them
where as driving jobs will always be there
+1. With child no1 I chased the money and missed out on a lot. With child no2 I vowed I’d never do that. Its one of the reasons I do agency so I have control over how much I work.
I thought agencies were supposed to be flexible.
If not mate I would find one that is, explain your situation and try and work with them around the times you can see your little un.
If you keep burning a two ended candle he/ she will be without a Dad as you will end up in a heap.
Another thing knock off your phone when on rest.
Hope you manage to sort it mate anyway.
Kids. I did stupid hours for fairly good money when on the flour. Only averaged a night out roughly every fortnight and this was scheduled but it still felt I was missing out on my son. Mrs Muckaway fell pregnant with our daughter and this coupled with a nagging back problem and probably the best tipper job you could get was offered to me, I took a slight pay cut. Looking back there was no way I could’ve coped with the sleepless nights and getting up at 3am.
I’m currently seeing what effects divorcing a lazy spiteful ■■■■■ has on you and the family as my BIL’s going through a divorce now. He’s been accused of emotional abuse and his wife is living in a refuge in Slough with the two sons, has an exclusion order of 5 miles on him, yet she comes to the village where he lives when he has the kids to stay with friends (so she can’t feel that threatened by him). She’s Czech so she naturally uses the “poor foreign girl” routine and a touch of human rights bs to get her own way.
Focus on your kid, I know you need to earn a living to provide for yourself and the child. Being flexible in this game is non existing I’m afraid, times when I needed to be away but was still working. You’d be better of in asda tesco stacking shelves on a nite shift tbh, I am on class 2 work at a quarry and on a 39 hr week with overtime if I want it, home every nite and weekend great for family life, not the best paid but I have the work/ life balance just right
I was in a similar situation as you about 18 months ago and like you the bloody job was going to kill me so I told them to stuff the job and left to do agency work.
I signed up with an agency and told them the hours that I was going to work (8/9 hour days Monday to Friday) and fair play to them that’s what they got for me.
Happy days now and I now have a life, you’ve got to put the child first, no question
I was in the situation where I was away from Monday to Friday, ruined my relationship with my now ex, I missed out on my lad alot, granted I still don’t see him as much now, but rather than Saturday morning to Sunday evening, I now have him Friday afternoon till Monday morning, home every night, doing shifts I like, and on agency. Alot happier in life now just by simply changing my job.
Couldn’t think of tramping now with my little girl at home,I still do long hours and the odd night away but would never be away putting job first.
A few lads I know who have worked down the road all week and there kids have gone off the rails and have no respect for there dad because he was never there.
You need a stron woman at home if your going to be away from the kids
Kids every time.
I used to chase the money before they arrived and have had a job where I missed out on some special occasions. You can’t get these special times back again that you miss out on.
Gotta be kids. I’m sacrificing a lot by being a tramper. Social life is naff and girl number 2 has just vanished. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that but kids are different and they only grow up once.
Earn what you need to give them a comfortable life but spend as much time as possible with them. Nights and tramping (I do both) would be a no no if I had a kid.
For me it’s a short term cash boost, nothing more.
This is indeed a super-rare thread. Everyone singing off the same hymn sheet!
I can only echo everyones take on this. Kids grow up so quickly (especially nowadays), and before you know it, they aint kids any more, and youve lost those precious, irreplaceable formative years. You cant turn the clock back, and would live with regret for many, many years.
You`ve done absolutely the right thing in telling your scumbag agency to do one, and i suspect you know it.
Plenty of other outfits to trawl through, and you WILL find one eventually that actually listens to you when you tell them your specific requirements.
You are clearly a man who wants to do the right thing by your child. Good on ya, mate.
Up until a few years ago I would have said “work all the hours god sends to make sure your kid wants for nothing”. But there’s two things wrong with that philosophy. 1) What a kid really wants is a father, and 2) money can’t buy back time.
Trust me, spend time with your kid.
Muckaway:
Kids. I did stupid hours for fairly good money when on the flour. Only averaged a night out roughly every fortnight and this was scheduled but it still felt I was missing out on my son. Mrs Muckaway fell pregnant with our daughter and this coupled with a nagging back problem and probably the best tipper job you could get was offered to me, I took a slight pay cut. Looking back there was no way I could’ve coped with the sleepless nights and getting up at 3am.
I’m currently seeing what effects divorcing a lazy spiteful ■■■■■ has on you and the family as my BIL’s going through a divorce now. He’s been accused of emotional abuse and his wife is living in a refuge in Slough with the two sons, has an exclusion order of 5 miles on him, yet she comes to the village where he lives when he has the kids to stay with friends (so she can’t feel that threatened by him). She’s Czech so she naturally uses the “poor foreign girl” routine and a touch of human rights bs to get her own way.
They use the refuge to get housed quicker, using lies and false allegations to do it
Thanks for the support guys not sure I can continue like this though, exhausted beyond belief, it’s costing me £15,000 in costs and lost wages to see my kid and then I have to try and earn at least that again just to pay the day to day living costs, no life of my own…
Just texted the ■■■■■ ex and said be down in the morning to collect little one, reply “sorry won’t be home until midday” , texted back that it would have to be 10 am the latest and await the reply. So she is out on the ■■■■ and my kid is left ■■■■ knows where obviously somewhere dodgy else she would say pick her up there.
So I have made the decision if I don’t get her tomorrow at 10am that’s it
I drive too many miles every week just to scrape by I am fed up of having to do the same to see my kid…
Oh by the way the Courts ordered her to drive halfway but she miraculously couldn’t afford a car then, she is now on her second new car in 4 years since that perjury
Been there too, mate. I fought and fought for over two years over fair access to my (then) little girl, only to be let down time and time again by my useless solicitor and feeble courts. I tried absolutely everything i could until it pushed me to the very edge of a serious emotional meltdown. Like you, i covered hundreds of miles on a regular basis, only to be ■■■■■■ around by the monster that had previously been my loving partner. Also like you, many thousands of pounds later, i had achieved absolutely nothing, and for the sake of my sanity, i took the extremely painful decision to set about rebuilding my shattered personal life without my lovely little daughter. I could write pages listing the nasty, lying, plain disgraceful things she did and said to block me out, but it`d be all-too-familiar to you by the sound of it. Sadly there are some things that happen in life that you are utterly unable to influence or change.
The pain of it has now healed, but i could never find it in my heart to forgive her for how she so spitefully caused me such intense stress and anguish. I wish you all the very best
I don’t envy your position. It sounds like you have the ■■■■■■ end of the stick.
When our eldest was young, I only saw her on Saturday afternoon, and Sunday. As she was in bed when I left for work each day, and back in bed by the time I returned late that night. This made life really difficult for my wife, but I was doing what we thought was the right thing. She wanted for nothing, and we could give her everything she wanted. That’s what we all want for our kids, isn’t it?
Then one night sitting trying to stay awake watching the tv, it dawned on both of us we had it all wrong. What a child wants, and what a child needs, are often very different things. As a result, there was a complete change in mindset. I ensured the family was provided for, but we made sure we had time for each other. I wouldn’t say it was easy by any stretch, but it was certainly worth it.
Good luck for the future, which ever route it takes. If you choose the right one, you’ll be far happier for it.
