Hi all, just a quick update on a few lessons that I have learnt on my journey to being a class 1 Jedi master.
I would imagine my title would be ’ Only one bathrobeee '. I had two but the one I nicked from Warwick castle got Lamb rogan all over it. (Not a good scene). Christ,this Speckled Hen is great. Sorry…rambling.
Things ive learnt-not in any particular order.
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If you forget which way to wind the legs,try to think before you act. When you resort to sitting on the handle shouting ’ B*stard ’ at the top of your voice,the person who first walks over to see what the hell you are playing at,is usually your boss. This in my case resulted in the following memorable phrase. " It is my sheer curiosity that enables you to work here boy ".
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Expecting an airline to offer severe pressure resistance upon connecting, is not always wise. Especially on a wet catwalk. Other drivers seem to immediately need to urinate and laugh extremely hard at the results.
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A need to start remembering which county you have left your trailer number plate in is useful for fellow drivers to retrieve it.
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The sticker which tells you ’ ONLY ONE POST TO BE RELEASED AT A TIME ’ is not for decorative purposes.
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When its windy,Shell petrol station £3.99 glasses(when purchased with a thousand gallons of v-power diesel),come in handy at preserving your eyesight when opening BOTH curtains.
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A need to remember/check which side of your truck has the fuel tank on is crucial in avoiding looking like a ■■■ when pulling up at fuel pumps.
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Drivers window is much better closed at the truckwash at Lymm services. A right ear tends to sting when a flip flop opens up on it with his kalshnikov pressure washer.
eagerbeaver:
6. A need to remember/check which side of your truck has the fuel tank on is crucial in avoiding looking like a ■■■ when pulling up at fuel pumps.
Ha Ha Ha Yep,been there. Had Daf XF one night when arrived back up from Liverpool. Went into Belziehill farm and fueled up. No problems. Next night,had a Renault Premium. Arrived back and sat behind truck waiting at pump. Took 10 mins for truck on pump to finish fuelling,pay and leave. Truck in front of me took 15-20 mins and by now I was chewing the steering wheel with impatience. Finally he moved off and I moved to the pump. Got out and,you guessed it,I was at the wrong side. I stood staring for a few moments as if willing the tank to move round to my side. It didnt work so I got back in the cab,ignoring the fact the driver waiting behind me was obviously sniggering,and pulled out sheepishly to go onto the pump at the other side. Just as I exited I was just in time to see two other trucks arrive and,as is just my sodding luck,they went onto the pump I wanted! It had been empty for the whole time I was waiting like a ■■■■ at the other pump. To say I was peed off would be an understatment! Lol 
Lesson learned though!
Also I would say that when reversing into a bay at services,make sure you have it lined up properly before attempting. Even if you need to mentally go through the procedure in your head. Only once will you half ass it,get your angles wrong and spend the next ten minutes shunting back and forward while the swap-over trunkers and guys taking a 45 stand around with coffee and cigarettes watching you. 
Sometimes the fuel pipe will be long enough to reach the other side. But a bit of advice, check the pipe isn’t full of fuel before chucking it to your waiting mate the other side. Not the way to make friends and influence people!
Brilliant read.
Pete
The ultimate ignominy on refuelling isn’t going on the wrong side. It is:
a) going on the wrong side
b) realising the embarrassment of your rookie mistake
c) manoeuvring your truck to face the opposite direction AND moving round to the other side of the pump
d) scratching your head and wondering why you’re still on the wrong side
e) figuring out what to say to the driver looking at you from the other pump and telling you what a chump you are…
(To my shame I have actually done this )
Recent lesson I learnt.
The speed bumps at Lidl Runcorn are more effective than landmines.
Lol!! Have you tried the ones at Jag/Landrover Halewood Paul?
Brutal. Like driving over the wifes belly. Need hill descent on the way down.
No mate, we only deliver food. I’ll give them a miss cheers.
The ones at Lidl are really severe, launched my brew out of my cup holder and a good foot into the air.
Methinks ze Germans still bear a grudge!
When going to bed, make sure the cab curtains have no gaps.
You do not want anyone to see the tent pole when waking up.
When having a widdle on the wheels to cool off the brakes, stick a finger in the air, to check the wind direction to avoid splashback on the rigger boots .
The same for throwing a bottle of Truckers Tizer out of the window with no top on it.
When having a dump in a carrier bag, check for holes in the bag.
Count how many times the trailer leg handles turn to avoid the £ 1000 for each turn not done.
Wear your " I missed the Herald by two minutes " tee shirt at all times while waiting at RDC waiting rooms, somebody else there will have the same tee shirt.
The same for " I was the middle one on the balcony, I know the colours of the boat house doors "
But I wouldn’t advise wearing that in Hereford.
Yep-agreed. There are some gentlemen who do some ’ training ’ and are based around there who are not to be trifled with.
And the letters don’t stand for ‘Saturdays And Sundays’ lol. That’s the TA.
