christ there must be lots of perfect lorry drivers out there, on 16 posts and about 3 of them are mine 
come on lads donāt be bashful, we wonāt laugh, well we will actually 
been there done it wore the grease ā ā ā ā blood and sweat 
i managed to wreck a forklift once. ran out of gas and had to take the tank off to fill it up and never noticed i knocked the top off the rad when i put it back on and boiled the thing. totaly wknanekd. engine gave a bang and that was it. oohhh well such is life 
388 poeple have read this thread and only about 7 0f us have fukced up 
mmmmmmmmmm maybe should have taken that job as a ā ā ā ā star when i was offered. 
jimmy m:
388 poeple have read this thread and only about 7 0f us have fukced up
Jimmy I could add a few more, but was giving everyone else a chance, Iāve helped a few blokes out over the years when theyāve had blonde moments so I know itās not just me & you making a balls up of it 
Iāve seen drivers reverse into meat rail & hanging garment gantrys with their doors closed, that really messes things up, seen a bloke hand a hose through a window to a bloke in a brown overalls in a mental hospital, the bloke gave the thumbs up & said it was hooked up to the tank & on hearing that, proceeded to pump 22000ltrs of heating oil into the gymnasium, he looked a lot like my Dad, the driver not the nutter, althoughā¦
I know of more than a few drivers who have had a whack or broken down when theyāve sneaked the unit home, or worse gone off route for some reason, usually a bird
So as Jimmy says, come on you lot, give us a laugh
laughed at that newmercman. i went to a not a loony bin coz u canāt say that but a hospital for mentaly upset folk and they used to come out and they would unload the lorry for you. well one day they have done the biz and some of them really scared the ā ā ā ā out of me,weeeiiiirrrrdddddd or what, not their fault though 
so Ive gone to get notes signed by someone in charge and ive opended a pair of swing doors at the exact same time as one of them poor buggers has, and he screamed and I screamed and I think we both must have ā ā ā ā our selfs. another driver went there, got the inmates to unload him, got into cab and one of the inmates was sitting in his cab eating his sandwiches. donāt know if itās true or not, but one guy reckoned he got back to the yard with one of the escapees in the back of the motor he didnāt know what day it was (the escapee from the bin)
newmercman.add them all mate, at least you and I know we arenāt perfect. christ Ive made a few ā ā ā ā ups and not ashamed to say so either. gives you a laugh and they are insured change the few ā ā ā ā ups for MORE than a few
a mate of mine was on heating fuel and told to deliver to this house. he found a coupling, hooked up and pumped the lot into their swimming pool
whats with the hanging meat and garment railsā¦donāt understand, never done it
A mate of mine on a fiddle dropped his loaded tank on a snow covered pub car park, didnāt notice the cellar doors under the snow when he pulled out the tank dropped into the cellar, added a bit of extra acid to the bitter lemon that week, he got the sack for that but reinstated six months later a few years later became part of the management team that bought the company.
Having spent many years working Fearns & Lambsons to have a puncture or blowout was so simple just get on the phone ATS get it mended & on yer way ASAP, well on my third trip for the new company Norman Lewis i was bound for Hamburg got as far as Arnhem had the blowout called out the tyre firm they came took away the the wheel for a new tyre took them about six Hrs, On my way whilst tipping in Hamburg i thought i would check the wheel studs as i walked down the side of the tank i could see not one but two spare wheels slung underneath, just another day at the office lots more to come Cheers Mel
jimmy m:
whats with the hanging meat and garment railsā¦donāt understand, never done it
To load either in some places you have an RSJ with a track on it sticking out of the loading door, you back up so that itās just inside the back of the trailer & the loaders hump the stuff off the rail & onto your trailer rails, in some places it sticks out 4ft or so, makes a right mess of your back doors if theyāre still closed
fodenway:
As i got down from the cab of the old Leyland Mastiff unit, the fitter had a dig about me taking so long heād have to change his address for the poll tax and said he wanted such-and-such trailer for service but that heād get it himself 'cos it would be quicker. It was summer, and if you remember, Mastiffs sometimes had a drop-glass in the back of the cab - well, this one did, and it was down. Mr Impatient dropped the legs, turned off the taps, pulled the susies and the pin and set off. Once he got clear of the trailer and had turned to go up to the garage, for some reason he looked back over his left shoulder, and thatās when the black and greasy end of the red line, which had just been dragged over the fifth wheel, snaked in through the open window and wrapped round his head. Laugh? I nearly started smoking! His neck, shoulder, hair and face was smeared with the stuff, and Iām sure you know how hard it is to get cleaned up afterwards. I had to ask him if thatās how he had been taught, 'cos nobody had shown me that way . I think he replied in Russian, 'cos it ended in āoffā anyway.
An absolute corker!!!
My missus (thai) has just come into the room wondering why Iām laughing all on my own.
Years ago my mateās dad used to repair wooden beer crates for Bass Charringtons. I did a bit for him for a while. He had a little TK Bedford to take the repaired crates to the breweryās yard in Hackney and to collect the broken ones. His driver was very unreliable and one day when he hadnāt turned up for work again, my mateās dad asked if I could drive the truck to the brewery. Although Iād never driven a lorry before, I said that I would have a go (before class 1, 2 and 3 licences). He told me that the handbrake cable was broken and to just leave it in gear whilst loading in Bass Charringtonās yardā¦Iām getting the cable fixed tomorrow. I stood and watched the loading and all was OK whilst the forklift was loading from the side but then he went round to the back of the vehicle to āpushā the pallets up tightly which set the vehicle off across the yard in a jerking motion and it ended up careering into a stack of beer about four pallets high which came crashing down. There was beer and broken glass everywhere! I did not say anything about the broken handbrake.
I have made many blunders ,but this one that happened to me through no fault of my own. I had loaded in Greenock at IBM for IBM Madrid. IBM used to load us ,put the papers in the rear of the trailer and then seal the TIR cord and seal the rear doors. I arrived at IBM Madrid where we used to clear on site, the customs official broke the seal,took the papers out and put them on a pick up truck along aside the trailer, he then spotted a friend of his so walked away to have a chat with him,mean while the driver of the truck started to drive off with the papers still in its rear, I shouted to the customs officer but he just gestured to me to wait . After his chat he came back only to find the papers and truck gone, he said that I should have told him to which I replied I tried to but you gestured me to wait. Then the problems started (for him ) ,this was the days when the Spanish customs would not accept a fax and there were no email pdf files then. The only solution they could come up with was duplicate papers would have to be sent down with the next trailer due in 10 days time,I mentioned the demurrage would be quite costly,they said they would contact the owner of the tractor unit, I then explained the unit although in GBE,s colours was mine and I would settle for 20000 pesetas a day, I have forgotten what I actually got ,but remember that it was quite satisfactory. 10 days later I was on the move again.When I was back there a month or so later there was a different customs man there.
lovely stories thought I was the only one who did stupid things I was a butcher for years before I went driving and I worked for a meat firm in islington north london (up the gunners) well we did hospital contracts and I did some driving for them we did a big mental hospital in colchester or chelsford in essex this place had a meat bread and milk dept all in a big square yard and some of the patients helped us unload although they would carry a quarter of beef into the fridge and just drop it on the floor not put it up on the hooks, I went there one day and one of them was going mad in the square and was smashing loads of milk bottles till the heavy mob arrived and took him away we were told there not to leave the keys in our motors when I was tipped there I used to floor out very spooky place , I drove a bedford J type to this hospital I was about 20 and reversing hanging out the drivers door as I had seen my dad do many times giving it large I suppose I was doing well but did not notice low metal post it bent the drivers door up like a peice of paper got right b------ing for that, remember dropping a trailer in a yard in the 80s and I always had a routine when I did this but someone stop me and asked for directions which ruined the old routine I had wound the legs down pulled the but missed the suzie and air lines as I was pulling away something my brain was telling me to look round when I did its amazing how long those air lines will go saved the day though stopped in the nick of time lovely site this one love all these stories cheers fred
2o Years ago I loaded weekly for Omnimeats, Ranst, Nr Antwerp with Hanging Meat. used to arrive around 4am Monday Morning Knackered
so I used to sleep in the drivers seat outside the gate till they turned up for Work.
Really good bunch of guys they were, I pulled in reversed and went to sleep while they tipped me. Usually they would knock me up
but on this day I woke up and couldnt get back to sleep, so jumped in drivers seat with a coffee and cig and watched the guys rushing around
all the banging and clattering had stopped and one of the Lads I used to see regular walked by the cab and gave me the thumbs up so I started
the truck up and pulled forward to Hysterical screams and a lot of noises from groaning metal as the unloading bay was still fastened to the meat rails on the fridge roof.
All hell broke lose and the boss said what the fā¦ you doing pulling away, I answered he gave me the thumbs up I thought I was empty (in my half asleep state)
the boss said who gave You the thumbs up and I had to point Him out, The boss sacked him on the spot, The guy protested saying he was only asking if I was OK. I felt as Guilty as Hell and pleaded with the Boss to give the guy his job back and admitted it was all my fault eventually he saw sense and agreed to give him his job back.
Every Monday after that they parked the forklift truck in front of my truck till i was empty and ready to go, total damage bill in sterling was Ā£8350.00 oops
Regards
DM46
if you count dropping 7500 lts of diesel into a 30,000 ltr tank of unleaded and 7500 lts of unleaded into a 40,000 ltr tank of diesel then i suppose you could say i have dropped a small blunder now and then. 
Hereās a swivel chair ā ā ā ā up just one of many I know, I had just tipped in Cherbourg rang in for a return load, reload Ludwigshafen for Manchester, half way over passed Posh John another Norman Lewis Tanker, Heād tipped Ludwigshafen & on his way to Cherbourg to reload home for Manchester, this blunder was all done from the swivel chair. Cheers Mel
Years ago, I used to use a yard where the old workshops were eventually knocked down to create more parking space.
Arriving in the yard about 02.00 one morning, I backed into the only available space, which was in the newly tarmacced area.
Knowing that the trailer was particularly front heavy, I was impressed to find that there was a reinforced concrete strip where
the legs would stand.
After dropping the trailer, and just on my way out of the exit (taking the unit home), I heard a rumble and bang, and looking
back over my shoulder, saw the trailer drop on its nose.
The concrete strip turned-out to be where the old inspection pit had been loosely filled with rubble and lightly covered with
concrete. All the other trailers parked on it were empties.
The following morning, with the help of a JCB and 2 āpast their bestā wreckers, we managed to lift it out.
Fortunately, there was no un-disguisable damage to the trailer, and word soon got round not to drop loaded trailers at that
end of the yard!
This was not my blunder thankfully, but when I was working for Dobbs of Eastbourne we had a driver known a Irish Billy, smashing fella, a right laugh too. He was given a load of plastics to Brentford, Middlesex, but misread it as BRETford, which is near Coventry! Apparently he was asking the villagers where the plastics factory was, until an old boy pointed out his mistake!! Only about 250 miles extra on the round trip!! Mr Dobbs not a happy chappyā¦
This one WAS mine though. I was picking up my motor out the yard, which was on a slope facing downwards. Someone had banged the unit under my trailer, but not connected up the susies. I started her up, hopped onto the catwalk, connected the airlines etc, jumped down then realized the truck was gathering a bit of speed towards the barn!! A quick leap onto the step, open the door and stick the handbrake on smartish!!It stopped a couple of feet from the doors of the barn. Lesson learnt, make sure the handbrake is on and double check anyones work!! I never did tell the guvānor
Regards,
Mark.
Hi Mark, reminds me of one i saw on Toddington services about 1978 in them days the car park was a bit steeper than it is now, i was parked up for the night at the side of me was an Esso aviation fuel tanker, about 9-30 a unit back under coupled up knocked of the trailer break & off it went down the lorry park at a fair old pace & smashed into the back of another truck,
what a mess all the front smashed in the rad busted all the lights & windscreen out, talking to the driver after he told me he had been broke down all day & had just come back from having a new rad fitted, after a coffee he phoned his boss who sacked him over the phone, told him to leave it there & make his own way home. Cheers Mel
Hiya this was not me(mine will consist of a pile of house bricks no a bad bend iāam trying to think which bricks was on which bend)Anyhowe iāam at ST Reiges
paper(next to m5 nr Taunton DEVON youāve all see it)I was sitting there in my 9 year old 4 wheeler Bedford KM when this shiney new Green and Yellow F10
pulled into the yard It had come from Leeds.The driver asked how long would i be, only two pallets mate, will it take long, no mate open your curtains.iāam putting a mistake right another chap droped these at the other mill across townā¦ THIS IS DEVON MILL ISāNT IT he asked sharply!!! Noā¦ i replied
Devon mill is atā¦ Dover.Donāt be daft he said and asked the fork truck driver OHā¦NO he said and snached the trailer curtains closed I felt sorry and helped him.slamā¦ revā¦ whoooosh off he sped BANG just blown a tyre off on the edge a girderā¦Bad day or what
John