Here we go again…I’m knackered so will hold fire on mine for now as they involve Mercedes trucks and I need to be in full ranting mode to do them justice! 
Was going to hold off posting the thread until tomorrow, but Montana Man has complained about it’s absence…So here you go, take it away Ian…!!! 
I learnt that woman really neeed a prod to make em do what they promise 
Come on lads you’re all with me on this one 
Just when i was on a contract i liked my boss changed the goalposts again, Meant i did not get home Friday!
That contacting the “powers that be” on this site is a good idea BEFORE posting something that borders on breaking site rules 
i learnt that owls dont bounce very well off the front end off a fm12 after eating its last meal on the a303 
still got the feathers hanging out the front of it
also when a pallet as been refused the day before and the load crew put the same pallet back on the truck to go the next day. the blokes at wadsworths aint going to take it then. so resulting in well traveled beer thats took two trips to wiltshire. 
.
a good start to the week will go pear shaped by wednesday 
jon
It’s a good idea to get to grips with the automatic gearbox reverse gear before leaving the depot, especially on an 06 plate that has done 110,000kms and now doesn’t like reversing.
When doing multidrop it’s wise to do the furthest drop first as you’re closer to home if it goes [zb] up later on
Even if the client says you won’t need a sack barrow when it’s reccomended you take one on the paperwork, it’s reccomended you take one just in case!!!
Always take sandwiches, even if you think it will be a “short day”.
You can never have too many load straps
Vending machines are heavy. If they’re going over, don’t try and hold them up. Run Away.
If you don’t think the piano is safe unloading, then find another way (I wasn’t there for the piano 
)
This week I learnt that a ‘moral boosting’ and ‘team building’ corporate day out (water ski-ing) can have the desired effect but not in the way it was intended to.
Everyone (except me) had lots of fun and laughs . . . . . . . . . once they’d seen me wipe-out on a corner and end up smashed in the face by own ski’s. 
Suddenly they weren’t complaining about the cold water, tired arms and water ski-ing being too difficult to be fun, no, they really did discover that some one else’s pain and misery really can get the whole team laughing together.
Me, I’ve got a fat face akin to John Merrick (but at least I didn’t loose any teeth!).
This week I learned that you can stick your team building days out up your arse. 
I s’pose I was enjoying up to that bit.
when the little red light on the fuel gauge is on for 40 miles it wont run on vapour after that!!
lucky for me i keep a can in the back.
This week I learned:
That when the truck won’t start while you are in the queue for the train the tunnel staff are very helpful, and quick, at assisting you. I was at the back of the line so didn’t hold anybody up. The alternator had died so the inhibitor kicked in and prevented the truck from starting, a ■■■■■■ with the wrecker and it started enabling me to drive back round to the parking area.
While being escorted back to the parking area, by driving the full length of one of the platforms then turning the wrong way at the top of the ramp before heading back alongside the queuing trucks and past the scanner, you can see everyone staring at you wondering what you have done wrong.
When Scania send you a text telling you the fitter will arrive at 9:07 they mean it because that is exactly when he arrived. I asked him if it was like a pizza delivery, if he was late we got the repair for nothing but apparently it doesn’t work like that.
The fitter could remove the old alternator and replace it with a new one in less than 30 minutes and I was back in the queue for the train by 9:40.
When the inhibitor prevents the engine starting because the alternator is knackered removing relay RP1 will let you start it.
Breakdowns are good for the wallet as it turned a 13 hour day into a 15 hour one.
So Neil, does that experience improve your thoughts on Scania’s??
marcustandy:
So Neil, does that experience improve your thoughts on Scania’s??
The service was good but the trucks are still crap.
I learned that when your home fridge is full to bursting with the “freebies” I get most days from various food places, dishing them out to the warehouse lads reaps great rewards in making your life even easier
I also learned it’s possible to book 65 hours and be happy to figure out that you spent at least 20 of those napping
Lastly I learned that sometimes the smallest events can really put a smile on your face and refresh your faith in humanity.
event 1 had no cash in pocket and getting peckish driving up a high street I spies a bank so 4 ways on up the curb and sprint to cash machine due to iffy parking . Go to join que and seeing where I came from the whole line of people (5 in total) allowed me up the line to the front
event 2, on 3 or 4 occasions I went under bridges on motorways with kids on them and they didn’t lob things at me but waved and gestured for a toot of the horn
event 3, stuck in traffic due to road closing accident and a young mother is struggling to calm a young baby seeing the babies drink bottle is empty and I figure he is teething I give said mother a chilled unopened bottle of water she thanks me, the baby calms down and traffic suddenly clears.
Forgetting about it I plod along for the rest of the day. Get back to depot and get summoned in to see the BIG boss Apparently the womans hubby called the company to thank the unknown driver turns out she was the sister of one of the big bosses at one of our customers Result, a crisp 20 in my pocket and told to book a full 15 for a 12 hour day
see sometimes everyone is NOT out to get us
I learnt that all my previous prejudices about Mercs are still accurate and that I still hate them because:
They have taken a lovely big cab with a nice chunky and solid feel about it and filled up 35% in one hit by using a piece of my Granny’s old 1930s bedroom furniture as a dash. This is such an obvious failing that when I ring my good friend who has just been dragged out of one kicking and screaming and questioned his taste, all he can say is “Ah, yes. That dash IS a bit of a problem”. A BIT■■?
“Ve are ze Germans and ze know best. No matter vich gear you pre-zelect, ve vill change it to anozer vun and zen, ven it vill not engage becauze it iz totally vong for ze road and engine zpeed, it vill be your fault, and ve vill shoot you.”
“If you try to outvit zis fiendishly zadistic zyztem, and hit ze clutch zast enough to ztop it from changing from ze one you picked, ve will shoot you again vor inzubordination. If you perzizt in argueing, ve vill bleep at you three timez zen dump you into neutral in ze middle of ze road vivout varning, zeb give you ze wrong gear again.” 
You are ze English Pig and ve hav endless vays ov driving you NUTZ!!!"
I also learnt that when you only notice that the driver’s side hub is weeping on your beloved Iveco, because you didn’t think to check the passenger side, Iveco will come out and only fix the passenger side because they didn’t think to check the drivers’. This all round rather spectacular incompetance on the part of both driver and dealership will ensure you have to spend another two hourz in ze German Craptros Wasteofspace whilst they return and try again.
Lastly I learnt that no matter how sweetly you smile, no matter how much you bat your eyelids, no matter how many sob stories you give 'em and no matter how many ■■■■■■ favours you seriously consider promising the Warehouse Manager…if DFS at Weatherby can’t be arsed to tip you until the next day, they will not tip you until they next day. End of.
Lucy:
2. “Ve are ze Germans and ze know best. No matter vich gear you pre-zelect, ve vill change it to anozer vun and zen, ven it vill not engage becauze it iz totally vong for ze road and engine zpeed, it vill be your fault, and ve vill shoot you.”
- “If you try to outvit zis fiendishly zadistic zyztem, and hit ze clutch zast enough to ztop it from changing from ze one you picked, ve will shoot you again vor inzubordination. If you perzizt in argueing, ve vill bleep at you three timez zen dump you into neutral in ze middle of ze road vivout varning, zeb give you ze wrong gear again.”
Now, I’m racking my brain trying to remember where I saw a post (or 10!) pointing out that slagging off a gearbox is usually unjustified unless you know how to use it properly . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . no, it won’t come to me!!
Aye, you’re probably right. In fact you are right. But the presence of the antique dressing table unfortunately removes any desire to live with it long enough to learn…so that’s that then.
I learnt that when you hand your notice in to a company whom were not expecting it, even the MD who normally only manages a polite hello, wants to know why your leaving.
also learnt that jealously is an ugly thing
montana man:
Lastly I learned that sometimes the smallest events can really put a smile on your face and refresh your faith in humanity.
event 1 had no cash in pocket and getting peckish
event 2, on 3 or 4 occasions I went under bridges on motorways with kids on them and they didn’t lob things at me but waved and gestured for a toot of the horn
event 3, stuck in traffic due to road closing accident and a young mother is struggling to calm a young baby
Forgetting about it I plod along for the rest of the day. Get back to depot and get summoned in to see the BIG bosssee sometimes everyone is NOT out to get us
What a beautiful story…it brought a tear to my eye!
I learnt that wick is a REALLY long way away and that i should have taken my cooker ,kettle, pan, food ,drink etc
i also learnt that theres nowhere to park (as in decent truckstop )near wick
i also learnt that £300 running money is not even close to the amount you need when youve only got a 350 ltr tank(we dont have fuel cards)
but most importantlyi learnt that northern scotland is fantastic ,gorgeous and
bloody cold
This week i’ve learned -
when shunting trailers and you need to attatch the red air line (cos there is no air left in it) it is a good idea to remove said airline when you have finished shunting.
how small you feel when said airline is in 2 parts (1 attatched to trailer and 1 attatched to unit
keeping the fitters sweet by doing simple jobs yourself (change a bulb and a tailight lens) whilst they are up to their elbows changing a geabox will get your cb fitted to your truck very quickly
that my cb is ■■■■■■ and I need to get a new one!!! (nothing to do with the fitters but more to do with being bounced around in an old crap tipper for 3 months)
that mondays can be a pain, when it all goes ■■■■ up,as follows:
04.30 call into portsmouth ,collect trailer?
cant release it on your fax copy,only one we receive.
so call TM and advise they wont release trl,will have to wait for BF to open at six?
result, he has to come to his office and fax the original to gate house,and finally on way 1 hr late,and a very ■■■■■■ off TM.
and when you advise the customer that you will be very late they couldnt give a toss. at TRADETEAM,dunstable and DHL at banbury.