Gotta confess I can’t think of any major disasters on my part to compete with the above. I’ve had my fair share of minor ■■■■ ups though.
I did feel for the Italian driver who stopped me in my home town of Malton in North Yorkshire some years ago asking for directions.
He was looking for Malton Road, Slough 
I still wonder where he had shipped in to. If it was Hull or Newcastle then it was only a minor ■■■■ up, if it was Dover well…
I asked the other Punchards to go load some stone at Rowsley which was a regular job ,for some reason the driver went to a Rowsley in ■■■■■■■ which I didn’t even knew existed 
or did they go to Rosley ?
Lawrence Dunbar:
Retired Old ■■■■:
I was a bit more careful after that.
:And so you should be ROF You naughtey boy
O.K. thanks, Larry. Still vertical & breathing which comes as something of a surprise, given the life I’ve led! Hope you & yours are as good.
Load of frag on for Parkgate steel works (I think). Weighed off then downhill to the frag heaps. There 10/12 in long rows, you went down the 3or 4th row to the load checker then tipped n away. It was a lovely summers day but down on the tip it was fogged up, the steam was coming off the frag. Well when I got a few yards down the road visibility was 6ft, I kid you not, I was doing about 2mph n ■■■■■■■■. Thought this is not good could end up running up the rrrs of someone or someone up mine. Best to pull off park n find the checkers shed. Pulled over walked for a while then thought I was lost. I was! No good heading off anywhere cos I couldn’t find me motor, so stood n smoked a couple of ■■■■. 20mins later the fog lifted n I found I was parked in the middle of nowhere. So glad it weren’t an all dayer that would have took a bit of explaining away
What is the biggest blunder that you have made at work. Mine was leaving Merehead quarry in Somerset in the sixties driving a Commer two stroke tanker after unloading hot tar. Driving out I reached down to see if I had put the pto out of gear and pulled the wrong lever with the result that the Scammell quick release coupling did just that and the trailer slid back down the ramps. The locking mechanism used to wear on these couplings and when we dropped them you had to let them part way down the and ramps and then get underneath and shake them until you heard them lock. This didn,t happen this day and when the coupling wheels hit the ground they folded up and the trailer went down on its knees.I think that was the term used. I got the chap driving a big loading shovel to lift the front of the trailer and I managed to block the wheels and get it coupled up again.
Later in my petrol tanker days at Avonmouth a driver came in on an early start but had forgotten his glasses.He could make out a long name begining with B on his paperwork so he went to Barnstaple.It should have been Basingstoke, not one of our usual drops.
We had to shift petrol from a one man and his dog type place in South Wales and one driver arrived there without a key to open the manlids so had to return empty. We were not supposed to carry a key to open manlids but most of us did and you could also use a thin screwdriver to unlock one type of lid.
For a while we had trailers where the the delivery pipes were stored in lockers with hinged lids and one driver loaded and when he got to the delivery point in Dorset he soon found out that the lockers were empty
we used to do a drop n swap at a factory in folkestone. where they loaded trailer there was only one space so you had to drop m/t in car park which was on a steep slope running to london/dover railway line. then drag loaded out, drop it next to it, you lads know the score. we had just got the first of the actroses n ive dropped m/t and brought loaded down hill to car park with suspension raised so i didnt have to wind legs. spun trailer round in car park, shunted it with its arse pointing to railway. now I know im going to get no sympathy here, and I KNOW it was my own stupid fault, but i got out cab and 1st thing I done was pulled the pin!! trailer came off that 5th wheel like a greyhound out a trap, and slid on the legs as it was fully frieghted. the only thing that saved me was there was a large kerb stone at the edge of the car park and the bugger hit it and bounced, but stopped with a bang. the red line could have stretched from dover to london and back. i looked in the back thinking the load must be shot as it was loads of small bottles/packs of pharmacutecals, but not too much damamge was done. if not for that kerb that trailer would have been doing an impersonation of a freight train. Lesson learned.
Trailers are favourite so it seems, well heres a tale from long ago.
The firm was subbing for another local haulier, loaded out to Germany, with a reload of paper back from Zwolle Holland. now this other local hauliers TM was a pric…priceless chap, when I phoned after doing customs at Breda he said ‘jog on i need that load tipping tomorrow morning in Hemel Hempstead’, as it was eight o clock at night in Breda, I told him to go forth and multiply.
Overslept that night and didnt arrive until late afternoon in Hemel, hence it was late getting subbies trailer back to his yard. The yard was a rough old farm up a lane, it was snowing like the clappers, dark and blinking freezing. Couldnt find the padlock key for the gate under the brick where it usually was for ages. i missed it in the dark until finally finding it under a lump of concrete by a fencepost. I backed the trailer in and went to drop it in front of another trailer up on trestles in front of the workshop as per the pric…priceless gents earlier instructions.
But I done what ‘jimmy m’ done, pulled the pin while on a slope, watched horrified as the trailer slid off, knocked the trailer on trestles over that in turn burst through the workshop doors To make things worse, I ran around the outside of the fallen trailer only to fall headfirst into what used to be the old workshops inspection pit. This was full of snow, ice and oily water. I emerged from the icy gloop looking like some demented banshee, I swear to this day that if anyone could have seen me i must have looked like a smaller version of the incredible hulk, red eyes and slightly green in hue staring at the dark moonless sky with a scream that could curdle milk from five hundred yards away.
Yes you learn your lessons harshly in this game 
My mate forgot that the only meter NOT calibrated in litres was for white spirit at Lindsey Oil Refinery,Killingholme,aroumd 1978 it was.He punched 5000 litres into a gallon calibrated meter in stead of 1100 galls and had the cleanest tank in UK when it came over t’top. 
I forgot to take the earthing lead off my tank at British Celanese Spondon and pulled the loading gantry down and next week my mate above did the same
my mate dragged a fully loaded brand new trailer about 600 yds with the parking brake on still don’t know how he managed it. it wasn’t our trailer and firm had to put 6 new tyres on it. mind you it WAS dark and he never seen smoke 
jimmy m:
my mate dragged a fully loaded brand new trailer about 600 yds with the parking brake on
One of our drivers came in the yard at Maltby loaded from Ashton via Woodhead front brakes on unit stinking,and told me “t’brakes are crap on this lot and I’m booking t’lot off”.
A quick look round the back revealed a yellow airline draped on the cat walk as well a a 7-pin light suzie.Fog suzie was plugged in though - well it was July
Which one to choose
Well the first one was in my pre artic days, D had a D800 box that had a small rear tailgate & a roller shutter, the shutter was the small slat type & the runners were buggered from being caught by forklifts etc, because of this, once it went up at the 1st drop it stayed up until I was on the way home again, on this particular day I was delivering pallets of jam, at a drop in the countryside of Surrey I put my pallet truck under one of the pallets & pumped it a few times to stop it rolling out, I latched the tailgate & off I went, at the next junction I pulled away & heard a rumbling noise & then a crash, I looked in the mirror & saw my pallet truck & a pallet of jam laying in the middle of the road, oh dear not good, the jam jars were totalled, i doubt there were any that weren’t cracked so I threw the lot over the hedge, picked up my now empty pallet & pallet truck, managed to get them in the back again, pulled the shutter down to keep the tailgate from flapping around & got the hell out of Dodge, I signed the note for the missing pallet of jam myself & nothing was ever said about it, lucky.
The next one saw me well & truly captured, I had a new, to me, 2033 Merc & when I went out for the first time in it I got to the factory where my preloaded trailer was, banged under the trailer & found my suzies wrapped around the prop, red faced I went back to the yard & got it sorted, with new suzies safely stowed I set off again, this time I managed to get there in one piece, my trailer was parked next to a wall, I went under it & decided to set my sliding 5th wheel, in the days before air suspension moving a slider was a real pain & it took ages to get the pins located, I was in & out of the cab twenty times, eventually I got it sorted & put the dog clips on, wound up the legs, plugged in the suzies & turned on the taps, then I noticed the prop turning, I’d forgotten the handbrake in the unit, now I didn’t panic & jump off, I just yanked the red line & it stopped, wow that was lucky I thought, wrong, the drivers door had caught the wall & was now bent round 180 degrees, I ended up going back to the yard with the door tied to the grab handle & even with a double dolly it still had a gap big enough that I didn’t need to open it to get in or out, the guvnor was not impressed at all with this & I learned a few new swear words that day
liked that newmercman shouldn’t laugh but I can just imagine your door been there mate… you feel a right ■■■ when it’s your fault, but as I always say the office staff cant do a lot of ■■■■ ups to a swivle chair mind you 
we had a guy in our yard banged under trailer (well HE thought he had but had put pin over front of fifth wheel! mind you, I’ve done that but known I’ve done it and sorted it. anyway he’s hooked up, done legs etc pulled out and when he turned the pin slid round the 5th wheel and put the trailer on it’s side. he was put off site(agency) for not putting dog clip on. 
another guy hooked up to one of our trailers which were all parked at an angle and the usual way out was to turn left, but on this occasion a blind man could see you couldn’t as arse end of trailer wouldn’t clear one to right of it. i was shunting and saw him pull forward and thought well he’s got to go right after he’s well forward. nope. i couldnt believe when he pulled forward about 15feet and gave it full l/h lock ripping the side out a brand new trailer that didnt even belong to us
aye mercman, done the bit with the pump truck you just take it enough for forks to grip pallet. never had one out the back but yep opened up back and it looked like the pallet and the truck had been having a dance 
ddoooaaaahhhhh! anyone who says they aint fukced up is a liar
Dropped an ejector trailer in a rush wound legs disconected susies pulled 5th weel drove off but forgot to disconnect the hydraulic pipes. Luckily didnt burst the pipes just bent the exhaust and frame that held the stack and pipes in place.
Very funny all of them.
Two come to mind for me;
Many years ago was doing liquid fertilizer in tanks - load one take to spreader driver, pick up empty and refill etc.
Coming back mid afternoon with a tank loaded with 24 tonnes of liquid, spreader driver is parked at the end of a farm track and signals me to follow - so stupid me follows him into a very muddy lane - I got part way down and came to a halt - spreader lad jumps out and says no worries just drop it there and I will pull you out. Started to drop tank onto the sleepers we carried and as I pulled out it slid off the 5th wheel onto frame rails and ended up with the outer wheels off the ground. After much swearing two tractors, one Unimog and a dolly we extracted me and the tank when emptied.
Went with a fridge to load at the local chip factory - the yard was very full and being young I was in a rush, spun the whole rig round not noticing the low wall the underrun bar hooked over the wall and down it all came, yard man said not to worry and just pushed it back up with the fork lift and we then blamed someone else when they caught it.
Does telling the bloke who signed my notes that i wouldn’t mind having a go at the nice young lady in reception only to be told that’s the bosses daughter. Good job he didn’t hear that then i replied to which he says " I am the Boss"
Notes hat coat and a quick exit
I started my driving days as a yard shunter for a textile firm. The yard was fairly big, but had an odd layout and a lot of trailer movements through the day. At that time, we had a mixture of 36 and 40 foot vans and curtainsiders and drawbar demountable curtainsiders. The old boy I was due to take over from was pleased with my progress, and left me to park a loaded 40’ curtain on my own whilst he went for a brew and a ■■■. This trailer was already about ten feet wide in the middle where the load had bellied out, but I coupled up, pulled out of the loading bay and took it carefully through the other traffic in the yard, turned it and slotted it very neatly in between two other loaded trailers ready for running out later on.
As i got down from the cab of the old Leyland Mastiff unit, the fitter had a dig about me taking so long he’d have to change his address for the poll tax and said he wanted such-and-such trailer for service but that he’d get it himself 'cos it would be quicker. It was summer, and if you remember, Mastiffs sometimes had a drop-glass in the back of the cab - well, this one did, and it was down. Mr Impatient dropped the legs, turned off the taps, pulled the susies and the pin and set off. Once he got clear of the trailer and had turned to go up to the garage, for some reason he looked back over his left shoulder, and that’s when the black and greasy end of the red line, which had just been dragged over the fifth wheel, snaked in through the open window and wrapped round his head. Laugh? I nearly started smoking! His neck, shoulder, hair and face was smeared with the stuff, and I’m sure you know how hard it is to get cleaned up afterwards. I had to ask him if that’s how he had been taught, 'cos nobody had shown me that way . I think he replied in Russian, 'cos it ended in “off” anyway.
When I saw the title of this thread I thought to myself, this is going to be one of the best, my second thought was hell I could fill the first hundred pages or so, I am sure in all honesty we have all had more than just the one blunder or even been involved in someone else’s blunder’s
The one I will start with was after tipping a load of mix sulphuric & hydrochloric acid one Saturday morning in Birmingham, when the tank was empty I used to let the pressure drop by letting it blow through the line but in this case there was so much fume from the mix I had to shut it off.
Lucky me it was a misty day so I just cracked the pressure release valve quarter of a turn, got back home where I used to park up & the fumes was still whisping away into the mist, I dropped the tank & went to wash down the unit at home about ¾ of a mile away. Just finished washing down I went in for a coffee the phone was ringing away, well always having fun with my mates I would answer Hello Battersea Dogs Home, Sheffield Maternity Hospital or even Hello South Yorkshire Police, well on that day I used the last one & it went like this,
Hello South Yorkshire Police ‘’police man’’ Hello this is South Yorkshire Police, I said no this is South Yorkshire Police
The police man then said this South Yorkshire Police is that Mr H…… who parks his tanker near to the Travellers pub
I said ok yes it is, he said can you go back there as it is leaking, can’t be I said it’s empty, his reply was you better go round & sort it out.
Jumped into the unit got back to J35 M1 roundabout , from the roundabout to the Travellers is about 200 yds main road & 300yds up a private road, there was at least a dozen police car & three fire engines all with lights flashing one of the fire engines was hosing down the tank all the firemen had full chemical suits on so when I pulled up I put mine on too,
After telling them the tank was empty they turned the water off I went up the ladder with a fire man cracked open the lid to show him an empty tank as we came off the tank the chief fire office turned up fortunately for me this guy was someone who was a fireman who I used to play table tennis with at a fire station about fifteen years beforehand, as we were talking the police man in charge came over & said to the fire office what are we going to do, Dave the fire office said the tanks empty its fish n chip time we are off the police man said well if you’re off we are off , in less than a minute I was left stood there on my own.
1967 sat morning we used to come in to wash lorrys till 12noon.called in traffic office for next weeks work.plum job come in sunday morning tr loaded 15 ton of licorice allsorts from bassets .sun am coupled up usual checks etc 4 in line brokhouse tr set off a38 -m5 south a real flyer erf perkins 6.354 but four in lines wander all over the road got to end of m5 just before bristol &i could hear bangin noise pulled up kicked tyres could find nothing back onto a38 but noise getting worse just before bridgewater found out inside wheel nuts shearing off .there was a small hotel went in got permision to drop my tr on the car park.i drove down to woods north petherton to overnight .got up next morning should have known it was going to be a bad day when my nightout case bust open at the top of the stairs.rang base to tell the bad news.jumped in to unit solo back to my tr .my first site of it was the sloping top.the tr had sunk through the tarmac . met by irate hotel owner who said it was only tarmacedlast week (boys from the blackstuff)no foundation.took all day monday getting it up & back on the tractor.waited for a wheel for the tr tu wed thur fri two came one from brokhouse west brom & one from greens. tipped exeter & home friday.when i got back i was asked why i hadnt checked wheel nuts i replied i was in yard all sat. morning but i wasnt told i was doin job till i was going home turned out i was 3rd choice -alan 
Pulled a tilt from Madrid to Gijon (first drop) only to find i had the correct paperwork but wrong trailer…oh ■■■■…