Spot the Muppet...a laugh at my expense...!

[Lucy]

I had a night leisurely start this morning, tipping Goole at 9am, having got down there the night before. So I was disappointed (on ringing in empty) to be told “You’re reloading Brid, start heading and I’ll text you the details” - the Goole/Bridlington road (A614) isn’t a good road to be paid mileage on… …“Never mind” I think to myself, “Since the miles are knackered for the day I’ll just sit back and enjoy the countryside”…

It was quite a pleasant day, although somewhat humid - not a problem, I have air-con and climate control. (sorry…totally irrelevant to the story, but it’s the first year I’ve been able to say that, so indulge me… )

About an hour and a half later I arrive on the outskirts of Brid with still no sign of a text, so it’s phone the office time. Now bear in mind, if you will, that our Transport Manager has the telephone manner of a disgruntled rottweiler at the best of times - but she’s extremely good at her job, so we live with it. It’s not personal, you soon get used to it. She’s also very rarely wrong, and she knows it.

The phonecall went something like this:
“I’m on the edge of Brid, can I have an address please?”
“You’ve been to our customer in Brid before.”
“I haven’t”
“You have, several times”
No, I haven’t. Or certainly no more than once, and that was a year ago, within my first few weeks on here
“Oh”

Sounds of stomping across the office and rifling through filing cabinets to dig the offending details out.

Stroppy tone - “You’ve definately been there loads of times, but never mind…Taylor Barnard…”

Ker-ching! The penny drops. That’s the first line of the address of a regular (very regular…I’ve been going there for over 2 years in both this job and my previous one) customer…who is most definately not anywhere near Bridlington.

“[zb]”
What’s the matter?
"I misheard you, I thought you said Brid!!!

To cut a long story short, I should have been in Brigg…the opposite direction completely!!!

I never got there…they’re one of our few punters who refuse if you’re more than half an hour late…I came back empty. NOT a popular bunny.

Thank god I’m on holiday for a fortnight, hopefully she’ll have forgotten by then…else it’s “punishment duties” (low mileage work to all the dodgy long tips) for me for the foreseeable future…

Ps. In between heading back towards Brigg and being told the job was cancelled I had another call from another lass in the office asking what time I’d be in Hereford …my poor heart has never worked so hard!!!

[cm]

It happens
I take it your only paid loaded miles, otherwise Bridlington to Brigg via Hereford would be a nice little earner.

[wheel_nut]

It could have been worse

I know a bloke wh sent a driver to pick a trailer up in Preston.

3 hours later the drivers call in saying he cant find the address. Preston near Hull is not in Lancashire

[liberace]

Hahahahahahahahaha .

Sorry, you did say have a laugh .

Persoanally, if she put me on “punishment duties” for that, then I’d be off. Next time, she would definatley give me a decent [zb] address .

[jonah_1]

When I was on the agency I was sent to Newcastle

I ask the traffic guy

“which Newcastle?”

Reply

" what do you mean?"

Me

“theres 2 one in the north east one in the noth west”

Him

“where do the geordies come from”

Me

“the northeast”

Him

“thats the one”

3 guesses as toi what happend next

I await the “silly” replies with baited breath

[andyroo]

Did you have a load of Coals?

[liberace]

Your satellite navigation system found the third one that no one knew about and took you their :roll:. Errrr.

[animal]

could have been newcastleton

or newcastle in monmothshire

or newcastle in aussie

[marcustandy]

I was sent on a 3-day multidrop to Scotland. After the first day I was checking through the remaining paperwork to double check the drops were in the best order (they virtually always were) and I found a handwritten note clipped to two POD’s. It read “Slot these drops in where you can.”

I soon realised that the new (but old ‘know-it-all’) office person hadn’t been able to find the addresses and had just assumed that I would know them. I did.

My call to the office went something like:

“I won’t get those two ‘extra’ drops off, this trip.”
“Why?”
“Not enough time.”
“But you’re up there for three days. Just get 'em done and let me know. I’ll sort any delays.”
“Do you realise where Shoeburyness and Sheerness actually are??”

[eddie_snax]

north surrey haulage:
When I was on the agency I was sent to Newcastle

I ask the traffic guy

“which Newcastle?”

Reply

" what do you mean?"

Me

“theres 2 one in the north east one in the noth west”

Him

“where do the geordies come from”

Me

“the northeast”

Him

“thats the one”

3 guesses as toi what happend next

I await the “silly” replies with baited breath

Go on tell me the bloke that the office monkey spoke to was a geordie in excile in Newcastle Under Lyme
Your not alone here Lucy, i was given a load to Ashford once, couldnt find the [zb] industrial estate anywhere in Ashford in Kent, looked a bit closer at the paper work and realised it had a Kingston post code thats would be Middlesex then.

[hitch]

to lucy
they should have sent the text

more favourites

rainham

wellington

hahahahahahahahahaha

or Atherstone both in Warwickshire

[smcaul]

Or try Gillingham, One in Dorset one in Kent. I have nearly gone to the wrong one but thought to check at the last minute.

[carl]

my mate spent 2 hours running round newport in wales looking for a drop that was in newport in shropshire.he,s still not lived that down.sorry alisdaire if ya read this

[andyroo]

There is Harleston which is just about in Norfolk and another Harleston just down the road near Stowmarket in Suffolk.

I once had a drop with the address as Harleston, Suffolk and the postcode for the Norfolk one.

[smcaul]

Carl:
my mate spent 2 hours running round newport in wales looking for a drop that was in newport in shropshire.he,s still not lived that down.sorry alisdaire if ya read this

Wasn’t aware of the shropshire one, Have asked before for a ticket for the ferry when had a drop in Newport, only to be told I needed a severn tag not a ferry ticket.

[wheel_nut]

smcaul:

Carl:
my mate spent 2 hours running round newport in wales looking for a drop that was in newport in shropshire.he,s still not lived that down.sorry alisdaire if ya read this

Wasn’t aware of the shropshire one, Have asked before for a ticket for the ferry when had a drop in Newport, only to be told I needed a severn tag not a ferry ticket.

There are several Newports, I lived in one of them in East Yorkshire.

There is even one in Belgium. Niewpoort

[daxi]

When I did Bus driving there was a driver who was reputed to have been taken off Coach work after taking a party to Leeds Castle, in Leeds .
Also a guy I worked with was sent to Frigo in Stratford & ended up in Stratford upon Avon .
And Andyroo you missed Horsford, Horsted & Horstead all on the north side of Norwich.

[saratoga]

I was doing a few drops in a van around Epping, Chelmsford, and Brentwood.

Last ticket, tucked in behind my expenses sheet was an undated one for Reigate. So I rang the boss up, he said it was for “Friday PM Collection, and a full load”. It was Friday 11am Hmm. Right, well i’d just have enough hours left and off I trundled.

It was lovely weather, and being in a 7.5t sleeper that was brand new with all the luxuries (that you can call them. AirCon, Cruise Control, Sat Nav, CD Player It wasn’t long before i got there, nice and relaxed and asked about the load. Blank looks.

Hmm. Checked with the paperwork, handed it over, they looked at it, still blank looks. So rang the boss. Explained I had come, as instructed, for this PM collection as he stated and with the paperwork. He asked for the paperwork date and reference numbers - used to search the system - and I told him it was undated. Not totally unusual…

After a bit he found it. I was early… A week early

Anyway, he told me to fo and have a break and he’d call back with the next run, as it was a waste me coming all the way back to the midlands empty.

Apologised to the staff and trundled off for a place for a nice lunchtime doze.

All well and good as he gave me an hour lunch and then said “As you’re all rested you’ve got a pickup in Newport” being a good little bunny and knowing newport is popular asked which one. He gave me a NP (gwent) postcode and said it was in Pembrokeshire… Hmm. As I trundled off towards Wales he said he would call back with more details.

I had some friday night stopover at a city I can’t remember the details of…, but the saturday run out to Pembrokeshire and then back was rather nice

[kalm2kaos]

Andyroo:
There is Harleston which is just about in Norfolk and another Harleston just down the road near Stowmarket in Suffolk.

I once had a drop with the address as Harleston, Suffolk and the postcode for the Norfolk one.

I used to live in Harleston, Norfolk, but it has an IP postcode(Ipswich) .Now there is an irony for you

[dratsabasti]

there is a story of the French driver who turned up at St Ives in Cornwall, to find he should have been in Cambridgeshire.
There are in fact four St Ives in my atlas, one each in Cornwall, Cambridgeshire, Dorset and West Yorkshire.