We have aquired Nobbly Duck Strangler in France and Will “I am” in Bitz,we are currently seeking experienced lorryists for trips to Afghan and back to pick up some poppies.
I have sold my carveries,and will turn them in to Spearmint Rhinos,all lorryists welcome on production of your lorryist licence,for a discount and free beer.
Our main concern is the lack of Asian and African drivers,why only whites drive a wagon?
At the annual board meeting at a secret location,me and Phil have concured that English dont half moan,and seek to employ canditates with no passports that have lived in Calais behind the sand dunes. Why do forkies at RDCS moan,and say to HGV`ists,what time do you call this,my wife and me were planning to go out later and you turning up late has ruined my plans,how dare you,you low low life.
In return to loyal service,you will receive free training on Magnet use,and a health and safety video to keep for free,if caught by the Taliban.
Throw in a lesson on how to dress like a Romanian and ill join!
You will receive discount vouchers for Lidl and Aldi,uniform is a track suit with a stripe down the side and sandals with no socks.
■■■■ i really wanted them white-turned-to-grey socks!!!
You will drive 90 hours in one week,and we supply the manager`s digi tacho for you at no additional charge.
Interviews and screening at the Hilton Heathrow next week,to submit an interest,pm Phil for an induction and test drive,it is our policy not to have wagons with speed limiters,you will filll up with heating oil at AS 24 sites,and ship out with Parafin anD Kersone in your tanks.
Something doesn’t sound right about this job.Suggest you try advertising it through the jobcentre first. 
I suggest you two go into bulk tippers mate. i have a good contact for you. they are looking for a couple of drivers to transport bull ■■■■ from farms across the water, and you two would be just perfect for the job
Carryfast:
Something doesn’t sound right about this job.Suggest you try advertising it through the jobcentre first.
i’ve emailed them, just waiting for the reply.
we also have a smoke as much as you want policy.
the best driver gets a 48 hour pass every 2 years, he can take this pass to our vietnamese massage establishment for a good seeing to.
pay is by negotiation, but to keep in line with government regulations it will exceed the national minimum wage of the country of your birth.
this sounds to good to be true guys just one question does the dash come covered in useless kit supplied or do we have to purchase our own sh*t!!! If supplied please can I have 2 coffee machines and big cuddly toy and 20 packs of empty ■■■ packets screwed up and a 3 week old newspaper. Also do I have the right to watch a DVD on my laptop going down the road and 65 mph 
Units will be 142,and 143 LHD Scania,Red Fuel card,(literaly.)No speed limiter.
Can I have a low-cab 144 please?
Ex Morrison`s day cab for you,i will ask Phil to order some,fuse or magnet or both.
Stick yer poxy job then. I’m jacking
I have ordered your uniform,tie with shirt,i can not get a refund on it now.
Ok I’ll stay but only if my shirt is by Ben Sherman and checked, my jeans are Lee Cooper and my boots are Super Hamptons.
No keys for the trucks,ignition barrels are missing,is that ok,just don`t get tugged.
toby1234abc:
I have ordered your uniform,tie with shirt,i can not get a refund on it now.
Not happy i want my shelll suit and off white socks and sandels or you can stick it
Lidl or Aldi,£3.99 on offer,with the firms logo on it.
toby1234abc:
Lidl or Aldi,£3.99 on offer,with the firms logo on it.
What’s the firm called?