Paint yep do that
Garden try not to as that I do dislike
Not keen on gardening Myself but I don’t mind a bit of weeding, if it gets too bad my Sister in Law takes over anyway. 
As adoption seems a ‘no go’ as I am too tall (6’4") according to Dave I will have to find another way of being cossetted when old age comes along, just wish that I could go back driving again as that would solve many problems. I wouldn’t have time then to do painting, cooking, gardening, washing clothes, walking the dog, cleaning the house, cleaning out the parrot and the fish tank, plus assisting the neighbours when they have a problem! Hey ho, dream on lad. 
Pete.
windrush:
Not keen on gardening Myself but I don’t mind a bit of weeding, if it gets too bad my Sister in Law takes over anyway.Pete.
Hi Pete,
With that parrot,you could always do a bit of panto work as long John Silver, just tie your one leg up behind your back and hop
around on a crutch. 
Cheers Dave.
you aren’t giving it enough thought pete , cooking….nearest takeaway , housework , washing parrot cleaning etc ….ask the council for a home help , dog … chuck the bugger out on a long rope , garden….concrete . that should leave you enough time to curry favour with the neighbours , in between naps of course .you need to get things organised , yo might be in your early 60s now , but 70 will come sooner than you think and you should have it sorted before then . don’t burn the candle at both ends , in fact if you don’t light the candle it will last longer . cheers ,dave ps , i know i’m as mad as a box of frogs but it’s too late to change now
windrush:
Well it appears that when the missus finally comes back home a big retraining programme will have to be installed in Windrush Towers? Now I have to get into bad habits and just act daft when certain tasks need doing, trouble is that I may well starve to death waiting for somebody to make me a meal or a drink of tea/coffee. Guess that I could get my elderly neighbour to adopt me, she thinks a lot of me? Thank you gents for all your expert advice, I don’t believe a word of it mind, and I will now go outside and paint that garage window frame!!Pete.
A PARROT■■? A bloody parrot can’t do “domestic duties”
She thinks a lot of you does she 
oh aye, tell us a bit more.
And believe it or not, the “advice” is good advice, honed and tuned as a result of many years handling wimmin, it’s a skill…and it’s FREELY given. 
Well my neighbour is 86 years of age so even Harry would be a ‘toy boy’ in her eyes! 
Dave, I don’t think that I can fit Panto duties in with all my other jobs, anyway being on here is like a Pantomime with Harry as ‘Idle Jack’, Animal as ‘Snow White’, Brian, Casey and Dennis as the ‘Ugly Sister’s’ plus Dave as the ‘Storyteller’. Now who has the best legs for ‘Principal Boy’, Norman perhaps?
Pete.
Oh she can adopt me as I wont be seen really being only 4ft 10’ tall
So who is going to be my sugar daddy
animal:
Oh she can adopt me as I wont be seen really being only 4ft 10’ tallSo who is going to be my sugar daddy
Ang do you really need a SD, My dear. ■■?, Regards Larry.
windrush:
Well my neighbour is 86 years of age so even Harry would be a ‘toy boy’ in her eyes!Pete.
hiya,
Idle Jack eh’, funny the missus does call me that several times a day, and after
I’ve spent nearly all day on the phone trying to get a plumber to have a look at
the bath tap It’s only a five minute job but not having the tools anymore it’s a
case of I need someone who has, all day on the phone, she’s never satisfied.
thanks harry, long retired.
animal:
Oh she can adopt me as I wont be seen really being only 4ft 10’ tallSo who is going to be my sugar daddy
Oh dear Animal, that’s a little too short for playing Snow White! 
How about you and Harry playing ‘The Krankies’ instead, he is old and kranky anyway and you could sit on his knee, can you do a Scottish accent?
Pete,
windrush:
animal:
Oh she can adopt me as I wont be seen really being only 4ft 10’ tallSo who is going to be my sugar daddy
Oh dear Animal, that’s a little too short for playing Snow White!
Pete,
I can’t tell a story to save my life Pete , but I will go along with the role as I am not suitable to play an ugly sister, as I’m far to overweight for those roles. I expect Ang can raise herself to well over 4’10" if she gets stirred up a bit .
Cheers Dave.
hiya,
Don’t you have to be loaded to be a sugar daddy?? that being the case I’m a no no
for that position being an OAP I’m constantly skint and when you’ve got a habit to
finance, the pension doesn’t go very far, the habit? Oh’ yes it’s keeping my single
malt stocked up I have asked the doctor for a prescription for a regular supply on
the grounds that I’m a ■■■■ artist and need a drink to steady my nerves when I’m
under pressure from the wife to do something around the house, drug addicts get
get methadone on prescription the same should apply to those who have a drink
problem, my problem is I enjoy a drink and can’t afford it. 
thanks harry, long retired.
Move down here Harry, the alkies in the area get an allowance to buy drink, cheaper than trying to wean them off it they tell me.
Pete.
harry_gill:
windrush:
Well my neighbour is 86 years of age so even Harry would be a ‘toy boy’ in her eyes!Pete.
hiya,
Idle Jack eh’, funny the missus does call me that several times a day, and after
I’ve spent nearly all day on the phone trying to get a plumber to have a look at
the bath tap It’s only a five minute job but not having the tools anymore it’s a
case of I need someone who has, all day on the phone, she’s never satisfied.
thanks harry, long retired.
Aha, now, another “pearl of wisdom”. When they start chirping “plumber, painter, gardener etc” the correct response is…I’M A BLOODY LORRY DRIVER, you want plumbing doing? RING A PLUMBER UP and get him to do the job. Of course, as a last resort, you could reproduce Niagara Falls all over the bathroom, water water everywhere, but then she really would get the hump and take a bit of calming down. 
never ever do it yourself unless you are opening a new bottle . we had a leak in the bathroom , rang up and a very attractive young blonde lady plumber arrived , did a good job and i got to admire her pert little bum while she was bent over doing the job . that’s what i call value for money .
rigsby:
never ever do it yourself unless you are opening a new bottle . we had a leak in the bathroom , rang up and a very attractive young blonde lady plumber arrived , did a good job and i got to admire her pert little bum while she was bent over doing the job . that’s what i call value for money .
I bet you enjoyed that young female plumber fixing your leak Dave. You could need a few plumbing jobs fixing around your place me thinks.
Cheers Dave.
Dave the Renegade:
rigsby:
never ever do it yourself unless you are opening a new bottle . we had a leak in the bathroom , rang up and a very attractive young blonde lady plumber arrived , did a good job and i got to admire her pert little bum while she was bent over doing the job . that’s what i call value for money .I bet you enjoyed that young female plumber fixing your leak Dave. You could need a few plumbing jobs fixing around your place me thinks.
Cheers Dave.
Yes Dave, but presumably she had to be paid and then poor Rigsby would spend the rest of the day living on memories besides giving Mrs Rigsby a lot of attention that she didn’t really want? Seems a lot of expense and frustration involved, much easier to have done the job himself and saved both time, cash and him wandering around in a trance for the rest of the day! Touch wood, I have never paid anybody to do work for me, apart from the gas boiler, I do all my own plumbing, decorating, car/van repairs etc. However I do realise that in a few years I too will be old and frail and need assistance with tasks like Harry and Rigsby have to do, haven’t a clue what I will pay the worker’s with though as by then the mattress will have run out of cash! Maybe a younger forum member will then step forward and volunteer their services, Norman seems pretty handy around the home?
Pete.
windrush:
Dave the Renegade:
rigsby:
never ever do it yourself unless you are opening a new bottle . we had a leak in the bathroom , rang up and a very attractive young blonde lady plumber arrived , did a good job and i got to admire her pert little bum while she was bent over doing the job . that’s what i call value for money .I bet you enjoyed that young female plumber fixing your leak Dave. You could need a few plumbing jobs fixing around your place me thinks.
Cheers Dave.Yes Dave, but presumably she had to be paid and then poor Rigsby would spend the rest of the day living on memories besides giving Mrs Rigsby a lot of attention that she didn’t really want? Seems a lot of expense and frustration involved, much easier to have done the job himself and saved both time, cash and him wandering around in a trance for the rest of the day!
Pete.
That’s it Pete, send for Norm, that’s if you can drag him away from all those women at the bowls club. He’s pretty good at the DIY caper by all accounts. I always think anything to do with central heating boilers is a job for the qualified people. We have had heating problems here this winter, luckily some of it has been covered by insurance.
I think a lecture from grumpy old man could be heading your way, as you appear to be doing to many tasks for a lorry driver.
Cheers Dave.
I have got my own heating engineer, gas, oil, solar panels,electric, he is marrying my daughter, all the certs he has, cost £8000 every five years to renew, all the electricians, and plumbers do jobs and he checks them and signs off,he has a number registered they can check the job is ok. He put air condition in my conservatory so my wife don’t get over heated watching soaps. But he got me two taps, the lever type because my wife has arithus in her hands, I put those in in five minutes, he said why didn’t I wait until he done it, I said I only ask twice, I might have passed. by the time he done it, he laughed and said ,yes I have been busy just lately. I wouldn’t mind a part that has Angy sitted on my lap, I would tell the stories, and I would put my hand up her back and she could mime her lips to my voice.
Ang on your Sugar Daddy, the definition of that is a form of a " Crysalised Sap"!