The other day I was cruising along as usual in my BMW coming onto one of my
motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.
First off, I couldn’t believe that the volume of traffic DIDN’T slow down
for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely
big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway! (The
driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an
apology to me with a long blast of his horn.)
Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.
(Why do underlings use this lane? Surely everyone knows it is for BMW
drivers only?)
Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110mph enjoying the
adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an
inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway,
but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!
Naturally, I got to within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my
headlights to remind him he shouldn’t be in the BMW lane of my motorway and
to get out of my way.
Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I
could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me! He also
tried to keep up with me but when he realised I would out-run him, he put on
some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard
shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.
Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave
me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!
Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to
take my driver’s licence to a Police Station to be sent away to have some
points put on! (They’re not free points either - they’re £20 each and I was
only allowed 3.)
But the man at the Police Station said that because I drive a BMW, it won’t
be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won’t even NEED
a driving licence, so they will take it off me!
See, now THAT’s the sort of respect you get when you buy and drive a BMW
…freely (loosely) translated, the words with the red initials mean “thrown away by Mercedes.” 
