instead of a proper uniform
and prefer to drive naked
in odd sized pink wellies
to save stopping for a
wee they fill one up
and empty it out of
a can of larger when
trying to drink and drive
from the size 11 wellie
that contains 8 pints of
really strong smelly home made
■■■■, kestrel and guinness mixed
that would turn gays straight
and pink curtains white without
using " Essex Girl " peroxide bleach
or white stilleto’s to poke
a sausage dog till he
pukes in your wellies or
turns a whiter shade of
pale ale brought in bottles