Women! bless them

[wheel_nut]

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up - put it down. When you have finished, put it up again

3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.

4. Sometimes we’re not thinking about you. Accept it.

5. Get rid of your cat.

6. Sunday = Sports.

7. Anything you wear is fine - really.

8. Women wearing wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their ■■■■■ stared at.

9. You have too many shoes.

10. Crying is blackmail.

11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.

12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

13. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point-blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.

14. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers.

15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

16. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.

17. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

18. If you don’t dress like Hollyoaks girls, don’t expect us to act like the soap opera guys.

19. If something we said could be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

20. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

21. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.

22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.

23. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions and neither do we.

24. You have enough clothes.

25. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like ■■■.

[kate_hasler]

For you guys…

1. Don’t ever lie to us, we always find out.

2. We don’t enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.

3. Don’t say you understand when you don’t.

4. You don’t have PMS; don’t act like you know what it’s like.

5. If you talk about having a big ■■■■, we know you don’t.

6. Zit’s happen to everyone. Yes, Mr. Perfect, even to you.

7. A system in your car only impresses your friends.

8. No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a pig.

9. It’s good to be sensitive, sometimes.

10. If you did something wrong, apologize.

11. Be spontaneous, dinner and a movie won’t always cut it.

12. We are self-conscious by nature, we can’t help it.

13. We are drama queens.

14. Don’t ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it.

15. We don’t shave our legs every day, get over it.

16. Don’t make bets about us, we always find out.

17. Don’t compare our breasts with Brittany Spear’s, hers are fake.

18. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.

19. We will always think we are fat so humor us and tell us we aren’t.

20. If you ever beat us in a sport or game, it’s always because you cheated,
    even if you didn’t.

[jammymutt]

Kate Hasler:
For you guys…

5. If you talk about having a big ■■■■, we know you don’t.

HOW?

[kate_hasler]

Jammy,…

Guys that actually HAVE one, don’t feel the need to talk to about it. They’re secure enough with their masculinity without bragging about it all the time. The same can be true about guys with flashy little sports cars… the flashier the car, the smaller the ■■■■. Ya know a guy that has a huge one… he’s comfortable driving a yugo. It’s all about trying to compensate for ‘shortcomings’ lol hahahaha

[dapper_scavenger]

Grr. What is it with men and toilet seats? Have they no aesthetic values?!

[jammymutt]

Kate Hasler:
Jammy,…

Guys that actually HAVE one, don’t feel the need to talk to about it. They’re secure enough with their masculinity without bragging about it all the time. The same can be true about guys with flashy little sports cars… the flashier the car, the smaller the ■■■■. Ya know a guy that has a huge one… he’s comfortable driving a yugo. It’s all about trying to compensate for ‘shortcomings’ lol hahahaha

So with me driving a VW Passat i must just be Mr.average then.

[rob_k]

I drive a van. Surely as un-flash as you can get

[kate_hasler]

jammymutt:

Kate Hasler:
Jammy,…

Guys that actually HAVE one, don’t feel the need to talk to about it. They’re secure enough with their masculinity without bragging about it all the time. The same can be true about guys with flashy little sports cars… the flashier the car, the smaller the ■■■■. Ya know a guy that has a huge one… he’s comfortable driving a yugo. It’s all about trying to compensate for ‘shortcomings’ lol hahahaha

So with me driving a VW Passat i must just be Mr.average then.

LOL average is good. But a VW Passat is a family car… has good implications…

[tartanraider]

Dapper Scavenger:
Grr. What is it with men and toilet seats? Have they no aesthetic values?!

Grrr,what is it with women and loo seats,don’t they realise we have to lift it up after them ?

[rob_k]

tartanraider:

Dapper Scavenger:
Grr. What is it with men and toilet seats? Have they no aesthetic values?!

Grrr,what is it with women and loo seats,don’t they realise we have to lift it up after them ?

Since when . If they can’t be bothered to lift it up then why should we They get more agitated when they’ve got to wipe it clean before they can use it I can assure you . Most with any sense remember to lift it up after that happening a few times as you continue to play dumb… or on the other side of the coin a raging argument ensues about it where you calmly point out that if they lifted it up then they wouldn’t have the problem that we’re arguing about, job done . Then they can’t moan at you for not putting it down because it was already down… See

Whichever way, it’s a win:win situation

[kate_hasler]

Rob K:

tartanraider:

Dapper Scavenger:
Grr. What is it with men and toilet seats? Have they no aesthetic values?!

Grrr,what is it with women and loo seats,don’t they realise we have to lift it up after them ?

Since when . If they can’t be bothered to lift it up then why should we They get more agitated when they’ve got to wipe it clean before they can use it I can assure you . Most with any sense remember to lift it up after that happening a few times as you continue to play dumb… or on the other side of the coin a raging argument ensues about it where you calmly point out that if they lifted it up then they wouldn’t have the problem that we’re arguing about, job done . Then they can’t moan at you for not putting it down because it was already down… See

Whichever way, it’s a win:win situation

“PLAY” dumb■■? hahaha… If… after years of ■■■■■■■ in the toilet, you can’t control your aim, you have a problem. I have a solution for everyone. Lower the lid… that way everybody has lift something, and there’s nothing to argue about.

[dapper_scavenger]

Bah. I train my men well. He knows well the serious consequences of messing up my nice, clean house.

[jammymutt]

I may be unusual amongst most men but i often sit down for a P and read my favourtie mag the same as when i have a tom ■■■.

[rob_k]

jammymutt:
I may be unusual amongst most men but i often sit down for a P and read my favourtie mag the same as when i have a tom ■■■.

Now that’s something I wouldn’t know anything about… honest

[simon]

Dapper Scavenger:
Bah. I train my men well. He knows well the serious consequences of messing up my nice, clean house.

Which training method do you prefer Dapper, the big stick or the carrot

[lostpup]

Dapper Scavenger:
Bah. I train my men well. He knows well the serious consequences of messing up my nice, clean house.

Obviously not that well if you do all the cleaning!

[dapper_scavenger]

I do all the cleaning, but he does all the cooking and ironing.

And I use a bit of both methods. The stick for when he’s bad and the carrot for when he’s good.

[jb]

Ya know a guy that has a huge one… he’s comfortable driving a yugo. It’s all about trying to compensate for ‘shortcomings’ lol hahahaha :lol
note to self “buy a yugo”