The Rules

OUT OF HOURS BULLY'S TRUCKSTOP BAR (INTERACTIVE)
1

We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the Rules from the male side. There are our rules:-
Please note… these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

  1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.
  2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If its up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
  3. Saturday = Sports. Its like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  4. Shopping is NOT a sport. and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
  5. Crying is blackmail.
  6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! strong hints do not work! obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
  7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  8. come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
  11. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
  12. if something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
  13. you can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
  14. whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
  16. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.
  17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
  18. if we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing’, we will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
  19. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
  20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
  21. Don’t ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics and ■■■, Sport, or Cars.
  22. You have enough clothes.
  23. You have too many shoes.
  24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
  25. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, its like camping.
    Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
    Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education.
2

somewhat in similar style…and deadly accurate.

The differences between how a woman and a man uses a drive-through banking machine. Here is his and hers Automatic Teller Machine (ATM) usage explained…

HIS

  1. Pull up to ATM

  2. Insert card

  3. Enter PIN number and account

  4. Take cash, card and receipt

HERS

  1. Pull up to ATM

  2. Check makeup in rearview mirror

  3. Shut off engine

  4. Put keys in ■■■■■

  5. Get out of car because you’re too far from machine

  6. Hunt for card in ■■■■■

  7. Insert card

  8. Hunt in ■■■■■ for wrapper with PIN number written on it

  9. Enter PIN number

  10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.

  11. Hit “cancel”

  12. Re-enter correct PIN number

  13. Check balance

  14. Look for envelope

  15. Look in ■■■■■ for pen

  16. Make out deposit slip

  17. Endorse checks

  18. Make deposit

  19. Study instructions

  20. Make cash withdrawal

  21. Get in car

  22. Check makeup

  23. Look for keys

  24. Start car

  25. Check makeup

  26. Start pulling away

  27. STOP

  28. Back up to machine

  29. Get out of car

  30. Take card and receipt

  31. Get back in car

  32. Put card in wallet

  33. Put receipt in checkbook

  34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook

  35. Clear area in ■■■■■ for wallet and checkbook

  36. Check makeup

  37. Put car in gear, reverse

  38. Put car in drive

  39. Drive away from machine

  40. Travel 3 miles

  41. Release parking brake
    :unamused:

3

Amen to the rules as published, especially number one!

4

What is mauve?
And salmon is a fish.
Happy new year.

5

SteveWalsh:
We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the Rules from the male side. There are our rules:-
Please note… these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

  1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.
  2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If its up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
  3. Saturday = Sports. Its like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  4. Shopping is NOT a sport. and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
  5. Crying is blackmail.
  6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! strong hints do not work! obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
  7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  8. come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
  11. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
  12. if something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
  13. you can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
  14. whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
  16. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.
  17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
  18. if we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing’, we will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
  19. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
  20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
  21. Don’t ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics and ■■■, Sport, or Cars.
  22. You have enough clothes.
  23. You have too many shoes.
  24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
  25. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, its like camping.
    Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
    Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education.

yes