Carryfast:
If you’ve got an hour or two to spare I’ll explain it in detail from before the point when it all started to go wrong.
Does the answer contain the word “Thatcher”
A couple of made up ones,
Because I’d have had to travel back in time to get here at the designated time, and I’m not risking a time paradox just so you lot can get your baked beans half hour sooner!
(and for Dr Who fans) Ah yes I can easily explain why I wasn’t here at the designated delivery time, It’s due to that wibbly wobbly timey wimey thing and me not being a Timelord therefore having no control over it!
I’m here all week. (that’ll learn me for not getting here on time)
Why am I late?
Simple… because I spent so long at the last couple of drops trying to explain to the cretins why I was late getting there …
I see someone on here has his name as my excuse… It says ERF not RAF lol
" You’re late driver "
" Yeah, I try to be consistent "
Them: “you’re not booked in.”
Me: Shrug; “Do you want it or not. I don’t mind either way.”
Them: “You’re early/late.”
Me: Shrug. “Sorry about that. Wake me up when you’re ready to tip me/Do you want it?”
The less direct; “Where have you been?” I sometimes started with - “Well; I left the yard at about 9 O’clock; then I went to Sainsbury’s with a 10am delivery… blah blah.” I could keep going with my imaginary day for as long as they could stand it.
For any new drivers, or any new to multi-drop; “Sign and date my notes and print your name to say you refused the delivery” is 99% effective. Telling a reluctant FLT driver to “Wake me up when you are ready,” works almost everytime - embellish with “I am already on time -and-a-half” as appropriate.
When I was desk-jockeying I had a customer phone to shout about a late delivery, I said “Sorry, but that was my fault, I cocked up the times”. He de-pressurised at once… “Oh, no stories about punctures or breakdowns, then?”. Me, “No, sorry”. He then hmmphhed a bit, and we spoke about the next jobs.
Only did that once though.
I was working for a certain steel company outside London, and twice I stopped at filling stations to use the loo and both times they called to ask why I’d stopped. The first time it was a lady who called and when I told her she said I shouldn’t say such things to a lady.
The second time, I’d stopped at the Shell garage on the A4 between Slough and Maidenhead and the boss called. I said I’d stopped to use the loo (male boss this time, not squeamish, not that there’s anything to be squeamish about). He told me not to do it again. I said, “if I don’t need the loo, I won’t”.
Another time, I was doing a HIAB job for Jewson’s around Staines way and I had a drop at the bottom of one of those narrow private roads that you get round there. I went in and had to go away again because they’d loaded someone else’s stuff on top of his. So I came back the next day after making that delivery, and the guy starts demanding I tell him why I didn’t call him (answer is, it’s not my responsibility; he can call the office). After several of these questions, I ask him “where do you want the goods, mate?” and after several more stupid questions, “do you want the goods or don’t you?”.
After two attempts to position the truck so that I can deposit his bulk bags in exactly the right spot, he tells me to clear off because he doesn’t want me on his site. He was that desperate, then.
“You’re late”
“Time is all relative brother. The continuim of the time line of the universe can not be dictated to by 4 numbers on a piece of paper. You must embrace the simplicity of the minutes and hours as mere specks in the grand scheme of the greatest plan of all. The plan of mankind. Do you wish your life and time on this spinning rock to be recorded as staring at four numbers and deciding they do not match your idea of when another person should arrive at the same place on this vast planet as you currently frequent? It is all meaningless yet of vital importance at the same time”
I bet he rolls his eyes and buggers off before you get half way through it
When late for an AM delivery just say "well my paperwork clearly states an afternoon delivery. Look it says after midday right there in big capitol letters AM!
I never apologised for late deliveries, if it was late it was late due to something out of my control.
Faith restored!!!
Truckers got a GSOH too!!!
hahahahahahahaha
some of the answers are evil!!!
hahahahaha
"Phone the number on the side of the lorry & ask to speak to some cut that gives a fuk.
The-Snowman:
“You’re late”
“Time is all relative brother. The continuim of the time line of the universe can not be dictated to by 4 numbers on a piece of paper. You must embrace the simplicity of the minutes and hours as mere specks in the grand scheme of the greatest plan of all. The plan of mankind. Do you wish your life and time on this spinning rock to be recorded as staring at four numbers and deciding they do not match your idea of when another person should arrive at the same place on this vast planet as you currently frequent? It is all meaningless yet of vital importance at the same time”
I bet he rolls his eyes and buggers off before you get half way through it
Now why did I think of …
A lass in our office used to tell one customer that we had had a puncture that many times that he saw the funny side of it in the end and sent 8 bicycle puncture repair kits, 1 for each truck! 
I arrive a lot sooner if you stick your finger up my…
(Think you all know where I’m going with this)
Dipper_Dave:
I arrive a lot sooner if you stick your finger up my…(Think you all know where I’m going with this)
No…
Go on…digress