Little sod gets fed ( looked after ) better than me , wife’s shopping list
Rob will be going wtf 
Whats this ? As youve used tour card youve got to take proper breaks
The little sod( cat ) is not allowed in the garage rob as I don’t want the motorbike seat ending up like the setee 
, mrs answer is he’s only a cat he doesn’t know better , my answer is you’ll have to live with the living room / setee we have , I’m not paying out thousands ( cat or not ) for him to destroy a few thousand pounds worth of settee again
Wife brought brand new curtains when we decorated the dinning room , he used them as a scratching post first night 
, wrecked , wife just said you naughty boy , that told him
So know he’s not going in the garage , I’ll put a trap down
All yer doing there mate is arguing my point for me.
Yep, right in one…….WTF.
Got to say all the cats we have had ain’t caused any damage to furniture, well not to that extent ……..it must all be done through night when you let them stay in the house instead of putting them out.
Yep, leather suites are a no-no here, they’ll destroy them in two days, Fabric suites on the other hand fair a lot better, we have scratch posts all around the house & they pretty much use them all & quite good at present, I will throw something at them if I catch them scratching the suite though.
I’m on garden tidying duties in the front garden to fill the green recycle bin for tomorrow, my compost heaps are bursting at the seams so can’t put the leaves on there.
No rob , he does it straight in front of your eyes with that what are you going to do in his eyes , he must be 7/8 ( wife would know exactly as she buys him a cake )
He just has a mad 5 mins where he runs at 100 mph , lands on you up onto top of settee and skids round , there skid marks more than scratching marks
Wife as normal just says now come on stop being a naughty boy , as I say there’s no new furniture while he continues his one cat destruction of the house
He’s loads of scratching posts , he’s just a one cat destruction machine , I do wonder at times if he’s feral .
I just think he’s all there , spoilt and knows with the wife he can get away with it , I mean who other that the wife would go out and buy him his own fan when there’s 2 already in the house
Hmmmm best not to tell ya what I would do with him/it 
I’ve thought about disposing of him a few times rob , but I can’t be doing with wife screaming a—— h—e at me
Other end of top of settee , we could really do with a new settee but not while he continues wrecking the one we’ve got
Dried the washing , not enjoying this housework lark , rather listen to the
Wife moaning about me sitting on settee while she does it
I could arrange his ‘‘disappearance’’ for a few quid.no problem ……nuff said 
(I ain’t trying to come across as a ‘‘Cat based Jason Statham gangster’’ type either …., I’d more than likely bring it back up here, feed it, and try and find it a home being an animal lover myself )
As long as your hasn’t leather interior rob 
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