yourhavingalarf:
The working title for the film…Could be ‘Dozy Does Delays’
younger members may not get that
That’s it, I’m calling him Debbie from now on in… 
Just had an assessment with someone who owns a company worth “in the many hundreds of millions”, he just drives to keep busy. He was also co of the sas but left 6 months before his full pension which has cost him 1800/month but he made that back running companies in the Middle East.
He’s also usually a Porsche man but is currently driving a 53 plate Ford Focus. He doesn’t feel the need to show off.
Yes I did take the ■■■■. And yes he did fail me on the assessment. Should have kept my mouth shut but I couldn’t help it.
BWAHAHA
■■■■■■ loved that one 
I think i´ve met him.
This - you are a bloodly lorry driver for gods sake!
Luke Vernon
Bristol | South West | Wales
Driving (C/D+E) | Photography | Video | Social Media
lukemvernon@gmail.com
lorry-driver.com
twitter.com/LukeVernon
Facebook.com/lorrydriverdotcom
instagram.com/lorrydriverdotcom
xichrisxi:
Was once doubled manned with a agency driver,spent all shift telling me that he was actually a racing driver and raced for Lamborghini,had built his own 6 bed detached house and had a collection of super cars…just did agency driving to keep him in practice for when his driver was off and he had to drive his race truck to races himself,**this guy was about 20 stone too,would of thought that would put his Lamborghini race team at a slight disadvantage to his other competitors,**those more “strealimed” drivers.
I have met a few of what is known in motorsport as “Gentlemen Drivers” who are a tad rotund, have often thought a few Slimfasts would be far most cost effective way to make their car competitive, 
but what the heck they pay the bills so they can be any shape they want. However I’ve yet to meet one who does a bit of agency work now and then for the heck of it. 
When I first started driving I was fortunate enough to spend one of my breaks with an experienced European driver, who amounst the other standard stories of driving in the bad lands of Europe where every trip was a life threatening adventure, told me about stoppng in Mafia run truckstops in Italy where they’d nick your load, but treat you ok if you didn’t kick up a fuss and leave you a box of Champagne as compensation.
neighbour was telling me " just been swimming at the beach,i always set off underwater and the current today is really strong.When i finally surfaced i was out past the pier, then i remembered id tucked a £20 note inside of of the legs of the pier last time i was there.But i couldnt find it at first i was counting 3 from the end when it was 5 ,aw jesus im getting old. Anyway i got it but on the way back i was attacked by a seagull that had a nest on the pier "
A drivers’ mate told me he was a pilot who flew medical planes in Scotland, but preferred to work for Driver Hire for £8/hour.
An even taller story was that my previous job was a “good one.”
no1dieselman:
This - you are a bloodly lorry driver for gods sake!Luke Vernon
Bristol | South West | Wales
Driving (C/D+E) | Photography | Video | Social Media
lukemvernon@gmail.comlorry-driver.com
twitter.com/LukeVernon
Facebook.com/lorrydriverdotcom
instagram.com/lorrydriverdotcom
Is he not allowed hobbies because he drives a truck like, or what? 
I once had a delivery to the Bernard Matthews estate in great witchitam, Norfolk of over a million quids worth of computer equipment. When we got there, there was a sign on the gate “beware of the turkey”. I got out of the back, and started unstrapping. Then, all of a sudden, this MASSIVE 6ft turkey appeared. Like some sort of beast from Jurassic Park, the aggressive turkey started pecking the side of the truck. I grabbed the roller door and yanked it down, save myself. My mate in the cab could fend for himself.
After about an hour, it all went quiet. There was a knock on the roller door and Paul said to me that it was safe to come out. He had got help and they had locked the turkey up. So I opened the door, and was greeted with a welcome sight, the girl that had come out to deal with the turkey was absolutely stunning!!! We chatted for a bit and flirted as we unloaded the computer equipment for the next hour or so. Then it was time to go for our next drop. I decided against asking for her number, it was 200 miles from where I lived and I decided to leave her as a perfect memory.
So we drove to the outer gate to leave and you have to press an intercom to be buzzed out. But the gate was tight for a lorry, it took a bit too long to get out, unfortunately the auto gate closed and the frame of the gate wedged with the wheel nuts, pinning both doors shut. We were trapped! We rang the office who rang the estate, but there was no answer. So we got our heads down for a couple of hours.
We were woken by the sound of a horn. It was a black Range Rover. The driver was Bernard Matthews himself. After he stopped laughing, he let us out 
What a day!
Now, any of you that are reading this, I have to admit… it is total ■■■■■■■■!!!
It’s cobbled together from dreams after too much cheese and some real life experiences. I actually did get jammed in a gate, and I have been to the Bernard Matthews estate. But the truth is, it never happened… coming to an RDC waiting room near you soon 
i once dreamt i was on a winning streak in a las vegas slot machine…
when i woke up the misses had a mouthfull of 50p pieces and a dislocated shoulder…
dieseldog999:
i once dreamt i was on a winning streak in a las vegas slot machine…
when i woke up the misses had a mouthfull of 50p pieces and a dislocated shoulder…
Lmao, heard that one before but still made me laugh
Travellers’ tales was, maybe still is, a tradition in Australia. Perhaps it is lonely people who like to make the most of occasional meetings with others, like lorry drivers and swagmen, that causes it.
When I lived there there was a magazine which had a regular feature called ‘Come in Spinner’. Some of the stories were hilarious, not sure they were all expected to be believed though. Like:
‘Did y’ever hear the tale of Bullocky Bill who carried a cow on his shoulders up the slippery bank of Stringybark Creek?’
‘Yep’.
‘Well I was the bloke carrying Bullocky Bill’.
When I got home to England I wanted to subscribe to this magazine just for the tall stories, but couldn’t remember the title. Neither could anyone else I knew. 
jbaz73:
dieseldog999:
i once dreamt i was on a winning streak in a las vegas slot machine…
when i woke up the misses had a mouthfull of 50p pieces and a dislocated shoulder…Lmao, heard that one before but still made me laugh
^^^^^^^^
well the oldies are sometimes the best,but i had to go to the doctors for one particulary distressing recurring dream where i was parked up in the reeperbahn and was constantly having to push all the prozzys away from me so i could walk down herbertstraze in peace.
when he asked me specifically what i made the appointment for a dream,i had to tell him it was so he could break my arms.
jbaz73:
…Then, all of a sudden, this MASSIVE 6ft turkey appeared.
…the girl that had come out to deal with the turkey was absolutely stunning!!!Now, any of you that are reading this, I have to admit… it is total ■■■■■■■■!!!
Having worked there, I was willing to believe you until the bit about the Girl being stunning,
dieseldog999:
jbaz73:
dieseldog999:
i once dreamt i was on a winning streak in a las vegas slot machine…
when i woke up the misses had a mouthfull of 50p pieces and a dislocated shoulder…Lmao, heard that one before but still made me laugh
^^^^^^^^
well the oldies are sometimes the best,but i had to go to the doctors for one particulary distressing recurring dream where i was parked up in the reeperbahn and was constantly having to push all the prozzys away from me so i could walk down herbertstraze in peace.
when he asked me specifically what i made the appointment for a dream,i had to tell him it was so he could break my arms.
Don’t need to go abroad for that. Just a night out in the industrial estates of Northampton, or a visit to the goose fair at Hyson green.
muckles:
jbaz73:
…Then, all of a sudden, this MASSIVE 6ft turkey appeared.
…the girl that had come out to deal with the turkey was absolutely stunning!!!Now, any of you that are reading this, I have to admit… it is total ■■■■■■■■!!!
Having worked there, I was willing to believe you until the bit about the Girl being stunning,
I did say that I stitched it together from dreams, daydreams and bending the truth of what actually happened.
it was a dream…
anytime i feel like a bit of variety in my ■■■ life,then i just get the misses to wear cheap perfume,and drink a mouthfull of gin,after i turn off the light,then with a bit of imagination,its a quick rumble with some old slapper from the grab a granny night…win win…
dieseldog999:
it was a dream…
anytime i feel like a bit of variety in my ■■■ life,then i just get the misses to wear cheap perfume,and drink a mouthfull of gin,after i turn off the light,then with a bit of imagination,its a quick rumble with some old slapper from the grab a granny night…win win…
I like your logic 
I’m writing all this down in my little notebook lol