Anyone noticed how narrow and specific the average station has become in the last 5-10 years? The audience targeting is frightening. I’ll explain what I mean in this short guide.
Absolute: You’re male, 35-45, working class with aspirations to become middle class, two children, like football, watch cop dramas, shop in Sainsbury’s, drive a Mondeo and say things like “■■■■■■” and “■■■■■■■ hell”. Your “partner” listens to Heart.
Choice: You have no idea how you got to this page.
Capital: You’re 25-35, male or female, working class with a white collar, have a child from a previous relationship, like football but you can’t afford the tickets regularly, watch whatever the Metro newspaper tells you to, use public transport, and say things like “harsh” and “peng”. You want to listen to Kiss but your manager won’t let you.
Heart: You’re female, 25-45, working class but you’d never admit it, two children, pretend to hate football but you secretly like to look at all those handsome and rich young men, watch soap operas, shop in Tesco using a Waitrose bag, drive a Corsa and say things like “he never” and “tart”. Your “partner” listens to Absolute.
Kiss: You think you’re young and hip. In fact, Kiss has broadened its audience massively in the last ten years. You won’t hear Pirate’s anthem when there’s a choice between making an impact and making money. The youngsters you work with are sniggering into their ipods as they tune in to a local pirate.
Radio 1 You live outside London and have been brainwashed by DJ’s who were brainwashed by New Labour.
Radio 2: As for Radio 1 but the brainwashing is more intense.
Radio 3: You are old
Radio 4: You have a brain and are able to see through the left-wing bias.